Son, Ambulance

Son, Ambulance: KeyKey (2004)
Saddle Creek Records

Reviewer Rating: 0.5

Contributed by: JesseJesse
(others by this writer | submit your own)
Published on January 11th 2005This guy used to play with Bright Eyes. Guess what this sounds like? It sounds like a guy who used to be in Bright Eyes started a band! So you know that means. It means that some whiney kid thinks he's a singer/songwriter, you know, like The Boss or Bob Dylan. But hey, this guy can actually sing. Do.

This guy used to play with Bright Eyes. Guess what this sounds like? It sounds like a guy who used to be in Bright Eyes started a band! So you know that means. It means that some whiney kid thinks he's a singer/songwriter, you know, like The Boss or Bob Dylan. But hey, this guy can actually sing. Does it save the CD? Nope!

So when this loser isn't ripping off Bright Eyes (well, he does a much better job of writing Bright Eyes songs than Conor himself) he's busy ripping off The Boss. And no one fucking touches The Boss. That's why he's The Boss. Oh God, this next song is called "Sex In C Minor." More like "Lame In Lame Minor." And it's touching close to seven-and-a-half-minutes. Someone put this guy's ego in check. Oh, and the first song, called "Entropy," is an answering machine message left from a little kid saying, "Daddy, it's Father's Day, when do you want to watch me? Okay, bye, I love you." Boo-fucking-hoo. So your dad doesn't love you. Did you have to write music about it? To be honest, I don't fucking care. My dad loves me. That must mean I'm better than you. Or maybe your dad loved you too; in that case, you're just trying to get the sympathy vote. Well guess what? No sympathy from this guy, buckaroo.

Oh God, now he just started singing like fucking Conor Whinebuckets. I'm telling you, the only thing this guy had going for him was a good singing voice, and a knack for copying other artists' material, but as the CD gets further on, it's just a rip-off of Bright Eyes, and The Boss influence is fading. So then, what are we left with? I'm not quite sure myself, but I think it comes from eating too much hot sauce on your tacos. Oh yeah, diarrhea. That's the word I'm looking for. This record has the consistency of steaming diarrhea. Yup. It's watery, it burns, and it makes you feel unpleasant even up to an hour after it's finished.

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Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not respon sible for them in any way. Seriously.

barcode (January 17, 2005)

Isn't this site moderated?

Why would such a horrible review even get posted? My dog can write a better review than that.

Anonymous (January 14, 2005)

Who cares? You're their best seller!

Anonymous (January 13, 2005)

This album rocks. I don't know why this reviewer is such a moron...

hobbitcore (January 13, 2005)

stop trying to be like buddyhead

ZING!

Jesse (January 13, 2005)

Oh yeah? Well the jerk store called, and they're outta you.

Anonymous (January 13, 2005)

well, this review certainly sucked. Scores for Jesse.

Anonymous (January 13, 2005)

get your head examined if bruce springsteen sounds like bad music. greetings from asbury park, e street shuffle, born to run and the river are the shit. to say the least.
WNB
-jd

score is for the boss

Anonymous (January 13, 2005)

He name-drops too much nowdays as well.

Off yourself Jesse. Your career as pn.org staff reviewer is coming to a close.

-BSD

Jesse (January 12, 2005)

Didn't know I changed? Hmm...

I'm totally a sell out now. Like SCOTT. Fucking Alternative Press cocksucker. Put me in a room with him, and I'll katana duel him to death.

Anonymous (January 12, 2005)

WHOOOO! Jesse's going off the HOOK with this one! Usually, Jesse reviews were once entertaining because he was honest in cutting down records, but now he's trying way too hard to be over the top. Bring it back down, stop trying to be so outrageous and actually review the album, you cocky prick.

Score is forJesse's old review style.

KeithyBoBeefy (January 12, 2005)

I haven't listened to these guys, but if they sound anything like Bright Eyes they have to be horrible.

I also don't get what makes Springstein so great. Bright Eyes Bruce=Bad music to me.

Anonymous (January 12, 2005)

Consider my turds resting warmly on your chin Jesse.

Score's for the review.

Anonymous (January 12, 2005)

Peter Barnes has a 12" cock.

kenjamin (January 12, 2005)

hey atleast you make some bank reselling all the crap they send you right?

