El Jefe - El Jefe's Amorphous Formula (Cover Artwork)

El Jefe

El Jefe: El Jefe's Amorphous FormulaEl Jefe's Amorphous Formula (2003)

Reviewer Rating: 0.5

Contributed by: JesseJesse
(others by this writer | submit your own)

This shit sounds like P.O.D. without the rock. Second rate rhyming takes a backseat to loud funk/atmospheric/shitty beats generated by a full band. It's really predictable and all the songs are "deep" and "introspective." It shit like this, where kids grow up and then just decide that they want t.

This shit sounds like P.O.D. without the rock. Second rate rhyming takes a backseat to loud funk/atmospheric/shitty beats generated by a full band. It's really predictable and all the songs are "deep" and "introspective." It shit like this, where kids grow up and then just decide that they want to make hip-hop music without any knowledge of what hip-hop is, that makes me want to start my own hip-hop group. Here, let me take a stab at a flow:

This band is terrible/the sound is unbearable/I'd rather listen to a cat choke on a hairball.

See how bad that was? This band is even worse:

"Perhaps there's a few things I should explain/how I came to be here and what's my name/It's Wecker but ya probably call me The Wiz/and wreckin' mics late night is how I handle my biz."

So far we have four lines, and not one mention of porn, bitches, weed, booze, sex, coke, or Timberland boots and Land Cruisers. Who the hell do they think they are? Well, here's what I have to say to El Jefe:

Go buy Wu-Tang's "36 Chambers," Dr. Dre's "The Chronic," Ol' Dirty Bastard's "Nigga Please," Mos Def "Black on Both Sides," The Roots "Things Fall Apart," anything by Nas or Jay-z, anything by KRS-1, some Dead Prez for extra flavor, and a pinch of RUN-DMC for a nice solid base. Listen to all these records straight through. Listen to them again. Realize that you'll never be as good as these groups and quit making music.


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Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not respon sible for them in any way. Seriously.
Anonymous (August 17, 2004)

BSD insists upon showing how much of an imbecile he is

tahoejeff (August 16, 2004)

I really liked the Grey Album by DJ DangerMouse

Icapped2pac (August 16, 2004)

All you guyas who like true-school hip-hop, I highly recommend anything by Insight, specifically "Updated Software V. 2.5", "Targeting Zones", and his new album, "The Blast Radius", dropping August 24th. His shit is thorough.

Anonymous (August 16, 2004)

"I think the reviewer meant DONT buy anything from Jay Z"

The Black Album is one of the best albums that came out this year. Hell, it's better than alot of punk albums that came out in 2004.

Anonymous (August 16, 2004)

Bitch, you too afraid to weed out?
Or too busy doing the eat out?
Brag about lickin' yo bitchez clit?
What next, brag that you eat your own shit?
Well, I'm tha nigga who's off the tip
When I'm done with your woman, her privates will be ripped
Cuz I'd rather be dressed in the county blues
Than constantly sucking up pussy juice.


Anonymous (August 16, 2004)

I haven't decided if this is the greatest group of comments I've ever read on this site or the number one reason for me to kill myself.

I'll get back to you when I figure it out.

Anonymous (August 16, 2004)

"Raised from the grave, I strike BACK!"

Thought about these verses while showering.

Everyone knows I murked you/ Just look at your epitaph//
"White boy, fugly and wack too!"/ Bitch, your life is one big laugh//
Don't come talking about guns/ You's too weak to hold a gat/
Haha, the only thing you'll pull is a fucking boot strap// (haha fuck that's wack... tried to come out with something about pulling the plug to your own life, but I can't think about anything tight right now)

Talking shit about emptying clips/
Bitch please, you's afraid to lick a clit//
There is no Empire striking back/
No hope for you, the Jedi got clapped//

Anonymous (August 16, 2004)

"Laugh at the class that you lack!"

Stop fronting, shut your mouth/
You's the high school dropout//

Sorry that was kinda weak, but it's kinda late and i'm too busy enjoying my new emo glasses.

Anonymous (August 15, 2004)

Raised from the grave, I strike BACK!
Laugh at the class that you lack!


Anonymous (August 15, 2004)

sorry dude

but those two bars have yet to have slain me.

Anonymous (August 14, 2004)

Aiight wiggas, I'mma kill y'all with 2 bars.

Emcees wanna battle me but I'm in front with the rhymes/
'Cause to me, y'all are like Jennifer Lopez, nothing but behind//

Anonymous (August 14, 2004)

They say cuz I white, I can't be a nigga,
Might as well be a nigga, my dick is that much bigga
That's right, punk, you heard it first
Whoever's frontin' is gonna get it worst
So say so if you wanna start some shit
Bullets start flyin- your bitch might get hit
And I'll just brush it off- think I give a fuck?
I'm a cold motherfuck, so you're outta luck.
You so amazed that you might get mugged or beat.
Watch your back, fool, does this look like Sesame Street?
Down here, Ms. Piggy is turnin' tricks
Kermit the Frog is sellin' bricks
So on the other hand, if you don't understand,
Can't blame ya
Ya ain't from this land
As some as you forget, your mouth is runnin' fast
Keep in mind, BSD will smoke your ass


Anonymous (August 14, 2004)

here's the real question... why did punknews review this in the first place?

Anonymous (August 14, 2004)

ah shit i saw this review i thought el hefe (nofx) had done a solo album. its rap? damn.

Jesse (August 14, 2004)

That ripped. I need time to orchestrate a decent response.

