Big D and the Kids Table - Salem Girls (Cover Artwork)

Big D and the Kids Table

Big D and the Kids Table: Salem GirlsSalem Girls (2005)
Springman Records

Reviewer Rating: 2

Contributed by: thirtysecondsthirtyseconds
(others by this writer | submit your own)

Halloween has brought us a lot of things. Toffee apples, Michael Myers, kids donning devil horns (apparently constituting "dressing up") coming to your door to beg for some sweets, some of the very finest Simpsons episodes, a huge abundance of pumpkin in the vegetable drawer (thus keeping you on pum.
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Halloween has brought us a lot of things. Toffee apples, Michael Myers, kids donning devil horns (apparently constituting "dressing up") coming to your door to beg for some sweets, some of the very finest Simpsons episodes, a huge abundance of pumpkin in the vegetable drawer (thus keeping you on pumpkin soup for the entire first week of Novermber) and this year...a limited edition EP from Big D and the Kids Table.

It's nice Big D decided to do this. Only very recently has How It Goes dropped out of regular rotation in my CD player, so the news of a few new tracks to keep me going was very welcome. I loved that album, and before hearing Salem Girls I believed Dave and Co. could do no wrong. Chalk that mistake up to wishful thinking, I suppose. What we have here are 4 tracks, with 3 bonuses. Of the 20 pieces that made up the How It Goes pie, not one was anything below thigh-slapping/groin-grabbingly delicious. Out of the 7 slices of Big D action we are presented with here, I believe not even a die-hard fan would ask for seconds. Allow me to explain.

The title track is the Halloween-themed number here, with a few voice parts throughout telling a tale of an accused witch on trial and also a choir section added in at various parts, the latter actually achieving some spookyness. It is beyond doubt that the band were going for the appropriate theme here, but by following that dark and eerie path, the words "fun" and "(decent) melody" are somewhere to be found in the bushes off track, bloodied, rotting and with axes in head. Not only that, the horn line amidst just sounds...a bit too festive. Not good. "She's Lovely" is the best track on here, but falls way short of the high standard set by the recent full-length, and like the whole EP, is way too chilled out. Track 3 provides the listener with an instrumental that sounds like it belongs on Final Fantasy 8, and the last of the foursome just drags. This is not a collection of songs you will be going nuts to, skanking the night away to or even finding hard to get out of your head for days on end.

To be blunt, the bonus tracks are totally unnecessary. We are presented with two more versions of "Salem Girls," an instrumental and a dub remix. Everyone knows these things rarely (if ever) even come close to matching the original, and in this case the original was not great to begin with. What's the point? Finally, there is a stripped down version of "She's Lovely" on there, too. Frankly, this is the scariest part of the EP, with Dave's vocals sending a rather large chill up my spine. They just don't sound right.

Maybe I'm missing something here. I hate being hard on a band that works so hard and deserves all the love they get, but when the songs are bad, there's no escaping the blatant disappointment. The novelty value is high, but the replay value is frighteningly low. After hearing this, I found myself playing How It Goes non-stop for a couple of days to remind myself just how great Big D really are. Here's to next time.


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Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not respon sible for them in any way. Seriously.
BigDAndTheKidsTableOi (October 8, 2007)

Oh and I forgot about Good Luck!:)

BigDAndTheKidsTableOi (October 8, 2007)

Good review, i completely agree. I love Big D but Salem Girls just didn't do it for me. Neither did Porch Life. But Big D is one of my favourite bands, regardless. Who says a band isn't allowed to mess around a bit with their music. As long as they had fun doing it i guess. How It Goes, Shot By Lammi, The Gypsy Hill EP and Strictly Rude make me haaaappy!

Anonymous (November 24, 2005)

u guys are wicked awsome !!!!!!! ur the best band!!

stevejonestherealbones (November 12, 2005)

avi, i emailed you from a gmail account (or i emailed info@springman) so, yeah, get back to me through that when you have a chance

- jones the bones

- stevejones8770@yahoo.com

avi (November 10, 2005)

Jones The Bones -- it should have been there by now! Like a while ago.. A few got sent back to the Cupertino office, I'll call in to see if one of them was yours.

stevejonestherealbones (November 9, 2005)

i still dont have mine.... soon?

- jones the bones

- stevejones8770@yahoo.com

- anyone get Feast for Crows on tuesday?

skaboom (November 7, 2005)

Ok, got it in the mail today. All is well.

Anonymous (November 7, 2005)

Dad, you killed the zombie Flanders!

He was a zombie?

thirtyseconds (November 6, 2005)

"I don't get it.. All the advertising for this lists it as being a dub record, why buy it if you already know you don't like dub?"

I like dub...

