Great food or GREATEST food?
If you answered the former then I have no reason to speak with you and suggest you stop reading this review.
IT’S A PIZZA PARTY!
Punknews.org alumni Scott Heisel deemed the Pizza EP from the quirky Nintendocore act HORSE the Band a fake. I thank the lords of 8-bit technology that he was wrong, because this pie fresh out of the oven is quite tasty!
At only five songs, this record feels like one of those personal pan pizzas that you used to get from Pizza Hut via the scholastic Book-It program. Most of us would prefer a large 12-cut pizza, but after reading ten consecutive volumes of R.L. Stine’s Goosebumps, any pizza will suffice.
The first cut into the ‘za is in typical HORSE the Band fashion -- synth keyboards standing out as the greasy and mouth watering cheese. Underneath is a sweet tomatoe-y sauce of brutal guitar play that drips on the edges of metalcore. Supporting the slice is an appetizing crunchy pummeling of the drum kit crust. The toppings are meaty, no room for wimpy vegetables as Nathan wails stronger than on previous servings -- although, I do taste a bit of crushed red peppers on the “Wooooo”s that liven up the wedge.
At my old job, CompUSA, every other Friday was payday and the managers bought the entire staff pizza. The majority of the twenty pizzas would be devoured between the opening and closing workforce, but there would always be at least one full pizza leftover. Did anyone bother to put it in the fridge? No. Nearing the end of my shift on a Saturday evening I would always dive into that last box, despite knowing how awful my stomach would feel on the drive home. “Werepizza” is that slice of the pie. The track is mundane, extensive, and very hard to swallow. Thankfully, HORSE the Band follow it up with one of the best songs they have produced to date -- “Pizza Nif” is their next significant live hit and an instant restaurant pleaser that can easily hold off “Cutsman” in an eating contest. The tune begins as if HORSE is giving Motion City Soundtrack a run for the money in synth-pop, but it quickly dives into a grinding break before burning the roof of your mouth with a contagious chorus.
When I was 10 years old only two things mattered to me -- pizza and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Thankfully, HORSE the Band is in the same Turtle-van as me and they deliver a worthwhile rendition of the classic theme song. The vocals are not in the typical vein of HtB, instead they’re a little nasally, but it works and well! It feels like Saturday morning all over again with this timeless track blaring from my speakers.
After spinning this EP a handful of times I am ready for a large greasy delicious Pizza full-length, or at least a Pizza compilation! I’m sure Hank Jones, the Aquabats, the Bouncing Souls, and you agree with me.