Count The Stars - Never Be Taken Alive (Cover Artwork)

Count The Stars

Count The Stars: Never Be Taken AliveNever Be Taken Alive (2003)
Victory Records

Reviewer Rating: 2
User Rating:

Contributed by: JiveSideJiveSide
(others by this writer | submit your own)

Sensitive rock is a crime. What's that? How does one know if an aural assault of sensitive rock has taken place? Breathe, don't panic, and ask yourself the following questions: Was the subject matter saturated in relationships, good and/or bad? Did the tempo stay at a medium pace perfect fo.
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Sensitive rock is a crime. What's that? How does one know if an aural assault of sensitive rock has taken place? Breathe, don't panic, and ask yourself the following questions:

  • Was the subject matter saturated in relationships, good and/or bad?
  • Did the tempo stay at a medium pace perfect for ignoring?
  • Did the musicians responsible for your pain look like the cool kids at church camp?
  • Can the song titles be found on a country record?
  • Did the vocals sound like a child throwing a tantrum?
    I'm sorry, but if you checked off all of the above then you have been victimized by sensitive rock. Please seek something dangerous and turn it up to eleven, repeat until ears begin to ring or polished-heartbreak-nausea is forgotten. After being consoled by Ian MacKaye and Henry Rollins, the after taste of mediocre music is gone and my belief in rock and roll integrity born again (I strongly suggest these two artists should you find yourself cornered).

    To avoid being victimized, disregard "Never Be Taken Alive," a truly mediocre debut album by a less than mediocre band. Count the Stars are just another forgettable band of whiny musicians who would rather spew unimpressive clichés than get their hands dirty and make some worthwhile music. Song titles cover the sensitive spectrum from "Brand New Skin" all the way to "All Good Things," with some "Better Off Alone" and "Pictures" in between. The most vomitous moment on the record you ask? "Taking it all Back", a sickly-sweet tune that will most likely become the graduation song for at least a handful of teenagers this summer. Chief songwriter Chris Kasarjian (vocals, guitar) reaches down into his dark and insecure moments for inspiration that result in predictable and somewhat laughable lyrics such as, "And if there's more where that came from/I'd hope to find out someday/Because every breath I take feels like I'm breathing for two/I only feel for you" from "Right Behind Me". Unfortunately this record goes on in this fashion for a brutal thirty-four minutes that refuses to leave the room even after the stereo has been kicked over.

    How is a band like Count the Stars taken seriously? How can this band take themselves seriously? An important question to ask oneself, for rock and roll should not be boring; it can be bad, but not boring. Any element of excitement, urgency, or danger was exchanged for predictability, comfort, and safety, resulting in music only shallow guys and desperate girls will find pleasure in. Kasarjian and company should just be honest and write songs about getting laid, for that's the only motive I can think of behind sensitive rock such as this. If you sing about getting dumped and turn on a distortion pedal, the chances of getting laid by a musical midget are almost guaranteed. Sensitive rock helps uninteresting people have sex with uninteresting people, so thank you, Count the Stars, for making the world a lamer place.


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    Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not respon sible for them in any way. Seriously.
    Anonymous (March 26, 2006)

    Ii like it.

    Anonymous (May 31, 2005)

    This is a great one!!!

    Anonymous (August 9, 2004)

    good thing this band broke up. I know the guys in the band, they sure as hell are nice, but damn they write boring music. who the fuck at victory thought this was worthwhile?

    Anonymous (May 14, 2004)

    These guys are great musicians and they are just a good group of fun-loving guys. They are closer to their fans than ANY other band out there.
    P.S. You probably won't find the titles to these songs on a country album.

    Anonymous (December 10, 2003)

    Ahhh the good ol' days of classic punk rock.


    Anonymous (October 29, 2003)

    Fuck this shit. Another cd with an "emo" girl with a sweater and a scarf on the cover. The music is just the same as every other "emo", whatever that means. Pretty boring and plain.

    gutterhippo (April 13, 2003)

    this album is amazing, and this reviewer is a meathead! true, pop punk is not for everyone, but it does have it's fans. And have you ever considered that pop punk fans don't want to get into punk? Requesting that people listen to rollins is just ridiculous and holds as much weight to me as my stepdad telling me to listen to more credence clearwater revival.
    for those of you who were considering buying this album, but are now unsure becuase of the review you just read, please download the songs that he mentioned in his review. These songs are amazing and this band blew me away when i saw them live! Get into em before everyone else does!

    Anonymous (March 31, 2003)

    Victory was always a label that put out shitty generic music. Before this emo phase they just put out real bad hardcore bands, with a few exceptions.


    Anonymous (March 31, 2003)

    i want to know what all you people here think of my band... www.thechicagotypewriter.com ... we have two songs to download.

