There's no way you could possibly take enough drugs to make this album good.

There's no way you could possibly take enough drugs to make this album tolerable

There's no way you could possibly take enough drugs to make this album.

…Unless your name is Joe Newman, and in 1987 you decided to throw together a chaotic spattering of spastic Casio melodies, schizophrenic children's vocals, and drum machine cadences under the guise of the Rudy Schwartz Project and call it Bowling for Applicances.

The only noteworthy effort to legitimize this sonic earfuck in its press material is that allegedly Jello Biafra is a fan. This isn't actually a huge surprise as it seems Jello isn't a hard sell as long as an artist is strange and doesn't follow some set of rules. The vaguely similar Casio-punk of the late, great Wesley Willis is an example of music that Biafra not only endorsed but released on his Alternative Tentacles label. But where Willis lacked the complex compositions of the Rudy Schwartz Project, he made up for in humor and a certain charm that came with his character. But Bowling for Appliances is neither funny nor charming, with annoying, pointless songs ranging from "A Sandwich for Adolph" to "Bob Eubanks Initial Ritual and Subsequent Cumbia." The only mildly entertaining track is the opener "Lynyrd Skynyrd Memorial Tractor Pull," but only because it has somewhat of a circus feel to it and seems like kind of a dig at Lynyrd Skynyrd.

There's really no point in listing off all the terrible songs on this pot of audio diarrhea or going into further detail about why it stinks so bad. The only thing you need to know is that it should be avoided at all costs.