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Shy Child

One With The Sun (2004)
Say Hey

Reviewer Rating:

Contributed by: Jesse
(others by this writer | submit your own)

Published on January 28th 2005

Shy Child is a drum/synth duo that's to be dancey and experimental. Instead, it comes off as repetitive and annoying. Weak production will kill a dancey record. So does repeating the same line and riff over and over again.

It reminds me of an amateur attempt at sounding like Q And Not U's Different Damage. Yep, loop loop loop. It's hard letting this record command my attention because it's so repetitive. Almost as repetitive as I'm being in this review by calling this record repetitive. Repetitive.

Now, if this record had a nice low end to it, and polished drums, or even real drums scratched and they went with a drum machine... Well, the songwriting is far too basic to save it, but at least it'd be something to grab your woman and grind to. Ughh. I can't help but just thinking of this band as something that comes out a high school or college. You know the type. They were the best around town, but town was mostly reject rednecks so competition was slack. So when they get out of town they make a record and think that they're great. And then they suck. But they don't realize it. So that's where I come in:

Dear Shy Child,

Now, I'm not going to be as mean as I normally am. Normally I would tell bad bands to stop playing. But I sense there to be maybe some sort of potential here. So here we go...

Get a new synthesizer. Casio plus dance music does not equal grooving. Get something with more bass. Step two: crank up the bass on the drums. Give your music some depth to it. Give it some full sounds. Don't get the guy who recorded Les Savvy Fav to record you, go dig up Timbaland or RZA. Have them help you with a drum machine as well. Let them write your songs, and call it a "collaboration." Step three: change your name. Shy Child? Shy children do not make me want to boogie down. Nope. Step four: pimp cup and bitchez. Fur coats. Bling. Ice. Why not?

So either make these changes, or face my wrath as a broke-ass dickwad webzine reviewer. Thank you for listening.

Sincerely,
Jesse

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Anonymous (February 8, 2005)

what kind of speakers are you listening to this album on??? it's full of low-end!!!
you're nuts. this album is awesome.

Anonymous (February 3, 2005)

dude,

you thought those drums were a drum machine? your ears are useless. casio sounds? have you any idea of what synthesis is or it's capabilities?

you're retarded.

Anonymous (February 3, 2005)

i think that keyboard in the picture is a Roland Midi controller, it connects to any synth so its impossible to tell what he's really playing. i don't think they're that cheap though?

Anonymous (February 3, 2005)

Jesse,

Why are you writing to yourself, Jesse, does writing to Jesse make Jesse's dick hard, hearing himself say his own name, Jesse, Jesse, Jesse.

I love myself. (Followed by grunting noises...)

Love,
Jesse

Jesse (February 3, 2005)

So, what do you think this is that he's playing right here?

http://shychild.com/main.html

Looks awfully like a cheap keyboard. Hunh.

Anonymous (February 2, 2005)

Dear Jesse,

I'm SOOO not this guy, but ya know, I just couldn't resist this time.
Jesus Jesse, could you have your head more up your ass?!!? I don't think so...but I suppose its possible as long it was shoved up there by "Timbaland" or "RZA".
Dude, you missed this record by a mile...and as if that wasen't bad enough
you just simply didn't do your homework before you "tore these dudes a new ass bro!" Q and Not U??? Dawg, one of the members of Shy Child PRODUCED their album...yes...produced THEIR album for THEM.
College band??? Shy Child is from fucking NYC!! They exist in literally the most active/critical/relevant music scene in the country.
Repeatitive? Loops? yes dude; it repeats its dance music...get it? but there isn't a single loop/fake synth anywhere on the album. Get it??? Oh, I get it, these guys can fucking play their instruments really well....wow...the drummer is really good...i get it..
and BTW, I couldn't imagine anyone using a more authentic-real deal handful of analog synth sounds, at all?!?! More bass? Don't judge every record on your "Dell Laptop's kick-ass speakers". Casio dude? jesus.....I'm sorry playing your fucking guitar or whatever the fuck instrument you played for like a year, didn't work out.
and I'm also sorry to everyone who reads this, that I even had to do it. Now i'm no better for "web ranting" then this kid, but hey, I thought maybe Jesse would like a review of his review. Turn of NoFX and get with the program compadre.

Sincerely,
"the asshole" who recorded Les Savy Fav.

pS- you spelled their name wrong dumbass.