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Jets To Brazil - Orange Rhyming Dictionary (Cover Artwork)

Jets To Brazil

Jets To Brazil: Orange Rhyming DictionaryOrange Rhyming Dictionary (1998)
Jade Tree Records

Reviewer Rating: 4
User Rating:


Contributed by: fatheadMark Williams
(others by this writer | submit your own)

About two weeks ago, something very bad happened. I was cooking a sandwhich at the steak shop I work at, listening to this album. I was bobbing my head, trying to ignore the customers staring at me, making sure I wasn't spitting in their food. They always stare at me. The next sandwhich was cal.
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About two weeks ago, something very bad happened.

I was cooking a sandwhich at the steak shop I work at, listening to this album. I was bobbing my head, trying to ignore the customers staring at me, making sure I wasn't spitting in their food. They always stare at me. The next sandwhich was called over the loud speaker and, like the "slave to the man" that I am, I emidiately began to cook it. I looked up to see who this customer was (I was hopeing for maybe a short-haired brunette girl with a perfect smile and a big ol' butt, but no such luck) only to see a disturbingly ugly young lad with died black hair, several chains and facial piercings, and an Exploited t-shirt on.

"What's up man." I said, as I normally do to people dawning the punk style.

"What the fuck are you listening to?" he said rather rudely.

"Jets to Brazil, and could you not curse in front of the other customers." I replied, just as rudely.

"Jets to Brazil...oh yeah, I've heard them. They fucking suck. They sound like R.E.M. or some shit like that."

"R.E.M.!!! Dude, you obviously haven't heard them. They're like post-punk, but completely different from anything out there, with some of the best lyrics you'll ever hear, and please, don't curse in front of the customers."

I was begining to get a little heated with this guy, and believe me, I don't get mad very often.

"Whatever. I've heard them and they fucking suck. Please don't call them punk cause they sure as fuck aren't punk. They're slow and sad, and their lyrics don't make any sense. Just fucking stupid if you ask me."

At that moment, I walked back to the back, changed the cd player to song 2, "Morning New Disease", and replied "Listen to this fucking song and tell me they don't rock."

He stood there listening to the song, in my opinion, the best on the album, but still, no luck.

"It's crappy alternative music, man. They fucking suck. Go get a fucking Fear album, you fucking putz."

"Man, FUCK YOU. I like Fear, but Jets to Brazil is way fuckin' better than Fear. They have more thought in one verse than Fear ever had in their lives." I said, my temper rising.

"Wait a second....I knew I knew you from somewhere. You were at that party on Lincoln St. last month weren't ya. AHHAAHHAH! You puked off the deck all night and passed out in the yard.AAAHHHAAHA!"

Granted, I was there, I was shitfaced, and I probably did puke at some point in the night, but one thing I don't do is pass out before all the beer that is there to drink has been drunk.

"Fuck you man, that wasn't me." I handed the asshole his sandwhich and said "Get the fuck out of my face."

"Later pussy, have fun cooking and listening to your pussy rock. Don't puke on the grill, pussy."

At that moment, something inside of me snapped. I grabbed the spatula, leaped the counter in a single bound, and ran after the guy. When I reached him, I grabbed his shoulder, spun him around, and decked him with my cooking utincil.

"Aww, Fuck, you broke my..."

I continued to pound away as if he were a piece of chicken on the grill. One of his facial piercings was now lying a few feet away, and he was crying like a baby.

"Get off me man, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm mmmmhhmhmmh...."

Just as I began to get the spatula into his mouth, the mall security guards pulled me off him, slapped some cuffs on me, and took me to jail.

Yesterday, after two weeks of waiting in a very lonely cell, I finally stood before the judge.

"Fathead, you are charged with aggrivated assault with a spatchula, how do you plead?"

"Guilty, your honor"

"What the hell were you thinking son?"

"The guy just kept on talking trash about Jets to Brazil, and I guess I just snapped."

"Well, seeing how this is your first offense, I'm going to let you go with a $25 fine, as long as you don't let it happen again."

"Thank you sir, thank you." I said exstatically"

"Just one more thing..." he said in a stern voice. "Do you have a copy of "Dear You" I can borrow, I can't find it anywhere?"

"Hahaha, I sure do,Judge, I sure do!"

