Brokencyde

Brokencyde: I'm Not a Fan, But the Kids Like It!I'm Not a Fan, But the Kids Like It! (2009)
Suburban Noize Records

Reviewer Rating: 0.5

User Rating:

Contributed by: skaboomskaboom
(others by this writer | submit your own)
Published on July 2nd 2010I hesitate to use the word "bad." Bad Religion's Into the Unknown was bad. The Clash's Cut the Crap was bad. Yet behind these misguided endeavors was a noble spirit, earnest musicianship, and at least moments of greatness (in "It's Only Over When..." and "This Is England," respectively). More on.

I hesitate to use the word "bad."

Bad Religion's Into the Unknown was bad. The Clash's Cut the Crap was bad. Yet behind these misguided endeavors was a noble spirit, earnest musicianship, and at least moments of greatness (in "It's Only Over When..." and "This Is England," respectively). More on this later.

Every once in a while, a band comes along that is so bad, so mind-numbingly appalling, such an artistically bankrupt abomination that you are literally embarrassed to be a part of the same species as the Neanderthalic fucking retards that produce this aural vomit. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: Brokencyde.

While Brokencyde's first significant release, BC13, flew under the radar mainly as a sleeper hit on MySpace, their debut full-length album, I'm Not a Fan, But the Kids Like It! has 17 tracks, guest appearances, and even charted at #86 on the Billboard 200 charts its debut week. Certainly, the band must have branched out a little, expanded their repertoire and gained some much needed maturity, right? I mean, obvious references to drugs, drinking and sex gets old after a five-song EP; they had to explore new ideas in the over one-hour running time of their new album, right?

Heh. Astoundingly, the band took the sole theme from their previous EP and managed to beat that dead horse even more. Did you like that one recycled crunk beat? Great, you're going to hear it 17 times in a row here! On this go-around, Brokencyde don't stick to just ripping off crunk beats--they've blown their lyrical wad and are now resorting to ripping off lyrics from legitimate hip-hop artists.

For example, one of the songs on this album, "Tipsy," details going to a club, drinking, and having sexual escapades. Sound familiar? That's because J-Kwon wrote the same song six years ago, even giving it the exact same title. Compare the choruses:

J-Kwon: "Everybody in the club getting tipsy"
Brokencyde: "We gonna get a little tipsy when we hit the club"

Granted, most of Brokencyde's fans were eight years old when J-Kwon's "Tipsy" came out, but this blatant disregard for artistic integrity is perhaps the most offensive thing about I'm Not a Fan. They don't even try to be real musicians. For fuck's sake, one of the members sole responsibility is to run a fog machine and strobe lights. When Bad Religion and the Clash released mediocre records, it was an attempt at creating something honest and legitimate. Brokencyde revels in stupid. They revel, as revealed in the album title, at being scorned by virtually everyone other than the most gullible teenagers.

For this reason, I hesitated before writing such a negative review of this album. I needn't provide any more masturbatory fodder for these guys to feed off of. Then I saw the music video for their song "Freaxxx," which appears on this album. In this video, which is linked below, a cute blonde girl smiles and bobs her head at the camera while two of the fucking slimeballs in this band hold her by the throat and scream "LIAR!" I was in disbelief, and realized that it is truly impossible to be too negative or too hard on this wretched group of people. Fuck this band. Hard.

The kids don't like it.

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Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not respon sible for them in any way. Seriously.

erik1122 (April 10, 2012)

brokencyde is boss;) im a fan, and the kids do like it.XD

Loomis (July 23, 2010)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsUK30YGUCI
You people ought to get a kick out of this.

mattminds (July 7, 2010)

fuck all of these kids and all of these bands and what they're doing to music.

faithisforfools (July 6, 2010)

Uh... how is the "user rating" on this actually up to a 1.3?

Get the fuck out of here!

regreteverything (July 5, 2010)

Up the crunx?

trolley (July 5, 2010)

I think the review code on this site should be updated to allow for 0-star reviews. Giving this 1/2 a star is generous.

LooseKanonYankee (July 5, 2010)

im sure they are sitting at home right now bobbing their heads to this album saying, "these beats are dope"

keithybobeefy (July 5, 2010)

Just the way they look makes me really dislike them.

Misanthropee (July 3, 2010)

It's still better than Aerosmith.

wyzo (July 3, 2010)

it takes a special band to make bands like guttermouth or the queers seem like poet laureates and their songs in comparison to bands like brokencyde seem like math-rock.

It's like a person who has never had sex taking out their rage at being pent up by writing endlessly about violent, constant sex because they don't actually know what they should be singing about it. This is what sex is like right? This is how we talk to our 'bitches', right? yeah, right.

Has anyone seen Peter Sellers in Being There? The movie where he grows up totally on TV then leaves for the real world and he only knows what he's learned from TV and he blends in with the power elite and shirley maclaine has a sweet and bizarre masterbation scene with sellers? Their like that character. It's like brokencyde is phonetically learning how to be extreme, does that make any sense?

Does anyone know if the band orange has ever been in the same room as brokencyde? maybe this is all one big prank.

The princess and the frog has more street cred than this band.

