Coyote Shivers

Gives It To Ya Twice (2004)

Jesse Raub

This is such a trainwreck, I don't even know where to start. How about I start with this: SINGING WITH A FORCED TWANG TO YOUR VOICE DOESN'T MAKE YOU A PART OF ROCK N' ROLL. Ughh.

This is a double disc release, intended I guess to guarantee mental anguish in case just sending one CD didn't do the trick. I guess he's releasing both CDs separately. I can tell you off the bat that neither is worth purchasing, and I haven't even heard the acoustic one yet. He even has the fucking GALL to rip-off Lou Reed by using the line "all the colored girls sang-do dodo do do dodo do." That's right. You can't write intelligible songs, so you cash in on the fame of rock n' roll stars. Stop ripping off the Ramones. Go home, and fulfill your secret jealousy of Kurt Cobain. Think I'm being harsh? Wrong again. I'm just referring to the distasteful line in the SAME damn song in which he rips off Lou Reed where he says, "I want to blow out the candle, I want to blow out my brain, I'm secretly jealous of Kurt Cobain." JUST DO IT. YOU DON'T NEED OUR PERMISSION. He talks about drugs a lot, but I bet he's scared to even down an Advil.

I only listened to three songs on that first disc. Here comes the acoustic one. Holy fucking shit. Remember that song "Sugarhigh" from Empire Records? You know, where Reneé "Lemon-face" Zellweger sings with that weirdo loser on top of the building? Yeah, I guess that was this dude. There's an acoustic version of the song on here. What a fucking tool.

My favorite part of this release was the "Legal Notice" sticker. I'll quote it for you: "This CD is property of Foodchain Records and must be returned upon demand. It is licensed for promotional use only and has not been sold. Any sale or transfer of this CD is prohibited without consent of Foodchain Records. Use or retention of this CD signifies acceptance of this license." So naturally, I peeled it off. Who the fuck puts that on a sticker? Oh, but I was foiled! When you peel the sticker off, it leaves a residue that says "VOID" all over where the sticker was. Too bad I effortlessly scraped it off with my thumbnail. You think if I say "This song was in Empire Records," that the record store will give me more money when I sell it?