Various

Tour Is Hell DVD (2005)
Eulogy Recordings

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Contributed by: Anchors
(others by this writer | submit your own)
Published on July 29th 2005

I’m sure you fine people will correct me if I’m wrong on this one, but the idea of a live DVD, or a tour DVD, is to show the band's live performances along with various other hijinks on the road, interviews and whatever else is deemed fit. Why then did Eulogy Records pick three of the worst live bands, or just worst bands all around, to be on this DVD? Shattered Realm, On Broken Wings, and Black My Heart are pretty much unfit to entertain a crowd with an IQ anywhere over their shoe size, and yet, here they are on Eulogy’s first volume of the Tour Is Hell series.

Massachusetts’ mosh metal band On Broken Wings start the DVD off by saying “we’re not really good at interviews,” then proceed to prove it every time they’re given the chance to speak. The lone highlight of their time is their story of being almost arrested by swat team members, because those swat members thought the air soft gunfight the band was having with Black My Heart was actually gang warfare. Had it actually been gang warfare, maybe one, or all of the members would have sustained injuries preventing them from playing the set caught by cameras, because it was absolutely awful. I’ve said numerous times and still hold to it that Remembering Never is the single worst live band I’ve ever seen, but On Broken Wings' uninspired drudgery gives them a run for their money. The lead singer is the only member of this 5-piece who moved during the entire performance, and that was only back and forth, in between horrible sounding growls. Ouch. Black My Heart fared slightly better, as the two songs they provided the DVD with are slightly more energetic, but still the only thing worth watching is their penchant for lighting off fireworks inside their moving tour bus. But even that gets old pretty quickly.

Approximately 46 bottle rockets and Roman candles later, Shattered Realm are given their portion of the DVD, which they use to talk about beating up some metal band they encountered while on tour in Tacoma. Wow, that’s cool. About as cool as bragging about how much weed one of the members of your band can smoke in the next interview piece. Now, I’m not quite capable of saying I’m straight edge with a straight face, but bragging about how much you can smoke is pretty pathetic. And just as the two bands proceeding them, Shattered Realm managed to almost bore me into a coma with their brand of uninspired, passionless hardcore. The one thing of note in their set is it’s the first time that you can actually see the crowd in any of the shots. There were very limited crowd shots during the previous sets, and when they did shoot a glance in that direction, all you were able to see was black. Whether it’s the venue's lighting or the camera that’s at fault, it still makes for a horrible performance.

The Judas Cradle has no live footage on this DVD, as they weren’t able to make it to the show were the sets were filmed, which is a shame because the tour footage is really nothing but a highlight reel of how boring the personalities of these guys are. There’s some freestyling, skipping on the beach, and swimming, and that’s about the extent of it. The footage of the Warriors rounds the rest of it out, and thank God, because it’s honestly the most entertaining thing on here. The live footage is solid, the band has some good energy, and the guys are pretty amusing. There’s also music videos for the Judas Cradle and the Warriors tacked on the end that are a decent addition.

I really feel like I need to apologize, because I know damn well this is a boring review. But one can only do so much with the material that they’re given, and in this case, I was given a shiny, thin, circular turd. Thank you Eulogy, for wasting an hour and a half of my life in which I could have watched three episodes of "Boy Meets World," or something else exponentially more entertaining.

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Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not respon sible for them in any way. Seriously.

rkl (August 3, 2005)

Various - Tour Is Hell DVD
Posted by Anonymous on 2005-08-01 23:40:02

first off, i'm sure this is absolutely horrible.

second, Strung Out have not gotten worse with each record, you moron. Granted, I do prefer SBTWB over just about all of their albums, but the musicianship later on is much much more complex and awesome. I just happen to have a love for really fast music. Speedball...what a fuckin' awesome tune. I think I'll go listen right now.

-phdecontrol

first off, if youre going to bandy around insults, prove them. nothing in your statement supports your classification of me as a moron. in fact, only morons need to use insults to strengthen their arguments, often from lack of a real point.

secondly, better musicianship != better album. everyone's got their own opinion, i have mine. if you cant deal with that, i suggest you quit reading my comments.

Anonymous (August 2, 2005)

"i havent heard the casket lottery or glass and ashes, but they have the pretentious names."

..and what does that have to do with how the bands actually sound?

Anonymous (August 1, 2005)

first off, i'm sure this is absolutely horrible.

second, Strung Out have not gotten worse with each record, you moron. Granted, I do prefer SBTWB over just about all of their albums, but the musicianship later on is much much more complex and awesome. I just happen to have a love for really fast music. Speedball...what a fuckin' awesome tune. I think I'll go listen right now.

