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Onion Flavored Rings

Two Minutes' Enlightenment
2005
No Idea

Onion Flavored Rings - Two Minutes' Enlightenment (Cover Artwork)

Review by: Matt Whelihan
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Published on January 20th 2006

If there is anything I’ve learned from reviewing music, it is that the press sheet accompanying an album is often inaccurate. Whether it is outlandish band comparisons or embellished claims of said album’s significance, press sheets often work more as selling points for lazy critics than informative documents. So, it is a welcome occurrence when part of a press release actually proves true or useful.

The press sheet that came packed in with Two Minutes’ Enlightenment offered one of these rare true statements. It stated that, “What would be jangly folk-punk songs are amplified and rock-ified into power-pop-punk bursts with a unique sound that makes you want to dance and sing along!”

Now, I could just stop my review right here and leave you with that quotation as an indicator of what Onion Flavored Rings have to offer, but sadly, I am not a P.R. person and there is always more to an album than just its positives.

So yes, Onion Flavored Rings are a band that blend folk-punk and power-pop. They have a fun and -- thanks to singer Steve Funyon’s quirky, nasally cadence -- unique sound. They play the kind of music that is made for basement DIY shows where self-conscious arm-crossing is cast off for dancing and singing.

Still, it isn’t just the music that makes Two Minutes’ Enlightenment “fun,” there is also the CD packaging. From the simple exterior cartoon art, to the lyrics that are presented as a rebus, and a crossword puzzle with the band as its subject, the CD seems like a self-made product that was done for amusement rather than profit.

Despite all of the album’s great attributes, “fun” is often a dangerous prospect, one that can lead to awkward moments, like when someone tells a joke that just isn’t funny and you still feel obliged to laugh. For Onion Flavored Rings, these glaring instances most often arise in the lyrics. Sophomoric lines like “I was a boy / And it was time for takin’ chances / It was time for growin’ up / I got a girl / And it was true love everlasting / Up until she broke it off,” mix with trite self-loathing like “I know I’m unattractive / I guess it’s sad but true / I thought it wouldn’t matter/ Okay, I’m stupid too / For thinking you could love me / For the person on the inside,” to create distracting moments within otherwise simple and catchy songs.

Still, faults aside, Two Minutes’ Enlightenment is a nice breath of fresh air that blew in from the poppy and fun outskirts of the punk rock world. A breath that recalls both the simplicity and adolescent joy of classic pop-punk, while infusing it with some of folk’s troubadour quality.

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Posted by juump on 2007-04-10 12:20:13

Sadly, and for all his high-falutin' talk, the reviewer is no less shallow than Jonesy. The name prejudices him to see a "cartoon" cover (on the LP, at least, it's clearly a watercolor painting) and to hear songs as if they are only trying to be "fun." He supports this with cherry-picked lyrics, and there you have it: a review of the record he wanted to hear instead of the one he listened to.

Still, can't be too hard on an uptight scaredy-cat music geek who actually writes, "'fun' is often a dangerous prospect." Yes,scary stuff, this fun. Beware, kids. Beware.

Posted by SilentStorms on 2006-01-24 15:50:17

There's no way you're twenty. Please god, there's no way Jones is twenty.

Posted by SilentStorms on 2006-01-24 14:00:54

It's like talking to a 2 year old. Way to back up your point.

Posted by stevejonestherealbones on 2006-01-23 22:38:28

hahhahahahahhahahahahahahahhah

- jones the bones

- stevejones8770@yahoo.com

- the h's and a's stand for real laughter

Posted by SilentStorms on 2006-01-23 16:35:56

How do you think? Because you judge bands on their names before even hearing them? That makes a lot of sense.

Posted by stevejonestherealbones on 2006-01-21 15:17:28

i'm only half the idiot you are silent storms

- jones the bones

- stevejones8770@yahoo.com

Posted by SilentStorms on 2006-01-21 13:47:58
My Score:

Hey Jones, you moron, not listening to this band because they have a stupid name is an extremely arrogant thing to say - just because they have a bad name doesn't make them bad. In this case, they just suck. Or rather, in my opinion I do not care for this band. But yeah, ur a fucking idiot if ur serious.

Posted by stevejonestherealbones on 2006-01-21 13:27:13

"- p.s. they are bigger pussies than at all cost"

Hm. Well, Paul Curran is in this band and he has been coordinator of MRR for a while and worked there since the 80's. So um, go get fucked internet dorks with nothing to contribute to the scene?

hahahaahhaha fucking dork. i dont listen to your band cause your a bigger pussy than internet dorks

- jones the bones

- stevejones8770@yahoo.com

Posted by Anonymous on Saturday, January 21, 2006 at 10:03 AM (EST)

I'm shitting my pants waiting for the I hate myself collection...

Posted by MrStabone on 2006-01-21 06:27:02

i have been wondering for a while what this band is all about

ya know what we should do for reviews. have a hosted mp3 of what the critic thinks is their best song and the worst song

so we dont have to go to their website we can just hear the shit right here. that would be cool

Posted by notfeelingcreative on 2006-01-20 20:10:20

Assumably Jack Curran's brother.

Posted by Anonymous on Friday, January 20, 2006 at 7:01 PM (EST)

Paul Curran! Good stuff, well this guy can do no wrong.

Posted by lushj on 2006-01-20 18:15:50

Paul's also an ex-Crimpshrine member, as well as ex a ton of other melodic punk and pop bands. Haven't heard this one yet, but the first one was really really good! Good catch by No Idea...

Posted by Anonymous on Friday, January 20, 2006 at 4:49 PM (EST)

Posted by ElVaquero on 2006-01-20 13:18:53

It's No Idea, couldn't be that bad.

Posted by stevejonestherealbones on 2006-01-20 13:11:17

i dont listen to onion flavored rings cause lets face it...its a stupid fucking name

- jones the bones

- stevejones8770@yahoo.com

- p.s. they are bigger pussies than at all cost

Posted by Anonymous on Friday, January 20, 2006 at 12:10 PM (EST)

see them live, its a completely different atmosphere than the discs...fuck, now im getting all nostalgic for mission records (rip)

Posted by Anonymous on Friday, January 20, 2006 at 10:26 AM (EST)

is this the type of folky punk that was made famous by am! ??

Posted by warningdevice on 2006-01-20 09:23:21

this band is so fucking rad!
but it's not as good as "used to it"
i still paid money, and it was worth every fucking penny
i highly reccomend this to everyone... i even know hippies who are down with these guys... odd

Posted by AlmostPunkEnough on 2006-01-20 03:04:56
My Score:

a few less than stellar moments, but otherwise a really fun, really solid record. No Idea keeps impressing me.

and yea Blade Runner, "Ask Mark Twain" is so damn good.

Posted by REALPUNX4LIFE on 2006-01-20 01:25:18

This is no Used to It. Huge disappointment.

Posted by blade-runner on 2006-01-20 01:20:10
My Score:

No Idea is consistenly putting out good/borderline great records.

It's only a matter of time before before they blow us away again with another masterclass release a la "Reinventing Axl Rose" or more recently "Ask Mark Twain".

This comes pretty close.

Posted by danperrone on 2006-01-20 01:15:51

ughhhhh i want funyuns

Posted by Mute98 on 2006-01-20 00:23:51

these guys remind me a lot of crimpshrine.. badass cd

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Onion Flavored Rings