The Carlsonics - The Carlsonics (Cover Artwork)

The Carlsonics

The Carlsonics: The CarlsonicsThe Carlsonics (2003)
Arena Rock Recording co.

Reviewer Rating: 1
User Rating:

Contributed by: MeganMegan
(others by this writer | submit your own)

Wow, listen to us, we're the Carlsonics, we play garage rock. We sound like 498,734 other bands. Megan's radiator is making more interesting noises than we do. Look, our album cover is us on a bus trying to look retro. We're so cool. What? You think we want to be The Strokes? How'd you figure.
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Wow, listen to us, we're the Carlsonics, we play garage rock. We sound like 498,734 other bands. Megan's radiator is making more interesting noises than we do. Look, our album cover is us on a bus trying to look retro. We're so cool. What? You think we want to be The Strokes? How'd you figure it out? Darn, now our cover is blown. But we're from D.C., not New York, doesn't that count for anything?

I'm the lead singer, Aaron Carlson, I want to sound like Mick Jagger, but I don't. Can't you just picture me trying to imitate his strut on stage? Listen to me, you think my voice is sexy in a cocky way don't you? Oh yeah, that's what I'm going for. Totally contrived, but you're dreaming about me at night, I know it.

I'm Mike Scutari. I play the drums. Listen to me "pound" out boring rhythms. Garage rock? More like garage soft rock. Wow, nothing I'm playing is at all interesting. I should have probably stayed in my garage.

We're Ed Donohue and John Passmore. We play guitar. We help keep the sound as generic as possible. We have one somewhat catchy song, "I Dig The Bushwack." Listen to it. Only listen to it, because the rest of the album is bad.

I'm Nikki West, I play the bass. You might not have noticed that, because you can barely hear it in the mix. Oh well, I didn't really want to be associated with this crap anyway. Please avoid our album at all costs. Isn't one The Strokes more than enough? You can now proceed to tell Megan how much a. she sucks b. this review sucks c. we suck.


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Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not respon sible for them in any way. Seriously.
Anonymous (May 25, 2004)

I miss you nikki!! See you guys at the black cat on 7/17!
Capitol Jeff

Huey (May 22, 2004)

Whoever wrote this review has some issues. I saw this band last night, picked up their cd, and it completely shreds, as did their live performance. They do not sound anything like The Strokes or The Hives, or whomever they are being compared to. More like the love child of Jawbox, Sonic Youth, and The Pixies. In my eyes, that is wonderful, frantic, and fucking excellent.

Anonymous (December 1, 2003)

Wow Megan,
That's exactly how I felt after Aaron came back to my place fucked me & left. that cocksucker. i do like the album though.

Anonymous (November 16, 2003)

You sure nailed Aaron Carlson...I've been thinking the same thing for years.

Anonymous (October 31, 2003)

"so I decided to take somebody's advice and sell the carlsonics' cd. I went down to my local record store... and they wouldn't take it."

Uh... No... CD stores only reject stuff if they already have too much of it or if it's damaged, and what the hell is your point. All this review says is "this sucks but I'm too stupid to write how or why". I haven't heard these guys at all, and I don't care to, but "Strokes rip off" is such a shitty description. I've heard every new band that doesn't play a straight forward punk subgenre called a "Strokes rip off". It means nothing.


funkisdead (October 30, 2003)

this band would kill their parents to have one quarter of the success, fanbase, cash, or respect of jimmy eat world.
as a matter of fact, i heard their old drummer actually tried it out, and has since been institutionalized.

Jesse (October 30, 2003)

Just because Jimmy Eat World wrote one poppy song that got famous doesn't mean they're a bad band.

Anonymous (October 29, 2003)

Megan gave five stars to a Jimmy Eat World concert.
I rest my case.

megan (October 29, 2003)

so I decided to take somebody's advice and sell the carlsonics' cd. I went down to my local record store... and they wouldn't take it.

Anonymous (October 29, 2003)

i guess i couldnt write something so long and not come back to check on it. first off megan sorry people rail against you. its a tough job, job? second janelle said whats important :"Thus, here's the conclusion: the majority of people will hate you no matter what you write. So, in the end is it worth it?"
janelle- i dont know, but why not.
..to the fiery cat and dog guy eat a dick. come to an order show and im gonna break your fucking face with my floor tom. -parker ,o yeah aaron, we still got heavy fucking beef.

funkisdead (October 28, 2003)

agreed, flaccid would be a much more descriptive word.

