The Rescue

The Rescue: Phone NumbersPhone Numbers (2004)
United Edge Records

Reviewer Rating: 0.5

Contributed by: JesseJesse
(others by this writer | submit your own)
Published on November 9th 2004They scream during the verse, they sing terribly off key during the chorus and second verse. They have throat cancer screams and shitty breakdowns that are sloppier than Angelina Jolie's pants while she's watching "Sling Blade." If you can't keep straight time during recording, then I don't even w.

They scream during the verse, they sing terribly off key during the chorus and second verse. They have throat cancer screams and shitty breakdowns that are sloppier than Angelina Jolie's pants while she's watching "Sling Blade." If you can't keep straight time during recording, then I don't even want to imagine how off this band is live. I really can't believe that we have another one of these bands, and I can't believe how many kids are gobbling this crap up. So much warbling, so much sucking. It's unbearable.

All the vocals in this band are cartoonish and terrible. Not only do you have the guy who sounds like he's puking everytime he tries to scream emotionally, but you have the guy who sings off-key and the girl who sings off key with sweet sugary indie-pop vocals, you know, like Jenny Lewis on those Postal Service tracks. I seriously picture this being the soundtrack to The Neptunes if Jabberjaw and gang ever got together and did a modern version of their show.

This band is careful to steal things from every band out there blowing up big. "The Windshield As A Lover" takes the concept of using a car crash as a metaphor for love or a breakup, with such quality lines like "I can't say that I love you, but I'd love to see you die." Hey guys, Thursday did this three years ago with "Understanding in a Car Crash," and to tell you the truth, their version of this concept doesn't seem like such a horrible song anymore, compared to yours. In other songs, riffs are ripped off completely from Thrice, and the breakdowns are all the same chord and the same damn pattern that every fucking band has ever done when they try to be metalcore. Did I mention that the guy who screams sounds like Cookie Monster every now and then? "Me Lost Me Cookie At the Disco" shall forever be the best song sung by Cookie Monster. Oh, and they have a song titled "Tragically Florida." What the fuck?

On the cover is a page of phone numbers with "Cooke C" circled. Inside there is a newspaper clipping talking about how a 19-year-old girl was found dead on her bed with "this is heartbreak" painted on her wall. The back of the CD has a picture of a dead girl with a pillow over her face (just like the newspaper article) and "goodnight angel" cut out and pasted by it, and a grave with "Cooke" on it and "sleep tight" cut out and pasted by it. As far as I can tell, this CD is advocating the murder of ex-girlfriends.

I think I can sum up this release in one word: LAME. Go out and buy something else to listen to.

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Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not respon sible for them in any way. Seriously.

Anonymous (November 22, 2004)

this band is a fuckin joke

Anonymous (November 20, 2004)

Hey Jesse...

I hope you get cancer you fucking faggot.

Anonymous (November 15, 2004)

Kids like them. Why is it cool to not like music just because it's nothing new and different? Do you people really have such shitty lives that all you do is sit on a computer and bash some local band? If it sucks so much then simply din't listen to it. Shitty or not they have you people talking about them constantly.

Jesse (November 14, 2004)

You know, I would take you up on that parade. Just buy me a plane ticket, and then celebrate my asshole-ness on the street with ticker-tape. And yes, I will allow attractive females to feed me grapes while I sit in my throne.

Anonymous (November 14, 2004)

Just remember when she says this band is fuckin worthless

Anonymous (November 14, 2004)

incredible thank you, you made me day

Anonymous (November 14, 2004)

Jesse, as a member of the long island hardcore community i just want to personally thank you for ripping this band apart. Fuck this shit, this shit is being posted all over long island message boards and everyone wants to throw a parade for you.

Anonymous (November 13, 2004)

What a shitty review. Obviously it's just not the kind of music this person is into. Everyone has bands they like and dislike...but who is he to judge anyone? Let me hear him write, record and release a cd. Then he can say whatever he wants. Don't bash people because they write music they like. Grow up.

Jesse (November 12, 2004)

No, it doesn't.

Anonymous (November 12, 2004)

does this have anything ot do with "rescue" from detroit?

Anonymous (November 11, 2004)

yeah umm change ur name

lastlifenick (November 11, 2004)

Haven't heard these guys yet, but Slowdance's Rescue is fucking amazing.

Jesse (November 10, 2004)

It's weird...every once in a while, I get a review published, and everyone hates me for it. There's no middle ground, it's just everyone disagrees. Then other times I write a review and everyone praises me for it. Hmmm...is it too much to ask for some of my supporters to "get my back" when all these guys try to "throwdown?"

Anonymous (November 10, 2004)

This score is for Jesse's review. Never fails to put a smile on my face.

-ObeyYourParents

Anonymous (November 10, 2004)

But are they worse than Away From Here?

-Strewtho.

Jesse (November 9, 2004)

Shit man, I'm just surprised people aren't yelling at me for slandering their favorite local act.

bemused (November 9, 2004)

poor jesse, you are always given the shit to review

-Chris-

lou (November 9, 2004)

PS - i agree with scott, rescue > the rescue... by a lot.

lou (November 9, 2004)

as soon as i read the first paragraph i knew this review was from jesse. not that that is a bad thing by any stretch of the imagination.