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Left Behind

Who Wakes Up Like This? (2004)
Of Cabbages And Kings

Reviewer Rating:

Contributed by: Jesse
(others by this writer | submit your own)

Published on May 20th 2005

The opening riff of "Savages, Meet Man" has the worst Pearl Jam guitar riff rip-off, complimented by the most predictable moving bass line telltale of a teenage shit-band. Then there's the vocals, of which rely on the style of half growling/shouting/screamaing. You know, fluctuating between Cobain and Rise Against rip-offs. Then there's the metalcore intro to "Are We The Dining Dead?" that makes way for the honey-laced poppy vocal harmonies in the chorus. This is angry rebellion music, meaning: This is what fat girls who can't become cheerleaders listen to because they're social outcasts. You know, the ones in the rave pants with jelly bracelets that used to worship Nirvana and whatever alterna-rock band was preaching to their never-ending spiral of hate and despair, meaning: This is what you listen to when you're mad at your parents for not taking you to the mall so you can contribute to the corporate raping of counter-culture by buying a fuzzy steering wheel cover from Hot Topic. Ughh.

They cite their biggest references as Nirvana, Jawbreaker, Led Zeppelin, Pearl Jam, and the Beatles. Something's amiss. They listed five of the most influential bands respective to the genres they get classified in. Yet, I don't think I've ever heard Robert Plant howling "All my hope has been sold with providence." That doesn't even make sense...

prov·i·dence
n.

Care or preparation in advance; foresight.
Prudent management; economy.
The care, guardianship, and control exercised by a deity; divine direction: “Some sought the key to history in the working of divine providence” (William Ebenstein).*

Yeah buddy, big words don't mean you're deep. The Beatles sung about "yellow-matter custard dripping from a dead dog's eye" and being "the walrus," and I'm pretty sure John or Paul never said anything like, "All my dreams have eroded, I'm awake." Get the point?

I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm getting too fancy. I'll restate my position simply:

THIS BAND SUCKS.

* - Definition courtesy of http://www.dictionary.com

P.S. Aren't you proud of me for not making fun of the fact that this band shares their name with a Christian book series?

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Anonymous (May 25, 2005)

There's no time to change your mind, the Son has come and you've been left behind.

theundergroundscene (May 24, 2005)

"THIS BAND SUCKS."

hahaha that ruled

Marlon (May 23, 2005)

1. So is this God rock or what?

2. Let's lay off the fat girl jokes, alright? It doesn't matter who you are, high school sucked. It can only be worse for the overweight (over weight?). I'd rather have fat girls in the crowd who are sincerely into the music than skinny trendy girls who are there because they like surfer/skater guys. In the same sentiment, fashioncore can fuck off.

--Cos

Dude I love fashioncore chicks... sorry.

Anonymous (May 23, 2005)

I hate this website.

Anonymous (May 23, 2005)

horrible review

Cos (May 22, 2005)

Anonymous (May 20, 2005)

I liked the review.

To the person below, providence is a terrible word to use within that sentence, and just because you can come up with a reason why it could possibly work doesn't mean it's the right word. I think Jesse hit the nail on the head in saying the band simply wanted to sound sophisticated.

Anonymous (May 20, 2005)

So that your parents totally uncool steering wheel doesnt embares you when you get out of the car in front of the mall and everyone else sees it and its pleathery glow. Pink fuzz, now thats what gets the crew on your side.

-!GreenVandal!

bannedinct (May 20, 2005)

if you need your parents to drive you places, why would you need a steering wheel cover?

Anonymous (May 20, 2005)

Very funny review, especially the last bit. It's not that bad, I'd give it maybe a 4/10, though it's hard to point out exactly why. Maybe because they have a variety of influences so even if you don't like some aspects of the music (ok, so mostly the lyrics) there are other details that will be at least a little bit appealing.

Anonymous (May 20, 2005)

Score is for Homer's prediction of the appocolypse (and for Jesse's review).

Since94 (May 20, 2005)

You Douche!....You wrote out the frigging definition and still couldn't figure out the meaning of the word.
"All my hope has been sold with providence (preparation in advance, foresight)"

Why does that not make sense? Quit spending all your time on the internet and attend a class for heaven sakes.

JLo