Anonymous (October 28, 2003)

there is absolutely nothing "soft" about the carlsonics.

megan (October 28, 2003)

this score is for the carlsonics' sense of humor. They obviously didn't take me seriously, so why should you?

Anonymous (October 28, 2003)

So I came across this review the other day and thought it was funny... the discussion it tipped off was funner, although most people here lack the slightest bit of wit (the people who think that "oh yeah, well fuck you" is appropriate in a debate).
Anyway, the discussion led me to find the album and give it a spin. derivitive? yes, for sure. Punk? no, not really. But it does have some merit. It is GBV-esque indie rock with heavy influence from the Who... which is just fine in my book.
On top of that, the band seems to have a sense of humor... posting a link to this review on first page of their website.
Count me as a new fan.

Anonymous (October 28, 2003)

Well, yes it is.
Ok the dramatics have passed. Sorry about that episode...

Anonymous (October 28, 2003)

I don't know. The review is original, so that's good. Don't remember seeing anything like that.
But it's funny; she gets bashed cos she thinks the album sucks and writes her OPINION about it (in a creative fashion, I might add), and other reviewers get bashed because they really like an album and are moved by it (and are averse to the rating system, hint hint...) and want to sing its praises.
Thus, here's the conclusion: the majority of people will hate you no matter what you write. So, in the end is it worth it?

-A disheartened Janelle
(disillusion setting in...)

Jesse (October 28, 2003)

Holy crap I'm going to bash Megan's head in with a two-ton brick! Thug 4 Life! 2Pac! Biggie! SHOUT OUTS TO MAH GEEZ in HEAVEN! I know you'ze up there pimpin' it up with JC and the boys.

Anonymous (October 28, 2003)

a. you suck

b. this review sucks

c. you all suck.

Nice review megs. looks like you've heard one too many crap records and are fed up with it all. Welcome to the world of music journalism.... yes, you'll hate all music except for the Rolling Stones by the time you're through


Anonymous (October 27, 2003)

"I think the review is pretty damn funny. Thats the way shitty bands should be reviewed, so atleast we get the point not to listen to them."

have you heard this band? If not why are you writing them off as being shitty without looking into it yourself....do you hold this girls taste in music that highly, do you even know her? Just wondering...

501 (October 27, 2003)

I think the review is pretty damn funny. Thats the way shitty bands should be reviewed, so atleast we get the point not to listen to them.

BSD (October 27, 2003)

I'm sorry, I have no opinion of this band, but Megan is without a doubt the worst reviewer on this site as of the day this was posted.

Anonymous (October 27, 2003)

Oops, I let that score get too high...

Anonymous (October 27, 2003)

Opinions are like assholes, etc.,etc.,etc......

sorry, I couldn't resist.

Anonymous (October 27, 2003)

i'm not in the carlsonics, so don't bother accusing me of being the eigth band member or whatever, but i still think this review is annoying, pointless whining.

you can dish it out but you can't take it! if you don't appreciate your work being the target of unfounded assumptions and outrageous interpretations, then you should think twice about writing needlessly scathing reviews of bands you don't know anything about.

Anonymous (October 27, 2003)

because someone likes the band they are the band members? or was there some proof of it being the band member that i missed?

Anonymous (October 27, 2003)

the band members were the five people who, practically in a row, made positive comments about the band.
i want to bludgeon them.

megan (October 27, 2003)

this score is for all of you! I just think it's absolutely super that you're all so interested in my life that you would make assumptions about me. The problem is, you got some things wrong, and I'd hate for you to look ignorant, so here we go!
1. I'm not in a band. This is because I don't have musical talent. At least I realize this, unlike many other people out there.
2. My punk news gossip column starts as soon as scott gives me the space!
3. Parker, thanks for telling me I won't like your band, now I don't even have to waste my time.
4. Yes, mommy and daddy are paying my tuition, but not too much because most of it is covered by my scholarship. I'm also not going for a liberal arts degree, I'm an accounting major with possible minors in marketing and psychology and an intent to go to law school after graduation. I guess Pizza Hut will have to wait a few more years for me!
5. The lame one who still isn't doing anything original would be The Carlsonics.
6. It doesn't matter to me how "punk" the Carlsonics are. I'm not punk, so why should I care if they are?

