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Tsar

Band-Girls-Money (2005)
TVT

Reviewer Rating:

Contributed by: Anchors
(others by this writer | submit your own)

Published on August 19th 2005

You cannot often tell much about a band, their ethics, or their music by something as trivial as the album title, especially not with so many bands opting to go the self-titled route. Every rule has its exceptions however, and on that note, consider Tsar and their album Band-Girls-Money to be tossed right into that exception category. Just by the band's sound and lyrics, it’s all too obvious that after the band part of the equation, girls and money are all that really matter. Notice that music doesn’t appear alongside those words in the way of importance? Well, does that ever carry over onto record.

Combining the most predictable, materialistic side of rock‘n’roll with a glam rock image, Tsar’s songs are full of big choruses, heavy distortion, and unnecessary guitar solos. This all feels so predictable. Song after song follows the same path and formula as the one before it. The band mixes up the instrumentation once in a while, opting for the bass to be the lead in rather than guitar, but as far as diversity, the music really isn’t any deeper than that. And the lyrics, oh boy.

There’s no lyrics to speak of in the liner notes, so the stupidity comes in bits and pieces. I don’t know if somewhere along the line the band made a conscious decision to spend about 3 minutes per song on lyrics, but that’s the impression they’re giving off; “He’s got the band (yeah!) He’s got the girls (yeah!) He’s got the money! (yeah!)" The rest of what’s to be found here is just as trite, and just as forgettable. That’s half of this album’s problem: It’s just forgettable. The guitar soloing is the only element that sticks out above their otherwise regurgitated formula, but even those start to sound identical after a few songs. It’s not necessarily the placement, but there’s little differentiation between any guitar work. During the verses, the chords are bland and repetitive, and the one and only jolt of energy comes from the sixth track, “Wrong,” which gives a healthy boot to the rest of this. Why is this the only track it seems like they cared on?

The rest of this album has absolutely no soul, which goes against everything rock‘n’roll was founded on. This is just a vapid, hollow piece of garbage. This is the kind of music that Mick Jagger and Roger Daltrey were fighting against.

Even Rasputin couldn’t save something this sick.

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lushj (August 25, 2005)

Pretty sub-par new glam rock. Some parts later Turbonegro, some if-the-Donnas-were-male, some "Bricks Are Heavy" L7, all without any schtick or humor. I think they may consider Bon Jovi and Cinderella bands that have at least a couple of good tunes bro. A little too limp to sell the rocknroll swagger Tsar needs.

Now if they all dressed like White Russians (either the economic class or the cocktail), they might be able to do it... A Czarist Upper Crust might work if they only toured Russian Studies classes and Marxist cadres.

Anonymous (August 20, 2005)

wow

you losers are really critical

vocalyouth (August 20, 2005)

attack of the show really does get worse and worse, for whatever reason, i still watch it too, but usually about 15 minutes through i go "why do i still watch this?" and change the channel.

G4 sold out.

stevejonestherealbones (August 20, 2005)

attack of the show keeps going down the crapper.

but i still watch it.

- jones the bones

- stevejones8770@yahoo.com

Anonymous (August 20, 2005)

They were on Attack of the Show.

Holy crap. Their singer looks like a horribly ugly mix of Mick Jagger and Billie Joe Armstrong.

Anonymous (August 20, 2005)

Retards can't even spell "STAR" right...