AlmostPunkEnough (November 6, 2005)

Will just stole Carltons girlfriend, OH SHIT!!1

why the fuck is there a Fresh Prince marathon on, i wanna see Full House goddamnit.

and i haven't gotten my copy of this in the mail yet either, though i think one of the other things i got was on backorder.

Anonymous (November 6, 2005)


i'm right there with ya. i recently moved so thought it was that reason...mail forwarding and all

- jones the bones

- stevejones8770@yahoo.com

skaboom (November 5, 2005)

Did anyone else preorder this and not receive it yet? It might just be shitty school mail service, but I expected I would have it by now.

GreenVandal (November 5, 2005)

well...I havent heard it but the cover art sure does look badass.

Anonymous (November 5, 2005)

I don't get it.. All the advertising for this lists it as being a dub record, why buy it if you already know you don't like dub?

Anonymous (November 5, 2005)

to the guy below, i think the next big d album is going to be completely in this style and aptly titled strictly dub

Anonymous (November 5, 2005)

Wow, this is a very controversial release. People seem to love it or hate it. I think it has some brilliant moments, especially in She's Lovely, Baby Don't Cry, and the dub remix of Salem Girls. I think they're on to something here, they should do more stuff like this (in addition to the ska/punk). Pretty damn good for a first release in this style. But hey, judge for yourself, no one can seem to agree on it...

iheartadam (November 5, 2005)

Scott the music critic swings and misses yet again. Seriously though, Girls Against Drunk Bitches, You Lost, You're Crazy....My Girlfriend is on Drugs?? Jesus christ these are bad songs for ANY band, not just them.

Shot By Lammi was amazing. Especially the shows in that time frame. Oh but wait...I'm not judging on the "musical quality" or "songwritership" or whatever the fuck people overly critique (ruin) music with, so maybe Scooter's right.


Fuzzy (November 5, 2005)

I think that How It Goes definitely has some amazing moments in songwriting and musicianship, but there are definitely songs from Good Luck and Shot By Lammi and Gypsy Hill that I think are as good if not better. These would definitely include 51 Gardener, Find Out, Good Luck, TKS, GREAT SONG, In Front Of Me (Skarmageddon 3 version), Jeremy, LAX (this has been around since like 2001), Myself, The Difference.

I dunno, I guess sometimes it's hard to be objective, because I've been a D fan since Skarmageddon 3 came out and I heard In Front Of Me for the first time. It was amazing, and I've been rabid since then...

maverick (November 5, 2005)

Haven't heard this yet, but I am flabbergasted how anyone could listen to How It Goes and think the band's older albums are better. HIG is eons better in songwriting, musicianship, recording quality and general cohesiveness. One of the best albums of 2004.


Fuzzy (November 5, 2005)

This CD is amazing. It showcases D's horribly underrated and undermentioned side, that being their knowledge, appreciation, and skill with jamaica ska/reggae music. This is seriously good stuff, in parts I'd swear that this was from a dub studio, it fits right in with my Scientist and King Tubby records. This record is an 8 star for it's genre.

allison_le_gnome (November 4, 2005)

I liked this EP.

Guaranteed, I've only listened to it once, and that was while reading a magazine in the waiting room at my sister's orthodontist appointment.

Anonymous (November 4, 2005)

Salem Girls - meh
How it Goes - good
Good Luck and Gipsy Hill - makes me jizz myself.

darkstarm (November 4, 2005)

Is this the end of Zombie Shakespeare?

AlmostPunkEnough (November 4, 2005)

i've lost any and all respect i ever had for the Simpsons cause it just won't die, but the Sideshow Bob episode where they move to Cape Feare is great. just the rake gag alone makes it worth it. and when he's under the car and they take the shortcut though the cactus patch. bah, what do i know, i haven't even seen it for years.

housewrecker (November 4, 2005)

On average I enjoy the treehouse of horror episodes less, except they often have some cool physics-nerd jokes in them - higher dimensions, time travel, etc. I also don't enjoy Sideshow Bob episodes...too redundant of a plot to me. Commence the hate...

Anonymous (November 4, 2005)

Overrated, boring band. The Mad Caddies are so much better (and NO, I'm not kidding, CrookedSuperZero).


AlmostPunkEnough (November 4, 2005)

the toaster time machine might be the best few minutes of any Simpson episode, with the possible exception of "it's just a little airborne, it's still good, it's still good" "Smithers, i think i'll donate a million dollars to charity.... when pigs fly".

i actually really like this EP, it's very chill, cool to just relax to.


sickboi (November 4, 2005)

The Treehouse episodes are just so fucking weird, which is what makes them great. Kinda like the chili pepper episode, that shut was nuts.