Jesse (January 12, 2005)

You "cant"? You "cant" what until I rip on the new Bright Eyes?

A) Newsflash: I'm not going to be reviewing that hunk o' trash unless they send it to me, which they won't.

B) Learn how to type and spell, moron.

Anonymous (January 12, 2005)

lol, i seriously cant till Jesse rips on the new Bright Eyes

Anonymous (January 12, 2005)

this is a fucking awful review
stop trying to be like buddyhead
and die plz, thx :-*

theundergroundscene (January 11, 2005)

Are people really hating on Bruce Springsteen?

Chug the shit under the sink, kids.

Anonymous (January 11, 2005)

i reviewed this cd for my school's radio station. God it is fucking lame. Pitchfork loved it. Who woulda thought???

kenjamin (January 11, 2005)

your shaft is hairy!? Are all guys like this? Am I the odd one out again?

Costanza (January 11, 2005)

I remember 9/11, but that doesn't mean it was good.

Jesse (January 11, 2005)

You love me! You hate me!

But most important, you know who I am, and what I have to say about music. And that's really the point. Stupid, mindless tricks to make you remember me, and remember my taste in music.

Anonymous (January 11, 2005)

(_)_)#########D~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~hahaha a dick! has anyone seen this shit....it's fucking funny

boba_fett (January 11, 2005)

funny. i laughed.

good times.

Anonymous (January 11, 2005)

Usually I love Jesse's reviews, but this one was just flat-out stupid. You were trying too hard to live up to your reputation of "merciless asshole who rips on everything" and ended up sounding stupid.

The album's all right, and the songs do get longer than necessary sometimes.

Anonymous (January 11, 2005)

Score is for Bruce Springsteen (I am still ashamed that I didn't like him when I was younger)

Anonymous (January 11, 2005)

jesse, i didn't think i could despise someone i've never met. your ability to sound like a pompous jackass is unmatched.

Anonymous (January 11, 2005)

By comparing the reviews it's obvious that Jesse is less talented than GregOrb...

Anonymous (January 11, 2005)

score is for the review which left me feeling empty inside

Anonymous (January 11, 2005)

I don't like this album muchat all, either.

But this review is even worse.

sickboi (January 11, 2005)

The Boss.....hahahahaha. Have any of you ever heard the Opie and Anthony show? Man, that bit they did on Springsteen was priceless.

Anonymous (January 11, 2005)

Score's for Bruce Springsteen.

I'm still ashamed that I enjoyed "Born in the USA" when I was 6-7 years old.

-Chinatown

Anonymous (January 11, 2005)

Sounds pretty shitty

Costanza (January 11, 2005)

Score is for this review, and the one you wrote that started off "bitch, please."

Anonymous (January 11, 2005)

Score is for the review, lol....

Anonymous (January 11, 2005)

man...well then I just don't like this new emo, how about that?

Anonymous (January 11, 2005)

picking on artists because of what they write about has gotten really fucking lame. really, i know you're fishing for a few laughs, but it's honestly not funny. and not because he's "writing about serious stuff that happened to him" or anything like that, it's just that jokes like that became trite and annoying about a year ago.

oh, and bright eyes isn't fucking whiney. i'd like to know what track on his last album was whiney. oh wait, you didn't listen to it and you're just jumping on the bandwagon? oh hey, big suprise.

lou (January 11, 2005)

to the comment below...
yes, notice the album... *ahem, art.

ps, i didn't think it was THAT bad. but jesse always makes me laugh.

Anonymous (January 11, 2005)

Is music like this the new emo?

Jesse (January 11, 2005)

Somebody already reviewed this? Just so people don't think I was going out of my way to be an asshole, I got sent this in the mail and gave it the once over just like everything else I get sent. If I would have known it was already reviewed, I wouldn't have reviewed it.

Anonymous (January 11, 2005)

i expect much better reviews from a staff member. really. what the fuck was that?

the album isnt too bad. I like his previous album more.

-travis

Anonymous (January 11, 2005)

score is for the review. truly hilarious.
-WNB
jd

Anonymous (January 11, 2005)

Holy bad review.

Anonymous (January 11, 2005)

first. and this record sucks.