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Street Dogs - State of Grace
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Consider this scenario: Simple Plan and the Used are brother and sister; twins if you’d prefer. For the sake of stereotyping, let’s say they’re brother and sister in rural Tennessee. At the ripe age of thirteen, while poppa Mest is drunkenly passed out on the couch, the twins begin to discover their sexuality -- with each other. Long story short, nine months later, we have the ugly diseased mongoloid bastard child, appropriately named…the Chemistry.

Yes, this shit is that fucking bad. The band’s self-titled debut is chock full of horrible vocals, riffs that have been rehashed a trillion times over, absolutely stupid and asinine lyrics, and what seems like seventeen hours of audio cancer. Shame on Razor & Tie for thinking that they could ever find a target audience for this that didn’t think that this music was awful! Ironically enough, this album is produced by none other than Kevin Cadogan, the dude that was kicked out of Third Eye Blind after they hit it big, probably because he sucked. He continues his reputation of suckage by producing the most polished, shiniest music ever put to disc; I expect nothing less from the organization that brings us Kidz Bop.

There’s really nothing left to say about this album. It’s terrible, clichéd music that should not be heard by anyone that is seriously looking for good new music. Those who want a good laugh should listen in right away, however. What I really want to know is who vocalist Danny Mitchell thinks he is with all this falsetto bullshit! Yes, as if his monotone voice could not sound bad enough, the dude constantly bursts into a falsetto that makes my ears bleed, especially when they are tracked over some painful screaming -- apparently someone locked the band in a room with their own music playing on repeat, har-har! From the lame-ass violin intro to “Jones” to the pathetic ballad “Hopeless” to the vomit-inducing piano-and-acoustic closer “Last Impression,” this album really, really sucks in all possible areas. To make matters worse, I’m also seriously running out of derogatory adjectives and phrases here.

To say this album is a disgrace to human beings everywhere would be an understatement. Shame on Danny Mitchell, Thomas Scriven, Tommy Hamilton, Jared Valencia, and Justin Shultz (who, mind you, also have "the look" down: Highlighted hair that flops over half the face, faux-hawks, sideburns, black clothing, tight pants, and even a fat dude who probably plays bass). Shame on Razor & Tie. Shame on Kevin Cadogan. Shame on everyone who finds this enjoyable, especially if this band finds some way to make it big. This shit is offensive.

Standout Tracks:
NONE, SUCKAS!

Click here to listen to "From Within" and "About You" (OMG WHAT HAPPENED TO THEIR FACES!!!)






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    Posted by GreenVandal on 2005-10-20 17:58:37

    These guys should go on a tour with the kidz bop kids. I would go see that. I wonder if they would do ritual sacrifices at that? I just cant see the kidz bop children singing smash mouth covers unless they were covered in the blood of a freshly sacrificed virgin. Perhaps the bass player for this band could fulfill that need (oh snap!)

    Im not funny at all.

    Posted by Anonymous on Thursday, October 20, 2005 at 12:17 AM (EDT)

    still not one fan of this band? has that ever happened? seems like usually someone will defend the crap

    Posted by Anchors on 2005-10-19 03:16:31

    The whole funny link thing didn't work so well here.

    Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 10:53 PM (EDT)
    My Score:

    HAHAAHAHAHAHAH score is for the review, that was fucking hilarious, man, thanks for making me go to sleep on a good note, a good note of laughing my fucking ass off!

    Although if you want humor, you don't have to listen to these shitty songs...just look at the guys in the picture, that one guys hair is like hairsprayed straight to his face, its fucking horrible and that can't be comfortable.

    Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 8:02 PM (EDT)
    My Score:

    Score is for the first Third Eye Blind album.

    Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 2:56 PM (EDT)

    usually theres one fan of the band somewhere. quick, someone email a copy of this review to the band

    Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 11:22 AM (EDT)

    How can this album be disappointing?

    Why would you be disappointed? That would mean you would have to have had high expectations for it, but were let down. What would make you think it would be anything but a shit sandwich?

    Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 10:46 AM (EDT)

    very disappointing album

    Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 10:36 AM (EDT)
    My Score:

    I laughed my ass off. Score's for the review - OC

    Posted by Godfather on 2005-10-18 09:56:14
    My Score:

    score is for the review

    Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 7:45 AM (EDT)

    this is a terrible album, what a waste of time

    Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 1:57 AM (EDT)

    Oh my.

    Thanks.

    I was looking and I think that they stop alternating after a while on my computer because all I saw was Senses Fail and From Autumn to Ashes.

    I was not patient enough and jumped on someone who was, in fact, somewhat clever and funny. My mistake.

    Regardless The Chemistry is terrible. Is Biology any better? Their artwork looks like the last Piebald album.

    Posted by colin on 2005-10-18 01:54:20

    "see the ad for biology - making moves to your left?"

    What?

    just wait. it's the "from autumn to ashes / bled / biology" ad that vagrant is running. you'll notice it above the "face to face / tony hawk's american wasteland / sense fail" ad and below the "latterman" logo. it's an animated gif, so it's not always there, and you'll have to pay attention.

    or just click here: http://www.vagrant.com/vagrant/bands/bands.jsp?rec_num=34

    Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 1:49 AM (EDT)

    "see the ad for biology - making moves to your left?"

    What?

    Posted by stevejonestherealbones on 2005-10-18 01:45:14

    "What does biology sound like?

    It would be funny if you had been clever enough to mention a band that worked as a pun within the structure of your statement.

    But you weren't."

    ahahaha. but nothing is funnier than you just getting fucking MODED by colin right now

    - jones the bones

    - stevejones8770@yahoo.com

    Posted by fattony on 2005-10-18 01:45:06

    Haha, I think I enjoy reading negative reviews more than positive ones. Good times.

    Posted by colin on 2005-10-18 01:36:41

    It would be funny if you had been clever enough to mention a band that worked as a pun within the structure of your statement.

    But you weren't.

    see the ad for biology - making moves to your left?

    Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 1:25 AM (EDT)

    What does biology sound like?

    It would be funny if you had been clever enough to mention a band that worked as a pun within the structure of your statement.

    But you weren't.

    Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 12:36 AM (EDT)

    i like biology better than chemistry.

    get it?

    doesn't one of the dudes from minor threat work for this label?

    Posted by CherryColaRain on 2005-10-18 00:25:42
    My Score:

    I won't bother with this band. Fat dudes are always stereotyped as "The Bass-player". I'm a bass player and I must admit I have just a few Big Mac's under my belt but I'm not gonna step on you when I'm not lookin either.

    Posted by colin on 2005-10-18 00:21:25

    that "fat dude that probably plays bass" line is golden.

    and really. if a band produces generic music these days, they shouldn't be given the chance to have an eloquent review, because they don't produce equally good music. so fuck 'em.

    Posted by inagreendase on 2005-10-18 00:20:06
    My Score:

    Good Charlotte clones. This is/was beyond terrible.

    Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 12:09 AM (EDT)

    Why post reviews (funny as they may be) for such absolute crap when you have reviews for seminal albums from most groundbreaking asskicking artists making music in the scene today?

    By the way, to The Chemistry, nice soul patches... you should have left your faces wherever you put them.

    Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 12:06 AM (EDT)

    Ok, I get you hate this band, but you did a terrible job of actually analyzing the album. What a Shit ass Reiviewer

    Posted by colin on 2005-10-18 00:05:27

    well, i got a laugh out of that. haven't heard this but i won't bother.

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