But I left out a crucial Treehouse, the one where Homer goes into 3D world, fucking crazy shit.

stevejonestherealbones (November 4, 2005)

no way, i havent seen a recent treehouse episode, but the one where the toaster is a time machine is genius

and the one where homer goes on trial for his soul, genius

and the donut giant, semi genius

and so on...

basically, when the simpsons were in their prime, so were the treehouse episodes, and some of those treehouse episodes were the best simpsons episodes in general

so uh, i guess what i'm saying skaboooooooooooooooooooom

is that your opinion is false

- jones the bones

- stevejones8770@yahoo.com

stevejonestherealbones (November 4, 2005)

i was homeless. placed an order for this at my old address since i still pick up mail there and new it was kinda limited, then got a place to live and put in a mail forwarding thing...and havent seen this cd yet...maybe today?

- jones the bones

- stevejones8770@yahoo.com

skaboom (November 4, 2005)

You know how the average Simpsons episode spends the first 7 or so minutes linking together a strange sequence of events that leads to the main conflict of the story? The Halloween episodes do the same thing, but since they're approximately 7 1/2 minutes long, it seems like they spend all their time building exposition just to blow it all on one stupid gag. I should revise what I said, Treehouse of Horror isn't terrible, but its nothing compared to regular episodes.

sickboi (November 4, 2005)

How the in fuck can you not like the 'Treehouse of Horror' episodes?

-Homer selling his soul for a donut
-Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace

...shit I could go on, but I won't.

Flowbee (November 4, 2005)

I think "How It Goes" is a fucking masterpiece. I think I've listened to their older stuff maybe once or twice since I got "How It Goes" because it's just that good. "Good Luck" is a really fun album, but there's just something about "How It Goes" that I love so much. It's the perfect driving album.

Anyways, "Salem Girls" is a fun Halloween song but really that's about all it's good for. I agree that the remixes and whatnot seem pretty uncessesary.

Anonymous (November 4, 2005)

I have always tried to get into Big D, but I just couldn't get past their singer's awful vocals. Honestly, this is the best Big D stuff I have heard. "She's Lovely" is great song.

skaboom (November 4, 2005)

Also, as a big big Simpsons fan, those Treehouse of Horror episodes are TERRIBLE!!

skaboom (November 4, 2005)

I'm really bummed to hear this release isn't all that great. I figured it wouldn't be typical Big D, and would be more of a novelty thing like Porch Life, since it is a limited edition Halloween themed release. But whatever, I heard a couple of those songs on their myspace, so I knew what I was getting when I ordered it. Plus the limited edition-ness of it is always fun.

I have an undying love for Big D, but I like their ska-punk songs much better than their trad ska/dub songs.

localh (November 4, 2005)

Good Luck and Gypsy Hill beat the shit out of how it goes.....

ejaculine (November 4, 2005)

"I'm content with the 3 good albums I got out of them. I'd say this is like the Planet Smashers, it's just the Planet Smashers never made it to 3 good records themselves."

I'm sorry but you are retarded. Have not heard a bad Planet Smashers album yet. Some are better, some are not as good, but it's usually a whole lot better than 98% of what else comes out. I shudder to think what you consider good.

housewrecker (November 4, 2005)

The thing about Big D is they are creative motherfuckers who don't like to sit still. Even when touring, they're creating tons of stuff like the Little Bitch videos. They're great musicians and have all kinds of studio and engineer access (Steve and Lammi) so of course they're gonna do all kinds of stuff for fun (like this and porch life) and if you don't like it I'm sure they won't lose sleep over it - They're already working on something new...

thirtyseconds (November 4, 2005)

"wow a ska band releases a dub album and people dismiss it as a novelty. the only pathetic thing about this album are the people who whine about it."

This EP being limited edition and Halloween themed make it a novelty in my eyes. I'm open to something different, but I just didn't like this. Hopefully you can grasp that.

Anonymous (November 4, 2005)

wow a ska band releases a dub album and people dismiss it as a novelty. the only pathetic thing about this album are the people who whine about it.

Anonymous (November 4, 2005)

I thought How it Goes had maybe 4 good songs. Their worst yet.


Anonymous (November 4, 2005)

How It Goes was their best in my opinion. Not a single bad song.

I do think this was kind of a rip-off...

iheartadam (November 4, 2005)

No suprise here. How It Goes was their worst release to date. It really was pretty terrible, I'm still not sure where everybody gets the idea it was their best record.

I'm content with the 3 good albums I got out of them. I'd say this is like the Planet Smashers, it's just the Planet Smashers never made it to 3 good records themselves.

Anonymous (November 4, 2005)

I'm poor and couldn't afford anything cool...so I wore paste-on horns this year. Screw you hippie!

andrew13 (November 4, 2005)

you can't compare it to their other stuff really, since they're kinda just messing around... mine came today and i enjoy it... it's different, but they're a great band nomatter what they do really, and seing them last month was probally the best day of this semester so far... plus dave is a really nice guy... i give it an 8 just because it's nothing great, but it's still fun... it's someting different for them, like Porch Life was...

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