Fairlanes

Welcome To Nowhere (2001)
Suburban Home Records

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Contributed by: Scott
(others by this writer | submit your own)
Published on May 13th 2001

People's standards of an "incredible" album have really gone downhill as of late. The Fairlanes have apparently been working hard at becoming Punk Rock America's new craze, as I keep turning up gleaming reviews of their latest CD, "Welcome To Nowhere," all across the internet. Phrases like "the best indie release of 2001," "catchy, melodic, and inspiring," and "phenomenal in both production and efforts by the band" can really build up a band for a fall. Did they? Most assuredly.

Kids, this is ridiculously generic pop-punk that tries to appeal to 2 different types of people at the same time. On one hand, they're taking aim at the Blink-182 fanbase with their whiny vocals [annoyingly so] and desperately-trying-to-be-catchy choruses, but then at the other end of the spectrum, they're shooting for the "emo" kids to fall in love with their almost predictable breakdowns, cliched guitar intros, and sappy melodies. This is like holding a double-edged sword for this reviewer to impale you with. How can anyone who actually listens to music consider this to be one of the best CDs of the year? Do only 14 year-old skatepunks who think Pennywise are gods publish zines now? Where will the madness stop? This is not even close to the best music of the year. This is not incredible, it is not phenomenal, it isn't great, it barely passes as mediocre. End of fucking review.

Somebody get me my gun.

[taken from A different kind of greatness webzine]

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Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not respon sible for them in any way. Seriously.

Anonymous (August 19, 2004)

Score is for the review. I couldnt last through 5 songs.

Anonymous (February 13, 2002)

um, you must appreciate shitty music. the old fairlanes crappola was just generic, shitty lyriced punk rock. fuck that boring shit. and fuck you

Anonymous (February 6, 2002)

sorry I got so into my "review" I forgot that it deserved a 1, and not a 10...my bad

Anonymous (February 6, 2002)

Yeah...the person below me is a piece of shit...the new cd fucking blows. Songs for Cruising is fucking awesome, and the Split with the Stinking Polecats is amazing (the fairlanes part of it anyway) But this shit? The only good song is the 11th song, which is also on the Split..fuck this cd. I've tried about 15 times to like it. I plan on never listening to it again.

Anonymous (January 9, 2002)

Scott, you are unbelievably full of shit. The Fairlanes are one of the best bands out right now. They sound nothing like Blink, nor do they "aim" their music at anyone, especially anywhere near emo kids. Every time a band has good lyrics are they aiming their music at someone? Give me a fucking break. I've met and seen these guys numerous times. They are fun loving guys that LOVE to make music. I have the luck of seeing them at my friend's house in a few days. Not at some huge or even small venue in my town, literally in this guy's basement. So keep your bullshit ideas in your obviously uneducated and full of air head. Listen to the album again, then rip into them like I'm sure you do your T.V. dinners nightly. You fucking wannabe critic.

Anonymous (June 13, 2001)

i just heard a song by them called 'middle of it all'. I'm not sure what album it's aon, but it's an awesome song. definitly have to check em out.- fathead

Anonymous (May 17, 2001)

i've never heard this band, but that was a really good review.- fathead

Anonymous (May 13, 2001)

I totally agree with your review. I've been a fan of the fairlanes for a long time and this album just sucked. Their first full length "Songs For Cruising" is a far better album.