And the last point isn't about me, but something that must be said anyway. It doesn't matter how much energy a band has when they play. If they suck, they'll suck just as much with energy as they would without it. Energetic live performances don't necessarily equal talent.

Anonymous (October 27, 2003)

that makes 7 (seven) band members.

oh wait.. now it's 8!

Anonymous (October 27, 2003)

that was the opposite of funny. whoever posted that should get cancer. this score is for the 6th guy.

Anonymous (October 27, 2003)

and HERE's the SIXTH GUY!!

up next... the SEVENTH guy.

funkisdead (October 27, 2003)

OH SHIT! there's the fifth guy!!!

Anonymous (October 27, 2003)

hmm - two things i've learned from this review:

1. the carlsonics aren't punk enough.
2. megan isn't buddyhead enough.
sorry kid.

before you write this band off, go see 'em live. they got more soul and energy than those 498,734 other bands combined.

funkisdead (October 27, 2003)

well, i guess those four comments account for four members of the band. i eagerly await the fifth with bated breath.

i suggest you guys just take a clue from what happened to anti-anti, and not make unprofessional asses of yourselves. i would have much more respect for the band if they didn't berate members of the punknews.org community. why don't you register, stick around a while, make decent music, and then we can criticize the review together?

i maintain that just because you have a band and are trying does NOT mean that you are accomplishing anything positive. at all. i agree, having a band is fun and a great experience all around, but if the music you make sucks, and everyone except for your close circle of friends and family agrees, than your music sucks. i'm not recommending suicide or anything, just a reevalutation of your priorities in life. maybe reconsider going to college and getting day jobs?

if you aren't in the band, and you are just dropping by to talk shit to the reviewer, than i suggest you just the fuck up before you cause more damage. you will not encourage ANYONE to check out this band's music... same goes for that other kid who posted on here. as a matter of fact, you will probably annoy people into hating you and the band.

keep in mind that every day, people click through the reviews to see what is being said, so now all of us are opinionated and prejudiced against you. i, for one, will forever remember "The Carlsonics" as that whiny band, or perhaps more appropriately, as the band with whiny fans. before you guys, i may not have remembered them at all. so maybe one day i could have been on the net surfing for mp3s or whatever, and downloaded one to check you out. thank you for saving me the trouble.

carlos juan luiz de la garza de los gatos y perros de infierno.

this score is for you.

Anonymous (October 27, 2003)

i'm not going to say that this album is the greatest on any scale, but geez megan, it's just a cd. why are you so bitter? they're just some kids that played in basements for like 4 years and then got signed. they don't think they're anything special. you shouldn't either. please don't let this comment fuel your feelings of persecution.

Anonymous (October 27, 2003)

megan's review is proof that most "music critics", or "writers" (or whatever self aggrandizing banner you parade under), are nothing more than parasites feeding off the artistic endeavours of others.

they made the album, all you did was fucking write about it.
now tell me megan, honestly...
who's the lame one that's not doing anything original?

Anonymous (October 27, 2003)

hi, my name is megan. i have nothing intelligent to say about this album, so i am just going to whine and whine and whine. i am high and mighty, handing down my idiotic judgement from my throne, atop this stupid web site- which, by the way, is very very punk- punkier than the punkiest punks that every roamed in the comfortable suburban town where i grew up. never mind that i do not have any credibility whatsoever, that i do not write good music, tour, record, etc. mommy and daddy are paying my tuition to go to school to get my default liberal arts degree, so i can move back home and just work at pizza hut- but never fear i will continue to write these ingenious reviews, so that you don't have to think for yourself.

Anonymous (October 26, 2003)

"that guy's band probably sucks fucking balls. but i'm not going to check, because he has poor grammar. don't write lyrics, kid."

Don't be a closedminded fuck! I have seen his band they are out of control, he doesnt write the lyrics.

So go forth listen to his band and talk shit on them, that will be awesome.

Anonymous (October 26, 2003)

"our band may suck, but YOU should go out there and do it better. until then, you can't complain about our lack of talent."
gHey, with a capital H.

funkisdead (October 26, 2003)

that guy's band probably sucks fucking balls. but i'm not going to check, because he has poor grammar. don't write lyrics, kid.

