The Jonbenet - Five Stories Retold (Cover Artwork)

The Jonbenet

The Jonbenet: Five Stories RetoldFive Stories Retold (2004)

Reviewer Rating: 3

Contributed by: InaGreendaseBrian
(others by this writer | submit your own)

From the hyperactive, strummed chords, to the - seemingly dual - vocal screams and grungely jangled feel, most everything about the JonBenét's arty style of hardcore is fairly skilled and well done...the only problem is, it's pretty much all been done before by the Blood Brothers (most especially M.

From the hyperactive, strummed chords, to the - seemingly dual - vocal screams and grungely jangled feel, most everything about the JonBenét's arty style of hardcore is fairly skilled and well done...the only problem is, it's pretty much all been done before by the Blood Brothers (most especially March On Electric Children era). The band is obviously really talented at playing a newer style, but the copycat technique can get a bit overbearing in places.

The standout track is perhaps "Stolen Home, Stolen Home," where the tempo is the most fast-paced, the bass lines most frenetic, the vibe most sassy, the screams most throat-tearing, and the chords most spazzy. It contains nice little slowed down segues and the showcased range of vocalist Michael Murland. He does the sinister snarling, vocal chord shred, and manic yell all himself, and it's pretty incredible to know it's all coming from the voice of one person. Though it's probably the worst written song on the EP in terms of lyrics ("I can't wait to try this knife out, I seriously can't wait / yellow paint won't cover bloodstains / ...this blade, your neck"), the rest of its composed nature makes up for it fine. But again, it still sounds an awful lot like the Blood Bros.

"Eleventh Century Folklore" opens with a low-end feeling over crescending/decrescending chords in a very, appropriately, introductory nature. "Trophy Wives" contains another prime example of the aforementioned segues the band takes with just about every track, delving into an air of treachery with the slowed down guitar theatrics. It's a little repetitive but an interesting trademark to have nonetheless.

The influence is obvious here, but the band pulls it off well enough where I really don't mind much. They could've picked much worse, and they've definitely got the potential to grow out of the phase and pull off something a bit more original.

Eleventh Century Folklore
Trophy Wives
Stolen Home, Stolen Home


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Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not respon sible for them in any way. Seriously.
Silas (September 27, 2007)

For everyone that hates the name of this band, have you ever taken a trip through a "Deathgrindcoregore" band's friend list? I don't think so.

Because I'm pretty sure that "Cum Guzzle Syringe Fuckers", "Riding Baby Corpses Down Railways", and my personal favourite, "Shrapnel Being Forced Into Commie Children's Eyes" is a lot worse than this.

God I hate that shit, god I love this band.

Anonymous (April 24, 2005)

Well I think the Jonbenét kicks ass.. so suckanut haters..

By the way, whoever has anything against the Blood Brothers should go die.

Anonymous (January 25, 2005)

oh and my review wasn't directed to youl Brian, sorry if it came out like that :P


Anonymous (January 25, 2005)

yes, their sound resembles blood brothers, and what is wrong with that? some high pitched screaming, and a wonderful singing voice, can't ask for much more

but i guess it's okay for there to be hundreds of growling hArDxCoRe bands that sound exactly the same though right?

James Seidler
(put your name you anonymous trolls)

p.s. jonbenet rocks your faces

SilentStorms (January 2, 2005)

Just listened to the mp3s and they ain't too shabby. I can see the Blood Brothers instrumental thing going on, but the singer reminds me a lot of JR Ewing. Don't know if I'll buy the album, but thanks for the review.

blinkrules (December 31, 2004)

"let your waves crash down on me and take me away" saw these yellowcard lyrics on a girls away message this week.

Anonymous (December 31, 2004)

While we're making up band names that mock recent tragedies, I think I'll call my next band "Tsunami Bomb."

Anonymous (December 31, 2004)

Has anyone taken "Achmed and the 9/11 Heroes?"

Anonymous (December 31, 2004)

I'm naming my next band 'Laci Peterson's Fetus'.

Anonymous (December 30, 2004)

this band is unequivocely the most emotional gritty band ever.

Anchors (December 30, 2004)

Subtlety would do you wonders, BSD.

Anonymous (December 30, 2004)

Yeah, JonBenet Ramsey was a real "bitch"... Fuck that little cunt, because it hurts Anchors so much that her parents murdered her.

Damn I hate those fucking kids who get killed.


Anonymous (December 30, 2004)

good review...

trailerparkjesus (December 29, 2004)

"I can't imagine how many other cases went unsolved because they didn't have the recources, because they were all being devoted to this bitch."

actually, the county she lived in only had 1 murder the entire year... hers, so its a pretty peaceful community..

Anonymous (December 29, 2004)

Someone needs to go over to The JonBenét foundation website and hook them up with this stuff! I'd love to see the reactions on their faces!

Anonymous (December 29, 2004)

lamest band name ever

Anonymous (December 29, 2004)

my message seemed to get cut off. it must be bush's fault.

go support these guys on tour, they are better than you.


Anonymous (December 29, 2004)

dude...seeing this on here makes my day. i

Anchors (December 29, 2004)

I'm starting up "The Menendez Militia." I'm rocking the gong. I'm going to need a kazoo, wind chimes, and a tamborine. Who's with me?

notfeelingcreative (December 29, 2004)

Apparently this band is touring with another band called "the kidnap soundtrack" what the fuck is up with these bands?! If you'd like I could form a band under the moniker "the susan smith accomplishment" or some shit like that!! "Hi we're the Laci Peterson four!". Wow.

Anonymous (December 29, 2004)

Wow, it's weird living in Houston and seeing local bands getting coverage on here. First Die Young and By the End of Tonight and now The JonBenet. Who knows, maybe Machine Gun Romantics or Ten Crowns will be next. Yay for quality Houston hardcore.....oh, and if anyone remembers me railing on Die Young, I take it back, I've since hung out with the band and they're actually pretty cool, and once I gave their music a chance, it was actually pretty good. Oh, and since the guy from The JonBenet didn't say it, I will, they're playing a show on the 1st with the Kidnap Soundtrack at Mary Jane's. It's a tour kickoff, so show up and have fun.


Anonymous (December 29, 2004)

thanks for taking the time out to listen to our filth.
i wrote stolen home close to 3 years ago, and it bugs me too but i never did anything about it
go listen to our new stuff at www.purevolume.com/thejonbenet

p.s. we're a red light sting rip off band, duh.


Anonymous (December 29, 2004)

a sass-core band named after one of those famous child abductions ever...hmmm

electricjackals (December 29, 2004)

I don't think she was the only girl in the world with that first name...

Anchors (December 28, 2004)

Fuck JonBenet Ramsey.

Hey, somebody needs to say it.

Kids are abducted every single day, why was she so special that she needed media coverage out the ass, and every cop in Colorado looking for her? I can't imagine how many other cases went unsolved because they didn't have the recources, because they were all being devoted to this bitch.

Anonymous (December 28, 2004)

Local band for me. I like them a pretty good deal. They really are a blood brothers ripoff, but they do it alot better than most other blood bros rip of bands, coughfearbeforethemarchofsuckcough.

sk8punx4evr (December 28, 2004)

again with the misuse of accents!

notfeelingcreative (December 28, 2004)

I agree with the comment posted below.

Anonymous (December 28, 2004)

One of the worst band names I've ever heard. These guys should be ashamed of themselves...

Daveid (December 28, 2004)

From what I've heard (Eleventh Century Folklore), I'd have to agree, these guys have a lot of potential. I got almost a Saetia-ish feel from this, although that may be because of the production. Good stuff, though.

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