 

 
People who liked this also liked:
Jawbreaker - Dear YouJawbreaker - 24 Hour Revenge TherapyAlkaline Trio - GoddamnitDescendents - Milo Goes To CollegeJets to Brazil - Four Cornered NightOperation Ivy - Operation IvyJawbreaker - BivouacAgainst Me! - is Reinventing Axl RoseThe Clash - London CallingThe Gaslight Anthem - The '59 Sound

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Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not respon sible for them in any way. Seriously.
AnEpicProblem (April 5, 2010)

Mandatory 5 stars for a Jets to Brazil release.

allogistic (December 8, 2007)

oh
my
god

sold!

keithybobeefy (June 30, 2007)

STarry Configurations and Sweet Avenue are probably my two favorite tracks on the record. But they are all wonderful tunes. Blake has a fantastic way of making words come to life.

stricken (November 16, 2006)

i like Perfecting Loneliness more.

randomhero323 (August 24, 2006)

i bet this didnt ataully happen

peaceonmars (June 8, 2006)

This is one of my favorite albums of all time.
Haha, great review.

youwinalemon (January 23, 2006)

I actually do think Jets To Brazil does kind of sound like Document-era R.E.M. That's alright, though, since R.E.M. was pretty awesome back then.

One of the best album's I've ever heard.

Godfather (October 5, 2005)

well, this isn't jawbreaker, but it is close enough

9.8/10

Anonymous (May 19, 2005)

Blake's voice should always sound like it does on this record. It should not sound like how it does on Perfecting Lonliness, which sound like Bono.

Anonymous (May 12, 2004)

i like JtB more than i like jawbreaker. both are fantastic, but this cd just makes it unfair to compare the two in my opinion. i feel bivouac, while good, is overrated. dear you is incredible, but orange rhyming dictionary has Sweet Avenue, one of my personal favorites.

Anonymous (May 10, 2004)

This is my second favorite record of all-time. Bivouac just edges it in awesomeness.

Le_MAD (March 25, 2003)

Man, this is good.

beyta18 (October 20, 2002)

to be honest, this is one of my favorite cd's, very catchy from the first time you hear it

punk_kid (September 1, 2001)

i must say i enjoy Jawbreaker much more than these guys, but they are still good.
haha nice review though dude. ive often wanted to beat some of the customers while i was slaving away too. i wish i had the balls too. the best i ever did was throw a hamburger at them.

Anonymous (August 13, 2001)

Great album, alot of stuff left over from blakes jawbreaker notebooks, good stuff, great live show.

I dont get the nothing rhymes with orange bit mentioned below, its called orange rhyming dictionary because as far as Ive seen most rhyming dictioinaries are a nasty orange color. The little easy to use ones, and most of em ive seen. Not important though. Carry on.

Anonymous (August 13, 2001)

is anyone else tired of these "nothing ryhmes with orange" references?

Anonymous (August 12, 2001)

i like this record but jets to brazil just lacks that jaded bitter kind of vibe that jawbreaker worked so well.

ncg1 (August 12, 2001)

my gosh. is this not the best album ever? sure, the latest album mellowed out a ton, but "orange rhyming dictionary" takes the cake. like scott says, it has two of the best ballads ever, along with mutated and devilishy warped pop songs. the writing is the best to date from any artist if you ask me.

Anonymous (August 12, 2001)

Hey man after your review, that I liked... I opened Morpheus and download some Jets To Brazil to hear what they had to say and play. Honestly the music didnt catch me to quickly... but I'll give them more chances to catch my ears.

Anonymous (August 11, 2001)

great album

exploited and fear are the gayest bands.

liquidinvert (August 11, 2001)

Man my mom said the same thing about them and R.E.M., the jets are so much better than R.E.M, good review, great album.

Anonymous (August 11, 2001)

hahah good times. i havent heard the cd but the review was worth a ten

Anonymous (August 11, 2001)

am i the only one that thinks ur full of shit? the part where the judge wanted to hear the cd was a nice touch though.....

sickboi (August 11, 2001)

I had that same fantasy working in the food industry several years ago everyday I went to work. Minus Jets to Brazil though.

coldjuly (August 11, 2001)

Yeah...good review ok album though

maverick (August 11, 2001)

Wonderful review, fathead, but only four stars? Come on, this album is perfect. Songs like "Sweet Avenue" and "Sea Anemone" are some of the best ballads ever written, while "Chinatown" and "I Typed For Miles" fucking rock, and don't forget about the pure pop goodness of "Resistance Is Futile." And I'd fight someone who would badmouth it, too. =)
-Scott

Aubin (August 11, 2001)

Great review fathead... great record too.

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