New Atlantic

Coming to a sappy teen drama near you! Just waiting for the CW to pick up their title track for an emotional theme song for a new hit show, New Atlantic have a knack for the polished hyper melodic guitar-driven rock music. Catchy? Poppy? Emotional? Layered? Check, check, check, check.

Eleven tracks of snoreable boring radio fodder and I can't seem to find anything nice to say. Nor can I tell the difference between any of these mid-tempo formula-based jingles. "Wire and Stone" has a half-assed dance beat and "Now That You're Gone" has an inventive theme (namely, one being there -- then gone -- thus proving worthy of a song). "What It's Like to Feel Small" explains nothing of my curiosity of the band's purported Lilliputian-ness. "Late Night Television" neither describes my love for Bravo reality TV competitions nor my passion for marathon runs of "I Love New York" on the VH1.

Are they hardworking? Probably. Will they get popular? Maybe. Their songs are well-written and they are adept musicians and performers. They hit the harmonies on the head and and arrange their songs intricately enough for a five-piece to retain interest, but I feel like this album could put me to sleep faster than the instrumental side of the Little Mermaid soundtrack that I used to listen to on tape every night when I went to bed (side note: Have you ever tried to listen to "Kiss the Girl" without lyrics? Now that will knock you out in seconds flat.). Confusing punctuation aside, these chumps know that they have to all wear coats for press shots and understand that going on tour with Cartel and Cobra Starship will no doubt gain them a fanbase of adoring 14-year-olds.

When it comes down to the wire, I have to listen to this album on quiet volume while writing this review so my co-workers don't get confused by the lack of NPR and the addition of shitty wuss rock. And I think that speaks to core of this review.