The Dwarves

The Dwarves: Free CocaineFree Cocaine (1999)
Recess Records

Reviewer Rating: 4.5

User Rating:

Contributed by: kamataccikamatacci
(others by this writer | submit your own)
Published on December 4th 2005Free Cocaine manages to be both one hell of an album and one really crappy record. However, the Dwarves and their fans know how to keep their priorities straight. Hopefully you know who the Dwarves are, but I'm sure there are a few people who mistakenly clicked on this instead of the Victory revi.

Free Cocaine manages to be both one hell of an album and one really crappy record. However, the Dwarves and their fans know how to keep their priorities straight.

Hopefully you know who the Dwarves are, but I'm sure there are a few people who mistakenly clicked on this instead of the Victory review next to it. So in a nutshell, Chicago's the Dwarves are one of the wildest, craziest, and best punk bands ever. Their infamous and pornographic songs and shows have secured their place in punk rock mythology. I think this one lyric can sum them up completely: "Gimme the things that drive me insane / Teenage women and free cocaine."

Free Cocaine collects a bunch of their early stuff from between 1986 and 1988. And I do mean a bunch, with 39 tracks clocking in at about fifty minutes. The entirety of the Lucifer's Crank 7" and the Toolin for a Warm Teabag 12" are included, as well as a bunch of rare, alternate versions, and unreleased stuff. You know the drill.

Do keep in mind, this is some of their earilest stuff. It isn't nearly as clean as the Dwarves usually are, and the Dwarves usually aren't that clean anyway. These are rough and raw tracks with more emphasis on attitude than production. Plus, it's riddled with a bunch of out-of-place audio clips that usually involve them wrecking some radio station.

However, if you can live with some audio crackling, you have one extremely rocking album. Free Cocaine isn't the Dwarves' finest release, but it's still a punk classic nonetheless with more bang for yer buck. Get it if you know what's good for you.

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Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not respon sible for them in any way. Seriously.

Anonymous (December 14, 2005)

this band really knows how to party. and they gave me free cocaine! the music was good too great live show.

the_other_scott (December 10, 2005)

sorry dude josh homme consumes more nictotinevalumvicodinmarijuanaecstacyandalcohol c-c-c-cocaine than you could ever imagine

what a lame thing to argue about

Anonymous (December 10, 2005)

"i bet josh homme parties harder than any member of the dwarves" Sorry, that is theoretically impossible. Scarface didn't party as hard as the dwarves.

-Ken

the_other_scott (December 10, 2005)

i bet josh homme parties harder than any member of the dwarves

localh (December 8, 2005)

cocaine is pretty awesome

Anonymous (December 8, 2005)

Are teh Dwarves still afraid of Richmond,VA?

Anonymous (December 7, 2005)

"Only two of the protruding pieces of bones (the two top ones) look like actual penises."

HAHAHA

Anonymous (December 7, 2005)

did someone really comment that only the tops of the bones looked like dicks? honestly.
-TOBB

Anonymous (December 7, 2005)

this is just really silly music.

Anonymous (December 5, 2005)

This band is ace, and has been around a lot longer than most people realize...they have a psychadelic years collection, if you catch my drift. This record is absolutely mandatory, as is their 1989 followup "Blood Guts and Pussy".

-Ken

"Gimme Aids - Fuck me, I just wanna get laid! Gimme Aids...yeah, yeah..."

Anonymous (December 5, 2005)

I'm not such a fan of their earlier stuff but Come Clean, Young and Good Looking, and Must Die (their bandwagon albums) are all awesome. Real punk records. Score's for all of those albums.

-Not-To-Regret

Anonymous (December 5, 2005)

OHHHH

-Will

Anonymous (December 5, 2005)

Cheap shot: Chinatown wouldn't know about those things.

-Will

sickboi (December 5, 2005)

They are 2 dicks.

The top parts are the heads, the bottom part are the nutsacks...

Anonymous (December 5, 2005)

Only two of the protruding pieces of bones (the two top ones) look like actual penises.

-Chinatown

TheOneTrueBill (December 5, 2005)

"I still am bumbed that I have not seen this band live. We need a Meatmen reunion tour with them bringing the Dwarves along. That would be the best shit ever."

Oh my god, I can't even begin to think of the madness that would ensue if that happened.

I finally saw te Dwarves for the first time a few weeks ago and it was awesome. At one point this half naked chick who was dressed up like HeWhoCannotBeNamed jumped up on stage, made out with him, then he pushed her off and her ass fell straight onto my face. She smelled like shit and my t-shirt smelled like her ass for the rest of the night. Outside of that it was great.

housewrecker (December 5, 2005)

Long live the Dwarves...

Anonymous (December 5, 2005)

the cover would be cooler if they managed to incorparate some naked women.

Anonymous (December 5, 2005)

I DONT like the dwarves,

I DO like the skull and crossboners.

