Hey bro, have you heard of this band called Scholar, bro?

*adjusts Castro hat for 90 seconds to get it just the right kind of crooked*

They're this pop-punk band who write some really slick songs, although you can tell they used to be hardcore brahs because they have a spoken word breakdown, but they sound like All Time Low, so there will be all kinds of sweet high school trim at their shows.

*gets a Tapout tattoo that says "Tapdat"*

Seriously brah, you remember those bands from the '00s that would always insist they refused to be pigeonholed by claiming a genre but were always midtempo punkish pop bands? They were usually local and slightly adjusted their sound according to whatever trends were popular at the time? This is pretty much the equivalent of that.

*spells a homophobic slur wrong while vandalizing a bar bathroom*

It's all here, brodeo. High pitched emoish vocals, everything done earnest and professionally, slicker than baby oil on a tiled floor. All the edges have been rounded off, like a playset at a developmentally disabled daycare. This is the perfect band to bring a date to because it is so thoroughly non-threatening. This is the band a drunk girl at a suburban bar will pester you into saying you like because you're deluded about your chances with her, and she will be really into it because she realizes she's getting into "Thrash Unreal" territory, and by hyping a small-time band, she will still feel young and with it and connected to a scene.

*forgets to send child support check*

So yeah, broski. If you like really slick mall punk bands like the Wonder Years or Chunk! No, Captain Chunk!, this is definitely going to be up your alley. Heh heh heh "up your alley."