Anonymous (October 26, 2003)

The first good review ever written by Megan.


Anonymous (October 26, 2003)

man what a bum deal. hi megan my name is parker. i live in virginia and have played many shows with the c sonics. i do not object to you giving them a poor review. i do dissagree that mike plays nothing interesting, in my opinion he is one of the most exciting drummers ive seen in a long time. also aaron reminds me more of a stooges/midnight oil rip off than mick jagger but judging by your stonesstrokes references. well im off base, my point
Megan. please understand that it takes a lot of hard work for a band to a) play shows and b) record their songs. i dont know if you are in a band or not. if not you should try it. if so then you should know what im talking about. there are bands like the carlsonics who bust thier ass. there are also bands who just have shit handed to them, bands like lets say jimmy eat world and reel big fish. ive heard these bands and well lets say they are not my preference. ive never been to chicago. i would love to go. here in virginia it must be a little bit more laid back. the kids here are bored. basically they just wanna have a good time. a lot of my friends do like the sonics. they have fun watching them play. and the band has fun playing. and compared to being bored, which i would be at the jimmey eats world show, 9 out of ten kids are choosing fun. ok.
um what really makes me feel bad is that somehow someone gave you a job or a password or whatever so that you write these reviews. what they gave you is power. please be level headed in your reviews. if you dont like something fine. say so. but to rail so hard on someone else you dont even know. its bullshit. i mean look at TahoeJeff's post. fine maybe he wouldnt like the band anyway but now he wont ever have a fair chance to hear the music and decide for himself. megan you are fucking up a good thing such as the underground music scene,(yes i know they just signed to arrco) without any good reason. besides, if i were you i would be most pleased to recieve a free cd even if i didnt like it just because i could take to to the record store and thats like 5 free bucks in my pocket. whatever.

ps a few other things: its not them on the cover. my friend thomas made that cover art he said its from some old yearbook. oops your burst. thomasdean80@hotmail.com or check out www.sctas.com for access to his and my band's site as well as a review board that deals with music proactivly rather than well...shitily

pps your not going to like our band megan but at least were not garage rock. um cause we play in the basement

8dollarclarinetsolo (October 26, 2003)

great review megan, when is your punk news gossip column starting up?

Lunk (October 26, 2003)

fucken a

FortyMinutesWest (October 25, 2003)

The "where's your band?" question has to be the most pathetic excuse for an argument I've ever seen.

Anonymous (October 25, 2003)

even though i dont really like the album either there is a difference between writing a review and talking shit and since you decided to do the shit talking i will too. Megan when is your rock band playing next?

Anonymous (October 25, 2003)

s to the a to the r to the c to the a...uh where was I?

Strewtho (October 25, 2003)

Quality review

Anonymous (October 25, 2003)

the 10 is for the band. they are good, they are funny, they are drunk. they have been around for a long-ass time. If you have a chance to see them please do, it will be worth it.

funkisdead (October 24, 2003)

this band name/cover art combo makes me want to make fire.

Lunk (October 24, 2003)

Brilliant review! this score is for you, Megan. I have a sudden urge to write a first-person review for some reason...

This band looks shit. I hate exactly what you've described here: Generic 'rock'... as if attitude, a serious love of yourself and a desire to take your shirt off on stage means you deserve anything other than a beating.

Anonymous (October 24, 2003)

With a few more years of intense training, they may be able to emulate the original sound of Jimmy Eat World. If they only could come out with a live album to match the intensity of Jimmy Eat World they could get a better review.

Jesse (October 24, 2003)

This score is for the review....this is why I'm coming to visit you Megan!

FortyMinutesWest (October 24, 2003)

This review pretty much sums up how I feel about every band like this.

inagreendase (October 24, 2003)

One more note...

"We sound like 498,734 other bands. "

Now no one can ever say Megan doesn't do research for her reviews! I know I'm impressed.

TahoeJeff (October 24, 2003)

lol...this review is awesome...I will avoid this like the plague

CallingLondon (October 24, 2003)

i actually laughed outloud at this review. but i'm not sure of your overall opinion of the band. do you like them or not?

Katie4213 (October 24, 2003)

my score is for the review. this is the best review i have ever read. megan you are genius.

Anonymous (October 24, 2003)

It was good for a laugh.


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