The Myriad

What's hotter than a Muse / the Killers / Franz Ferdinand rip-off by a bunch of old dudes on a WEA affiliate label from 2005?

Your mom. BALLS!

The only way to keep my head straight while I plow through this radio-ready crap is to offset it with cuts from Uriah Heep's Demons and Wizards, which is fitting since their press sheet says they have a lot of early `70s influences (so far nothing has even resembled "The Wizard" or "Traveller in Time," which offset "Stretched Over" and "When Fire Falls" by the Myriad). And while a bullshit piano intro to "10,000 X 10,000" keys itself up to break into some whiny slow-jam, "Easy Livin'" is blazing itself through my head with that heavy blues shuffle and organ. So far the score is Myriad 0, Heep 3.

Ooh, the Myriad's press sheet just committed strike two by revealing their spot at Cornerstone Festival. So what, are these guys like the Jessica Simpson of crappy dance rock? Strike three just came from the douche bag with the stroller in my record store asking me, "Who is this?" I should've responded with "YOUR NEW FAVORITE BAND, YUPPIE."

I've got a problem with bands that spurt up after trends rise and fall. The cool new sound of this year is just some recycled crap from twenty years ago. Joy Division / New Order has this shit covered, dude. And being on a new imprint of a major label isn't any different from being on a crappy major label. Face it. This genre was slaughtered way back when Gang of Four thought disco beats were sweet and we all decided that they weren't anymore. I bet these dudes wish they were Matchbox 20.

And while the Heep's "Circle of Hands" just finishes its drawn out witchcraft-inspired rock, the Myriad checks into "Perfect Obligation," a crappy dance-rock jam with tons of layered vocals and disco beat and "edgy" guitars. Fuuuuuuuuck that.

If you played these chump-monkeys next to Muse, I wouldn't be able to tell a difference. Generic hip music needs to die, and I'm about ready to kill it myself. Me and the Heep gotta go cleanse my pallette. I gotta spin me some "Easy Livin'" again.