Graffin hit the ground running in 1982 with the naive indignation of “Fuck Armageddon … This Is Hell!” (“We’re living in the denouement of the battle’s gripping awe”) and has maintained similar standards ever since.
Not content to take on just one punk icon, they also look at Henry Rollins:
Ever since hardcore pioneers Black Flag broke up, this self-styled Renaissance man has produced material that is unremittingly intense and silly. He claims to write only when he’s unhappy, as is made plain by tracks such as “Burned Beyond Recognition” and “Gun in Mouth Blues”; other men would just try and meet more girls.
It also rips into Ryan Ross of Panic! At the Disco, saying:
The guitarist and chief lyricist for Vegas emo dandies Panic! At the Disco, Ross writes like the quill and inkwell never went out of fashion, cramming his tarantellas full of baroque wordplay and breathless verbal curlicues.
He’s got five albums of come-ons so abstruse the ladies will barely notice him tugging on their ankles.
Finally, Dashboard Confessional gets a turn:
Most of us chuck our eighth-grade diaries; Chris Carrabba sings his. To legions of adoring fans, this former special-ed teacher’s vein-opening anthems about love and heartbreak are emo gospel. To the other 99 percent of the world, they’re crybaby doggerel.
You can check out the rest of the list here.