Scissorfight Victory Over Horseshit (2005) Tortuga

Every day of my senior year of high school, I would sit in my Calculus class for 44 minutes a day, and without fail, every day I would think, “I can’t think of a single thing in life that would come close to being as boring as this is right now.” And two years later, I still had not managed to find anything quite that boring. That is, until now. Scissorfight’s Victory Over Horseshit attains new levels of monotony that I didn’t know existed.

Scissorfight play a Southern style of rock that draws a bit of classic rock influence, throws in some alterna radio rock, and just sees what happens. I’ll tell you what, I need to drive a chisel down my ear canal. To paraphrase Lewis Black, at least then I’m inflicting the pain on myself. These drudging tracks are all slow-paced, heavily distorted, and devoid of any possible semblance of the creative spirit. It’s next to impossible to differentiate any of these five songs from one another, as they all use the same heavy, slow-churning rhythms, and scruffy, scowled vocals. Each song is seemingly crafted for the sole purpose of radio success, as the formula never strays even an inch away from verse, annoying chorus, verse, annoying chorus, verse, and the final annoying chorus, that somehow, some way, manages to be even more annoying than the last. “Rules Are Different for Dead Men” has possibly the most boring, repetitive, and just all around awful chorus I have ever heard, and the slow chug, chug, chug, chug, of a rhythm doesn’t help to improve things any.

Nothing else really needs to be said. This is awful, even by radio rock standards. Yeah, that bad.

(Anchors)