ShotMemory (July 3, 2010)

why is this on punknews?

louie_louie (July 3, 2010)

why is this reviewed here, in the first place?

dlangl4 (July 3, 2010)

There is an increase in the number of people who use the word "ironic" to describe things that aren't ironic, unless of course the word has grown to also describe "stupid and pointless but interesting to the idiotic."

joch_catastrophe (July 2, 2010)

a comment by a fan from the youtube video for freaxxx:

ROBOTNIK28
1 year ago
Me and my retarded friend listened to this in the library on our headphones during an essay typing type. This sixth grader was looking at me so I turned it up and pointed the headphones at her.

up the punx

misterspike (July 2, 2010)

The only reason for the word "punk" to be used in conjunction with any member of this band, or Brokencyde as a whole, is in the purest
jailhouse sense of the word.

zatransis (July 2, 2010)

@Zachleg BtMI

@the Review: I honestly didn't expect to ever see the Clash or Bad Religion mentioned in a Brokencyde review. Congrats on that accomplishment!

crackpotdemagogue (July 2, 2010)

I am certain this band is an elaborate prank. I mean, surely, they must be (?!).

And if it's really not a prank, and it's for real, then it's the absolute height of irony that they have ingeniously managed to combine everything that is shit and idiotic about music, fashion and popular culture into one coherent album of songs without doing so intentionally.

3Fast3Furious (July 2, 2010)

I've noticed that 14-year-olds nowadays are more ironic than I was at 14 some eight years ago. While young people have always done things to offend and shock their elders, I wonder if the people who listen to Brokencyde are oblivious to how terrible it is, or if they are well-aware of how unbearable Brokencyde is, but listen anyway specifically to elicit reactions like the one in this review. Are the middle-schoolers of America engaged in some Children of the Corn conspiracy to make bands like this famous?

smyd (July 2, 2010)

Eh... Insane Clown Posse eventually was due to not be the most hated and most terrible band in the world.
At least they take bumps. Brokenycyde would probably no sell Jake Roberts DDT.

Dylanxvx (July 2, 2010)

With any luck they'll die in a fire.

regreteverything (July 2, 2010)

This "bands" entire repertoire is a hate crime against the intelligent.

patod (July 2, 2010)

I hate my generation. Maybe I should save it amirite?

exitenglish1208 (July 2, 2010)

"I just feel like I should point out that criticizing these guys for writing about drinking, doing drugs, and having sex is more than a little hypocritical coming from a website that champions the likes of the Lawrence Arms, Off With Their Heads and other such midwestern beer-belly despair rock. Also, The Rolling Stones have basically an entire discography on the subject. It doesn't get old. Screeching and white boys trying to rap however, does get old."

at least the lawrence arms throw in a catcher in the rye reference here and there

allfornot (July 2, 2010)

I always take solace in the fact that no one will even remember these guys existed a couple years from now.

noah (July 2, 2010)

You act like J-Kwon was a groundbreaking and original artist to begin with

mattramone (July 2, 2010)

I would love nothing more than to snap this CD in half and stab the pointy ends into their eyeballs.

scientistrock (July 2, 2010)

I just feel like I should point out that criticizing these guys for writing about drinking, doing drugs, and having sex is more than a little hypocritical coming from a website that champions the likes of the Lawrence Arms, Off With Their Heads and other such midwestern beer-belly despair rock. Also, The Rolling Stones have basically an entire discography on the subject. It doesn't get old. Screeching and white boys trying to rap however, does get old.

preston (July 2, 2010)

So....are you saying I shouldn't pick this up?

Tudor (July 2, 2010)

Fucked up is not stoked.

noah (July 2, 2010)

Tell me, what's the point of writing a review like this for this website?

wearestillalive (July 2, 2010)

when i saw this band live i accidentally headbutted the main guy in the face and don't regret it.

hashbrowns (July 2, 2010)

ree ree! yeeoooow yeoooow!

loveshackbaby (July 2, 2010)

fuk teh h8rs 8(0k£^9yDe iz de besztest!11111

damnitsderek (July 2, 2010)

Pointless?

hashbrowns (July 2, 2010)

everyone who dont likes these bands is a boring adult and-

ah fuck it. these guys are going to wake up in ten years and realize that because they released this album, and it is now forever floating in the vast atmosphere of the internet, they will never get the opportunity to do anything remotely fulfilling with their lives. the government/respectable employers will not hire them, any self-respecting woman will not look at them and they may never realize that they spent arguably the best years of their adult lives looking and acting like they do. Enjoy it boys.

sloanedaley (July 2, 2010)

this record deserves DEATH.

ZachLeg (July 2, 2010)

this is the most DIY band as of right now.

hijacknoise (July 2, 2010)

WHY?! Why is this shit even able to be released? This record doesn't even warrant the half star it is given. It was those 14 year old scene girls that shop at Hot Topic that made this album #86 on the billboard charts. It has to be! Who else would enjoy this utter shit hole of a band?

RadToTheMax (July 2, 2010)

They're playing at Fest this year. Get stoked.

faithisforfools (July 2, 2010)

THIS is what is wrong with music today.

faithisforfools (July 2, 2010)

I unfortunately heard around 3 of this "bands" songs a few months back... some of the absolute worst shit ever... just... mind-fucking-boggling that people are writing this "music", labels are saying "yeah, let's get this out there", studios are actually giving a thumbs up to rent their space, and dipshit retards are buying the albums and going to their shows.

Fuck. People.

mikexdude (July 2, 2010)

I guess the offspring was right: the kids aren't alright.