MrStabone (December 5, 2005)

"Would it be ironic, and possibly a good promotional tool, to offer free cocaine at point of purhacse of this album?"

I don't if it would be ironic, unless ironic is a new word for really expensive.

Uhhh, that'll be 60 dollars for the CD, but it does come with some free cocaine.

I still am bumbed that I have not seen this band live. We need a Meatmen reunion tour with them bringing the Dwarves along. That would be the best shit ever.

Testiclese (December 5, 2005)

this band blows

Anonymous (December 4, 2005)

"Chicago's the Dwarves are one of the wildest, craziest, and best punk bands ever"

abysmal waste of time review.

dwarves are naff and your quote is appalling

rkl (December 4, 2005)

this is one of my favorite records ever.
and it would still be so even if they were based out of topeka.
some people will bitch about anything.

soulbleed (December 4, 2005)

i don't know about you, but that kid who says 'fuck all' says it in like every comment he posts and it's the most annoying phrase EVER invented. shut up, dude.

and dwarves are from chicago, and were neer in seattle. fag.

feeeding5000 (December 4, 2005)

Eh. Just, eh. Like the skull and penises, though. Very...interesting.

lushj (December 4, 2005)

Seattle? They were on SubPop, but weren't based there. After Chicago, they ended up in the San Francisco Bay Area for years and years (from "Toolin for a Warm Teabag" through the 2000s. Now Blag and the current band are mostly based in Southern California.

Jesse (December 4, 2005)

This kid isn't staff. Everyone's allowed to write reviews.

Anonymous (December 4, 2005)

"And to the moron below who thinks this site is such crap yet spends alot of time on it commenting on stuff, you can write your own reviews. You should try it sometime, but you should probably wait until your grade school teacher tells you how to write."

First off, to the above commertor, suck me.

I would write a review for this site but I'm too busy listening to Atlanta's U2.

The Dwarves are known as a Seattle band, fuckface. That is where they live, rehearse, operate out of, hence they are a Seattle band.

I don't think having been a Chicago band as of 19 years ago makes you a "Chicago band." And if you asked any member of The Dwarves where they are based, do you think they're gonna say Chicago? Nope. Why? BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT A CHICAGO BASED BAND.

I'll fist you, junior. Bend over, spread your cheeks and wait for daddy.

Anonymous (December 4, 2005)

The band that wouldn't diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie.

Anonymous (December 4, 2005)

The dwarves are from Chicago idiot. Alkaline Trio don't live here anymore either, but their still from Chicago.

Anonymous (December 4, 2005)

The Dwarves are orginally from Chicago. You said they haven't been from there since 86, well that's when most of these songs were written.

And to the moron below who thinks this site is such crap yet spends alot of time on it commenting on stuff, you can write your own reviews. You should try it sometime, but you should probably wait until your grade school teacher tells you how to write.

Anonymous (December 4, 2005)

Would it be ironic, and possibly a good promotional tool, to offer free cocaine at point of purhacse of this album?

Anonymous (December 4, 2005)

"Chicago's The Dwarves???"

Once again, the reviewer doesn't know fuck all.

Why, oh why, do you pick these dumbshits to write Punknews reviews?

Maybe because you're intent on proving once and for all that this site is CRAP!

What's next, a review of Indianapolis' Dropkick Murphys?

SUCK IT!

Yeah, because where the band is from is truly the most pertinent aspect of the review. Moron.

-Chinatown

Anonymous (December 4, 2005)

Their song on P-O-R 4 sucked. That's all.

-Chinatown

Anonymous (December 4, 2005)

overproduction has nothing to do with selling out

gladimnotemo (December 4, 2005)

I have never really been able to get into this band. For all the complaining they did about "sell outs" on the last album, it was awfully over-produced sounding.

Anonymous (December 4, 2005)

great stuff

swingline (December 4, 2005)

omg there's some penis sword fighting on the cover! GAY

lushj (December 4, 2005)

This album is fucking great. Tooling for a Warm Teabag is such a great 12", Lucifer's Crank, wow!

I guess this would be the second version (vision?) of the Dwarves- the first being the 60s garage stuff. I'd say the third (and current version) is everything from "The Dwarves are Young and Good Looking" when Blag really came into his own as a producer and started going for a full, dirty/clean sound.

This record is from when the Dwarves did 8 minute sets, threw instruments, punches, and kicks @ the crowd: utter mayhem.

P.S.- The Dwarves haven't been from Chicago since 1986 or so.

FuckYouOiOiOi (December 4, 2005)

this album doesn't live up to its name.

Anonymous (December 4, 2005)

I sure could use some free cocaine right now. Fuck, I'd settle weed.

8dollarclarinetsolo (December 4, 2005)

i dunno about 9 but i appriciate it

Anonymous (December 4, 2005)

Blag is a fuck but the Dwarves are god damn AWSOME!