Punx!

up teh punxsatawney

Hey,

I'm working on a short story that involves the war-torn city of Beirut as seen by an American woman. It's for a creative writing class. I've included a small portion of it below. Can you punkers and punkettes give me your unbiased opinion on the quality of my writing? Do you find my descriptions evocative, my sentences tight? Thanks!

***Liz Weeden***

"About an hour later something wakes her. She comes out on the balcony again, telling herself to be alert. It is nearly four a.m. and she has a sense of some heavy presence, a grinding in the earth. She leans over the rail and sees a tank come chugging around the corner in the cratered street. Mounted cannon bobbing. She feels the beat of adrenaline but stays where she is and waits. She thinks it’s an old Soviet T-34, some scarred and cruddy ancient, sold and stolen two dozen times, changing sides and systems and religion. The only markings are graffiti, many years of spritzed paint. The tank moves up the street and she hears voices, sees people walking behind it. Civilians talking and laughing and well-dressed, twenty adults and half as many children, mostly girls in pretty dresses and white knee-stocking and patent-leather shoes. And here is the stunning thing that takes her a moment to understand, that this is a wedding party going by. The bride and groom carry champagne glasses and some of the girls hold sparklers that send off showers of excited light. A guest in a pastel tuxedo smokes a long cigar and does a dance around a shell hole, delighting the kids. The bride’s gown is beautiful, with lacy appliqué at the bodice, and she looks surpassingly alive, they all look transcendent, free of limits and unsurprised to be here. They make it seem only natural that a wedding might advance its resplendence with a free-lance tank as escort. Sparklers going. Other children holding roses tissued in fern. Brita is gripping the rail. She wants to dance or laugh or jump off the balcony. It seems completely possible that she will land softly among them and walk along in her pajama shirt and panties all the way to heaven. The tank is passing right below her, turret covered in crude drawings, and she hurries inside and pours another glass of melon liqueur and comes out to toast the newlyweds, calling down, “Bonne chance” and “Bonheur” and “Good luck” and “Salam” and “Skal,” and the gun turret begins to rotate and the cannon eases slowly around like a smutty honeymoon joke and everyone is laughing. The bridegroom raises his glass to the half-dressed foreigner on the top-floor balcony and then they pass into the night, followed by a jeep with a recoilless rifle mounted at the rear.
It is over too soon. She stays outside, listening to the last small rustle of their voices falling. It is stil dark and she feels a chill in the smoky hair. The city is quiet for the first time since she arrived. She examines the silence. She looks out past the rooftops, westward. There is a flash out there in the dark near a major checkpoint. Then another in the same spot, several more, intense and white. She waits for the reciprocating flash, the return fire,/but all the bursts are in one spot and there is no sound. What could it be then if it’s not the start of the day’s first exchange of automatic-weapons fire? Only one thing of course. Someone is out there with a camera and a flash unit. Brita stays on the balcony for another minute, watching the magnesium pulse that brings an image to a strip of film. She crosses her arms over her body against the chill and counts off bursts of relentless light. The dead city photographed one more time."

yawn.

... is this town really spelt Punxsatawney?

yes! "reviews written by robots..." robots are cool, anyway, this was a really good show !! It was quite interesting how many folks traveled quite a ways for this show, at one point Tim asked how many people were from Punxutawney, only a handful raised there hands!! Fifth Hour Hero will be missed !! & phil was sleeping.

jim

i feel like all the reviews this week were written by robots. except jesse's

"can someone post an actual set list from smoke or fire on this tour"

When they played Chicago, the set was (in album order):

When The Battery Dies, Rises In The East, Worker's Union: -nothing-

Above The City: "California's Burning", "Filter", "Cops And Drugs", "Culture As Given", "Delawhere, "Fire Escapes", "Southpaw", "Point Break".

This Sinking Ship: "What Seperates Us All", "The Patty Hearst Syndrome", "Melatonin", "This Sinking Ship", "Little Bohemia", "I'll Be Gone", "Shine".

I love this band, and their new album is phenomenal. Score's for Smoke Or Fire.

thats a weak ass review of smoke or fire's set.

Was Phil there?

can someone post an actual set list from smoke or fire on this tour

derp. *vet and band

saw this in Toronto and this lineup was great because I love Fifth Hour Hero even if their set wasn't the best I've seen from them, Tim Barry had a rad set and he has the confident stage banter of a vat and Smoke or Fire has perhaps the most heart out of any abnd I've seen live and you can hear it in the songs. Nice review.