-phdecontrol

Anonymous (August 1, 2005)

What about bands who's names ARE Cursive?

Anonymous (August 1, 2005)

"strung out, however, have gotten progressively worse with each album"

You're fucking retarded, how can you say suburban teenage wasteland blues is better than element of sonic defiance?

-Not-To-Regret

rkl (August 1, 2005)

i havent heard the casket lottery or glass and ashes, but they have the pretentious names.

strung out, however, have gotten progressively worse with each album.

moos (July 31, 2005)

tour is hell? pff. please stay at home and give other bands in the 'scene' so room to tour and rock out.

Anchors (July 31, 2005)

Disproof;

http://www.punknews.org/reviews.php?op=albumreview& id=3638
http://www.punknews.org/reviews.php?op=albumreview&id=37 42

Anonymous (July 31, 2005)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0000007QP.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

Hypothesis disproven...

rkl (July 30, 2005)

hypothesis: any band whos logo-name is in cursive font sucks ass.
proof: this cover
disproof: ?

Anonymous (July 30, 2005)

....who?

Anonymous (July 30, 2005)

The Judas Cradle is the only band I like from this label. Remember Arma Angelus? Man...I miss them.

Ramo
(Feeny!)

Dude, why do you miss them? fall out boy is still around and kickin' it!

Anonymous (July 30, 2005)

Tour Is Hell,

War Is Hell.

ho ho ho aren't we witty .

Anonymous (July 30, 2005)

Metalcore Is the new Hardcore *apparently* so all the kids tell me.....well no please get a musical education.

Anonymous (July 30, 2005)

What is it with all the funerals, euologies, deaths , burying etc, that thematically infest this audio-plague? Do kids with trucker hats and really bad tattoos have this inherent fear of death? Maybe its a symbolical mourning for the agonizing lack of credibility and thought in this genre.

Anonymous (July 29, 2005)

How'd this get released? What a slab of shit!

Anonymous (July 29, 2005)

Poor review to be honest. I dont like hardcore or any of these bands but this review is weak. Try writing more about why you dont like them instead of just saying they are terrible.

Anonymous (July 29, 2005)

The only thing lamer than the girl you guys are talking about is the fact that you watch "Made" on MTV.

Turn off the TV. Leave the house.

crazytoledo (July 29, 2005)

Evergreen Terrace, Kids Like Us, Calico System, etc.

And we get Judas Cradle.

Meh

theundergroundscene (July 29, 2005)

there are so many better bands on this label

why on earth did they focus on these five

Anonymous (July 29, 2005)

The Judas Cradle is the only band I like from this label. Remember Arma Angelus? Man...I miss them.

Ramo
(Feeny!)

punkcorekid (July 29, 2005)

the warriors rule.

recordings (July 29, 2005)

"Remembering Never is the single worst live band I’ve ever seen"

i 95% agree. i can think of a few more that were way worse, but they were unsigned and local. so yes, remembering never is an absolute shit-band.

as is this whole dvd.

Anonymous (July 29, 2005)

hahaha, maybe they did.But fuck cmon the whole fuckin wardobe?haha oh and the whole breakdown part was fuckin' hilarious, what was she thinking?score is still for the dumb bitch.

-JL

Anonymous (July 29, 2005)

errr...woman

Anonymous (July 29, 2005)

Just fyi,that girl is the most hated women in hardcore now

Archangel (July 29, 2005)

No lame intro = much better review.

Anonymous (July 29, 2005)

word in the south is that Eulogy sent that girl a box full of shirts.

fuck that label and fuck this dvd.

this review redeems for the not so good Horse show review =P

-sharkie

Anonymous (July 29, 2005)

dude the dumb bitch had the whole eulogy wardrobe.score's for the dumb bitch.

stevejonestherealbones (July 29, 2005)

haha. i think i saw commercials for that, was it the one where she was supposed to be "punk" and "hardcore" and wanted to get made into prom queen?

thats funny

score is for the stupid ass shows on mtv that i fucking hate and that make me angry but i cant stop watching

- jones the bones

- stevejones8770@yahoo.com

Anonymous (July 29, 2005)

the girl on "made" last night had an on broken wings shirt on.

stevejonestherealbones (July 29, 2005)

i havent heard of any of these bands which means they suck

- jones the bones

- stevejones8770@yahoo.com