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Bloody Panda - Pheromone (Cover Artwork)

Bloody Panda

Bloody Panda: PheromonePheromone (2007)
Level Plane Records

Reviewer Rating: 1


Contributed by: greg0rbgreg0rb
(others by this writer | submit your own)

Forgive me Darnielle, for I have sinned. John Darnielle is one of my musical heroes, and it's no secret that I love the Mountain Goats. I also think he seems like an interesting and funny guy, so on occasion I will check out his blog (Last Plane to Jakarta), where his posts are usually music-rela.
Amazon


Forgive me Darnielle, for I have sinned.

John Darnielle is one of my musical heroes, and it's no secret that I love the Mountain Goats. I also think he seems like an interesting and funny guy, so on occasion I will check out his blog (Last Plane to Jakarta), where his posts are usually music-related, and in that case usually metal-related. A while back he had posted a list of his favorite albums to come out thus far in `07. Pheromone was among them. However‚?¶

I can't stand this album.

Okay, Darnielle is not my god, but I was excited to see this album in my review package purely because of his name-drop. Also, let me say I know little about metal, but that doesn't mean I dislike it. I enjoy a good brain-rattling head-banging session as much as the next guy. I find the name Bloody Panda hilarious, though I don't think they meant it as such -- but it's like a Dethklok song title. When they referred to singer Yoshiko Ohara as their ‚??vokillist' on their website, I chuckled. Live, all members save Ohara wear black hoods, much like Dethklok's minions. God, I love that show. But this band isn't joking‚?¶I don't think.

Every tempo here could be described as ‚??plodding,' the guitars as ‚??sludgy' and ‚??uninteresting,' the bass and keys as ‚??unnoticeable' and the vocals as ‚??howling spider monkey.' Ohara's voice sustains endlessly over the top of this mess, sounding like Siouxsie Sioux as a monk.

So the first track "Untitled" gets slightly more interesting after the three-minute mark when it actually gets quiet, and through the next couple minutes as it builds drummer Dan Weiss get to show off a bit. Ohara singing in Japanese doesn't really matter as I can't understand her on the next track either, which is howled in English. One of the dudes gargles something at the beginning, too; I have no idea what. This 10-minute track is appropriately titled "Coma" because it practically put me in one. Zing! "Fever" is only interesting for the last 30 seconds when they finally decide to give the song some rhythm and push the tempo. The last track (yes, it's a four-song full-length) is more of the same with its one-word-per-minute vocals, but the overlapping shrieks about 3¬Ĺ minutes in are particularly chilling. I guess that's a good thing in this case.

The only occasions that would warrant playing this album would be at a Halloween party or as the soundtrack to your homemade slasher flick. If ‚??horrifying' was the goal then perhaps this album is a success. If they were going for "you'll want to listen to this more than once" then mission failed. In Darnielle's original blog posting about them he basically calls it a challenging album and one that ‚??repays repeated listening.' I just can't do it.

Sorry John, gonna have to disagree on this one. He is right about Bowerbirds though. Go listen to them instead.

P.S. - Hail Satan!

 


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Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not respon sible for them in any way. Seriously.
greg0rb (November 6, 2010)

Hahaha I'm going back and reading comments on some of my old reviews because I'm procrastinating. This thread is funny. "This isn't really metal" still makes me laugh. And "You got me with that one tastemaker"? Because I gave Saves the Day a good score? Saves the Day were at their LEAST-HIP in 2007. Oh anyway, no one will ever see this comment but still. Funny shit.

punkgato (September 29, 2007)

You got me with that one tastemaker!

greg0rb (September 27, 2007)

That dude's opinion is totally more valid than mine. I stand by both scores.
-Greg

punkgato (September 27, 2007)

I would recommend this record for people who like sludgey doom metal with odd influences intermingled...it's a very good and different (in a good way) sounding record from a genre that can be very generic at times!

Do you really want the opinion of a reviewer who gave a Saves The Day record 4 stars??? Me either!

greg0rb (September 25, 2007)

Isn't really metal, Brian? Please do tell, what is this? It's gotta fall under some sub-sub-genre of metal, and it's certainly closer to metal than hardcore. Boy I must really not know much about metal that I can't even recognize the genre...

Also, are we only allowed to make one link in a review? You took out three of my links, most importantly bowerbirds.org. Go there now people. Sorry if the review was not to your likings everyone, but like I said, I like some metal but this sure ain't it.
-Greg

xote (September 25, 2007)

I love this album and like the band, but can see why the reviewer doesnt like this album. I think someone else should review this though.

inagreendase (September 25, 2007)

Either way, this isn't *really* metal.

elephantdwarf (September 25, 2007)

fair enough i suppose. but i think you guys should have specialties. someone that knows about metal, someone that knows about punk, pop punk, etc... knowing more about the general genre really makes a difference when reviewing an album in said genre.

GlassPipeMurder (September 25, 2007)

if you know little about metal, why would you think you'd be a proper fit to review a 'metal' record

staff reviewers don't pick the albums they're sent to be reviewed.

elephantdwarf (September 25, 2007)

if you know little about metal, why would you think you'd be a proper fit to review a 'metal' record. i haven't heard this yet, but i look forward to it. even having not heard it yet, i am pretty sure it deserves more than one star.

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