Anonymous (August 14, 2004)

You talked the talk to the wrong type
You're Ice T and I'm Wesley Snipes
This is MY city, New Jacked as FUCK
Lookin' for a better life, you're outta luck
Wanna talk? Open up wide!
I'll put it in and take you for a willy ride
When I'm done, I bet you'll think I'm ruthless
You lucky, bitch, you jez toothless!
Coz when I want, I can be much worse
I could box you up and put you in a hearse
So double dee diddle think about that
When I'm cruisin' around lookin' PHAT.

-Notorious BSD

Jesse (August 14, 2004)

In case you missed it, my tag is Nameless:

You wanna talk battles?
Yo, I'll slaughter you like cattle,
Then the only thing that'll escape your lips
Will be your death rattle -
I dare you man, just pull out your glock,
Take a step back
I'll put you with the rest of the flock
My Wu-Tang style has made me bulletproof -
Fire off all your rounds,
I'll defend like *poof* *poof* *poof*
It'll leave you flabbergasted, dumfounded and aloof
I'll print you out a receipt, here man, take your proof-

Feel the hard rhythm of my flow
Just like slugs hitting your chest
See my flash my strong colors
Like I was flashing my family crest
If you don't wanna end up like a clown,
Then get the fuck out of Nameless' town.

(in retrospect, no one in the Wu would use the word "flabbergasted")

Anonymous (August 14, 2004)

You wanna know what's up? I'll tell you what's goin' down
Best pack up, I'm runnin y'ass outta town
Niggas say I won't, just cuz I'm white
They afraid, cuz I won't hesitate to fight
That's only if I'm full of enough 8-ball
I'll fuck some shit up and hit up the pool hall
Once I'm there, I'm there and guns are blazin'
Keep screamin', bitch, does it look like I'm phazin?
Nigga fall left, right, left, and I keep on walkin'
You'll end up the same if your punk ass is talkin!
Cuz BSD strikes FURIOUSLY, only when you ain't lookin'
Then I'll leave you all bloody and see what your mama's cookin'
What's up? What's down? What the fuck it matter, punk?
Y'ain't gonna be the fuck around!


Jesse (August 14, 2004)

(sidenote for those who don't know hip-hop

BSD's flow was an obvious allusion to NWA, while my verse was Wu-Tang in nature, and a tribute to Juvenile's "Slow Motion" for the hook)

Jesse (August 14, 2004)

Here I go - this one's for the ladies:

They say that loose lips sink ships -
Well your pussy's are the loosest
and the Titanic was modeled after my dick,
Yeah I'm shamless - you can't contain this
The bitches be screamin' nonsense all night because I'm nameless
Feel the wrath of sword
Feel the fire of my words
Just like a drunk driver - you can't control the swerve/
of my flow, yo, now drop it down low!

(hook)Yeah, bitch, just drop it down low
Flick it like a switch and drop it down low
There's only one thing you really gotta know
Just drop it down low, drop it down low.

Anonymous (August 14, 2004)

Daaaaaaaaaaaamn that shit was dope!

Anonymous (August 14, 2004)

Booooo Jay-Z

Dre: Yo, B, tell'em where you from

BSD: Straight outta Compton,
A brotha that'll smotha ya motha
And make your sister think I lovah
Danger-azz motha fucka raizes hell
And if I ever get caught, I make bail
See, I don't give a fuck, that's the problem
I see a motha fuckin' cop- I don't dodge'im!
I'm smart, lay low creep a while
And when I see a punk pass, I smile
To me it's kinda funny, the attitude show a nigga drivin,
Don't know where the fuck he goin, just rollin'
Lookin' for the one they call BSD,
Well here's a flash, they'll never seize me
RUTHLESS! NEVAH SEEN like a shadow in the DARK
'Cept when I unload- you see a spark
And something about hesitation
And hear the scream of the one who caught the LAST penetration!
Feel a li'l gusta wind and I'm JETTIN
Leave a memory NO ONE'll be forgettin'!
What about the bitch who got shot? FUCK'ER!
Think I give a damn 'bout a bitch? I ain't a sucker!
This is the auto-bi-og-raphy of the B, and if you ever fuck with me
You'll get taken, by a stupid dope brotha who will SMOTHA
Word to the mothafucka,
Straight outta Compton


Anonymous (August 14, 2004)

I wouldn't even use this fucking cd as a coaster, it needs to be put in the microwave to put it out of it's misery.

TrailerParkJesus (August 14, 2004)

"Hey jesse don't give this album any mercy whatsoever."

"Great Idea!"

Meh, it probably deserved it. Fuckers.

Anonymous (August 14, 2004)

Score's for the mentiong of Dr. Dre's The Chronic and dead prez.

(turn off the radio, turn off that bullshit)

Jesse (August 13, 2004)

I too thought about the possibility of it being a solo release of El Hefe. But the spelling is different, something that should be obvious.

innocentbystander (August 13, 2004)

lol i also thought that it was some kind of solo release from nofx's el hefe.

tahoejeff (August 13, 2004)

Punk News!!!Throw Your hands in the motherfucking air bitches!!! M.C. TahoeJeff In the Hizzouse!! I wanna dedicate this next song to ElJefe!!

Vanilla Ice called, he wants his style back/
Its like your rubbin all up on Mc Hammer's sack./
Its pretty sad when Kriss Kross says your rhymes are Whack!/
and I'm 99% sure that this dude aint black
Word to your mother!

Anonymous (August 13, 2004)

"and quite making music"

scott...need i say more.


i-type-poorly (August 13, 2004)

haha, i thought this was a El Hefe solo album too. Then i saw the cover and right away knew "no way"

Anonymous (August 13, 2004)

what sucks worse? The cd or this review

wannabepunktony (August 13, 2004)

I think this reviewer meant to write DON'T go buy anything by Jay-Z.

Anonymous (August 13, 2004)

shit - I thought this was a solo album by El Hefe from NOFX - those fuckers spoiling a good name

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