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You cannot often tell much about a band, their ethics, or their music by something as trivial as the album title, especially not with so many bands opting to go the self-titled route. Every rule has its exceptions however, and on that note, consider Tsar and their album Band-Girls-Money to be tossed right into that exception category. Just by the band's sound and lyrics, it’s all too obvious that after the band part of the equation, girls and money are all that really matter. Notice that music doesn’t appear alongside those words in the way of importance? Well, does that ever carry over onto record.

Combining the most predictable, materialistic side of rock‘n’roll with a glam rock image, Tsar’s songs are full of big choruses, heavy distortion, and unnecessary guitar solos. This all feels so predictable. Song after song follows the same path and formula as the one before it. The band mixes up the instrumentation once in a while, opting for the bass to be the lead in rather than guitar, but as far as diversity, the music really isn’t any deeper than that. And the lyrics, oh boy.

There’s no lyrics to speak of in the liner notes, so the stupidity comes in bits and pieces. I don’t know if somewhere along the line the band made a conscious decision to spend about 3 minutes per song on lyrics, but that’s the impression they’re giving off; “He’s got the band (yeah!) He’s got the girls (yeah!) He’s got the money! (yeah!)" The rest of what’s to be found here is just as trite, and just as forgettable. That’s half of this album’s problem: It’s just forgettable. The guitar soloing is the only element that sticks out above their otherwise regurgitated formula, but even those start to sound identical after a few songs. It’s not necessarily the placement, but there’s little differentiation between any guitar work. During the verses, the chords are bland and repetitive, and the one and only jolt of energy comes from the sixth track, “Wrong,” which gives a healthy boot to the rest of this. Why is this the only track it seems like they cared on?

The rest of this album has absolutely no soul, which goes against everything rock‘n’roll was founded on. This is just a vapid, hollow piece of garbage. This is the kind of music that Mick Jagger and Roger Daltrey were fighting against.

Even Rasputin couldn’t save something this sick.






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    Posted by lushj on 2005-08-25 03:27:49
    My Score:

    Pretty sub-par new glam rock. Some parts later Turbonegro, some if-the-Donnas-were-male, some "Bricks Are Heavy" L7, all without any schtick or humor. I think they may consider Bon Jovi and Cinderella bands that have at least a couple of good tunes bro. A little too limp to sell the rocknroll swagger Tsar needs.

    Now if they all dressed like White Russians (either the economic class or the cocktail), they might be able to do it... A Czarist Upper Crust might work if they only toured Russian Studies classes and Marxist cadres.

    Posted by Anonymous on Saturday, August 20, 2005 at 7:06 PM (EDT)
    My Score:

    wow

    you losers are really critical

    Posted by vocalyouth on 2005-08-20 16:02:40

    attack of the show really does get worse and worse, for whatever reason, i still watch it too, but usually about 15 minutes through i go "why do i still watch this?" and change the channel.

    G4 sold out.

    Posted by stevejonestherealbones on 2005-08-20 14:24:50

    attack of the show keeps going down the crapper.

    but i still watch it.

    - jones the bones

    - stevejones8770@yahoo.com

    Posted by Anonymous on Saturday, August 20, 2005 at 11:53 AM (EDT)

    They were on Attack of the Show.

    Holy crap. Their singer looks like a horribly ugly mix of Mick Jagger and Billie Joe Armstrong.

    Posted by Anonymous on Saturday, August 20, 2005 at 9:48 AM (EDT)

    Retards can't even spell "STAR" right...

    Posted by Anonymous on Friday, August 19, 2005 at 6:32 PM (EDT)

    lamest album cover ever...

    Posted by Anonymous on Friday, August 19, 2005 at 3:37 PM (EDT)

    the scum of the Earth, basically.

    Posted by stevejonestherealbones on 2005-08-19 14:27:20

    have you guys read the bio on this bands website?

    probably not, but if you ever want inspiration to go on a klilling spree, read it

    - jones the bones

    - stevejones8770@yahoo.com

    Posted by Anonymous on Friday, August 19, 2005 at 12:24 PM (EDT)

    There isn't a usual Anchors intro. I really do like those, but I think not having one works better for this review.

    Posted by vocalyouth on 2005-08-19 11:31:21
    My Score:

    TSAR = Turbonegro for Dummies.

    Posted by Anonymous on Friday, August 19, 2005 at 10:33 AM (EDT)

    Anchors, please review albums you hate more often. There's no quasi-intellectual introduction (or at least hardly any), you describe the sound succinctly and clearly convey your opinion. If you took this approach more often you wouldn't seem like such a blowhard and I might even read more than the first paragraph of your reviews.

    Posted by Anonymous on Friday, August 19, 2005 at 7:52 AM (EDT)

    Tsar's debut was GREAT. I loved that album. Very creative and original. I ever had the chance to see them live a few times w/Marvelous 3.

    I refuse to buy this one, however, because the single is just garbage.

    Posted by stevejonestherealbones on 2005-08-19 03:23:53

    you should have linked to this

    http://ginaandherheart.blogharbor.com/_photos/rasputin1.s ized.jpg

    - jones

    Posted by Anchors on 2005-08-19 02:37:44

    I saw a review for this in either Spin or Rolling Stone, and they fucking loved it. I normally don't care if you agree with me or not, but if you think there's any redeeming value in this band whatsoever, I hate you. Simple as that.

    Posted by stevejonestherealbones on 2005-08-19 02:35:04
    My Score:

    well speak of the devil. cellphonecommercialrock

    - jones the bones

    - stevejones8770@yahoo.com

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