    Anonymous (March 31, 2003)

    sensitive rock is best left to morrissey, and not dumbass ex-hardcore jocks. peace

    Anonymous (March 30, 2003)

    band doesnt rock. nothing else to say.

    GreenVandal (March 27, 2003)

    HAhahaa, Victory putting out hardcore....wow that was a good one. Oh wait...that did happen! I

    Anonymous (March 27, 2003)

    wow, albany is gay enough without these guys. remember when victory used to be a hardcore label?

    Anonymous (March 27, 2003)

    count the stars have six different thong designs/colors availiable at their merch table..
    what could be hotter than a 14year old in a thong?!

    GreenVandal (March 27, 2003)

    This is a GREAT review. A jack off with your mouth.

    Anonymous (March 26, 2003)

    sensitivity is a good thing, sensitive rock is good

    though this album, i hated it

    Anonymous (March 26, 2003)

    this wasnt even a good review. go jerk off with glass

    GreenVandal (March 26, 2003)

    You make me want to be a better reviewer! HAHAHAHA. Great stuff. When are these kids gonna learn that you can get laid in ANY kind of band? Sensitive rocks only advantage is that you get laid exclusively by 15 year olds rather then the entire age spectrum like most regular bands.

    Anonymous (March 25, 2003)

    These guys definitly are trying to get laid my roomate saw them open up for the Voodoo Glow Skulls in Toledo and he said that half their merhcandise was panties

    Anonymous (March 25, 2003)

    Terrible music, nice guys though.

    The worst thing that Victory ever put out was The Snowdogs ep.

    a little boy whos beard grows long,

    SomeoneElse (March 25, 2003)

    "Sensitive rock is a crime."
    well put.

    Anonymous (March 25, 2003)

    before this band signed to victory, they played high school drama production after parties almost exclusively, true story.

    Anonymous (March 25, 2003)

    this review was great! very very clever..
    keep up the good work!

    Anonymous (March 25, 2003)

    Oh yeah, it was for: "1/2 is all the stars they're going to count from me. Generic and fake."


    Anonymous (March 25, 2003)

    Comment of the day award. Awesome.


    JiveSide (March 25, 2003)

    I gave this record two stars for the musicians involved, mediocre as they are, are able to lock-in and play together with some level of proficiency in addition to some decent production, even if it is nutra-sweetened. If Count the Stars were better musicians they would have scored higher, although the review would have been similiar. To score lower than two stars requires a complete lack of chops, passion, and street-corner production directed by the crackhead in front of 7-Eleven, not to mention wimpy songwriting. Keep in mind that songwriting isn't everything, but it is the most important task for a musician; for example a group of piss-poor musicians can write fantastic songs (Velvet Underground, Sex Pistols, e.g.), and vice versa (Dream Theater, Rush, most prog-rock, e.g.) and still make good music. Anyway, hope that clears up any questions concerning my score of this recording. Aight, that is all. Thanks fr all the comments, check out my other reviews if you'd like to try an' get in m'head. Peace.

    Anonymous (March 25, 2003)

    1/2 is all the stars they're going to count from me. Generic and fake.

    Anonymous (March 25, 2003)

    haha! excellent review!

    evildeadalive (March 25, 2003)

    I'm just wondering why you gave it 2 stars...

    Anonymous (March 25, 2003)

    I love that user name....heh heh "steakhouse"...brilliant.


    steakhouse (March 25, 2003)

    A new low for planet earth.

    Anonymous (March 25, 2003)

    It's so good to see someone tell the truth about this band. Great article!!

    Anonymous (March 25, 2003)

    God, another great review. This was a pleasure to read.

    FortyMinutesWest (March 25, 2003)

    Harsh, but fair.

    The_Killings (March 25, 2003)

    "but I`m also sure that this one`s forgotten by next summer and replaced by one of the million major label plastic new found boxcar charlottes 41"

    If by next summer, you mean this time next week, bingo.

    ommaddon (March 25, 2003)

    Humorous and scathing review... well done. I had low, low, low expectations for this band anyway. Completely disposable.

    - Jonathan

    Anonymous (March 25, 2003)

    I wouldn`t say this record is absolute shit, I´d rather guess that there are special moments for this sucker ... but I`m also sure that this one`s forgotten by next summer and replaced by one of the million major label plastic new found boxcar charlottes 41 ... or so ...
    but still quite a good record to make girls wanna get naked ;-)

    Anonymous (March 25, 2003)

    anyone remember student rick? that was downright embarassing

    Anonymous (March 25, 2003)

    this could be the worst thing that victory has ever released (and that's really, really bad)...

    Anonymous (March 25, 2003)

    Absolute shit.

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