Slowride / Eniac

Slowride/Eniac: split 7''split 7'' (2002)
End Sounds

Reviewer Rating: 2.5

Contributed by: maverickScott
(others by this writer | submit your own)
Published on January 7th 2003CHUCK: Hello, and welcome to Punknews.org's wide world of sports! I'm Chuck Polygranopolis, alongside my partner Frank Terhanian, and we'll be calling the Slowride/Eniac fight today. Frank? FRANK: Two bands. One slab of black vinyl. One song each. Who will win the battle of the split 7"? .

CHUCK: Hello, and welcome to Punknews.org's wide world of sports! I'm Chuck Polygranopolis, alongside my partner Frank Terhanian, and we'll be calling the Slowride/Eniac fight today. Frank?

FRANK: Two bands. One slab of black vinyl. One song each. Who will win the battle of the split 7"?

ANNOUNCER: In the Red Corner, from down and dirty Dallas, weighing in at the combined weight of three members plus instruments - Deep Elm's *only* pop-punk band, we have Slowride-e-e-e-e-e...

[audience cheers]

ANNOUNCER: And in the Blue Corner, tipping the scales at four members plus instruments, claiming Denton, Texas as their place of residence, the unknown, unproven, and potentially unfuckwithable Eniac!

[audience claps politely]

CHUCK: Well Frank, Slowride obviously has the advantage right off the bat in the name recognition department. The band's been around for longer and has done more touring than Eniac. They also got signed to Deep Elm last year, who has released their most recent full length last year.

FRANK: You are correct there, Chuck, but let's not forget that Slowride's most recent output [a split CD with Red Animal War] was not up to par with their full-length. They seem to be on a bit of a losing streak, let's see if they can turn it around here.

CHUCK: Alright, the referee has rung the bell, and Slowride has come out with "What Happened To All The Cool People."

FRANK: Wow, Chuck, this is a terrible choice for Slowride. The band is primarily a Jawbreaker-influenced pop-punk band, but this song doesn't show one bit of that. It's grungy, slow, monotonous, and way too long. It's not looking good for Slowride, it's like they already have one fist tied behind their backs.

CHUCK: Flipping the record over, we find Eniac coming charging out of their corner, ready to fight.

FRANK: Their song is called "Parker's Sister," and it's a haymaker of a tune. Employing an upbeat tempo with dual guitars and dual vocals, this emo/pop-punk gem is a song I would have drooled over if it was 1998.

CHUCK: I agree, Frank. While the song is admirable, it seems a bit out-of-place in today's musical climate. Regardless, Eniac's enthusiam and youthful exuberace get a first round KO over the aging veterans in Slowride.

FRANK: I guess it's back to the drawing board for the Dallas threesome, don't you think?

CHUCK: I'd say so, Frank. I'd say so.

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Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not respon sible for them in any way. Seriously.

Anonymous (January 12, 2003)

"the first time i listened to it i thought i had the wrong rpm speed."

that might be because it plays at normal speed rather then that faster speed.
the{}muffin{}girl

Anonymous (January 8, 2003)

I think I've already seen this review before, except with 2 other bands. It wasn't really that witty or interesting the first time, so I don't see why it needed to be done again.

And while I'm on the subject, what's with all the shitty novelty reviews? Most of the time, the only person that really finds it funny is the person writing the review. I've seen a couple good ones since the site started doing regular reviews, but for the most part, they've all been kind of... Kind of... Lame. Yes. Lame.

People should concentrate more on actually reviewing the CD, and less on fishing for praise from a bunch of people you've never met.

Anonymous (January 8, 2003)

interesting review, but i have to contest the way in which you are pitting one band against another on a split 7". It seems that is slightly missing the point - two bands should be complimenting not conflicting. Just seemed wrong to me, i know you were just doing something a bit funkier than usual.

Anonymous (January 8, 2003)

Kudos to anyone who can make a review of a split 7" that interesting.

maverick (January 8, 2003)

When couldn't you?

-Scott

yellowtrash (January 7, 2003)

So we can actually make 7" reviews now?