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Say Anything's Max Bemis "Song Shop" re-opened

Contributed by XCARLUPANDDIEX. Posted by aubin on Friday, January 9, 2009 at 5:00 PM (EST)

Say Anything's Max Bemis has re-opened his controversial and more controversial "Song Shop" project. As originally set up, the "shop" allows fans to purchase custom-written songs via a merch store for $150.00.

Part of the controversy stemmed from some people's concerns about "for-hire" song-writing and the fact that the subject matter of songs was coming from paying customers rather than Max himself. Max himself responded to those accusations by arguing that detractors were simply "strange, slow and old."

Sony Music Entertainment (333 comments)

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Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not responsible for them in any way. Seriously.

el_matt (January 9, 2009)

Posting in an epic thread.

Possibly first? Must investigate further...

1+ Reply

GIVEMEnewWAVE (January 10, 2009)

You keep calling me Walter. I don't like you.

ahopeagainsthope (January 9, 2009)

Second?

reinventingkyle (January 9, 2009)

i cant wait to see the comments on this

but for real
ill write you guys songs for $75

2+ Replies

reinventingkyle (January 9, 2009)

fuck
you know what?
$50
3 for 1 bitches!!!

TheeValiantRA3 (January 9, 2009)

fuck that, i'll outsource the songwriting to china and only charge $10.00 per song. sure, your songs may end up as incomprehensible as brain failure's lyrics, but you can have a whole cd written for the price of one of bemis' songs. man, i love capitalism.

ConsumedByMusic (January 9, 2009)

you can get replicas of art pieces that way

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

Would he write a song about making out with Chris Conley, or does Two Tongues pretty much cover that territory?

5+ Replies

el_matt (January 9, 2009)

Two Tongues it to making out with Chris Conley what Say Anything is to holocaust denial.

Thank you, SAT's, for teaching me how to use analogies.

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

Haha, "anal loogies."

Don't forget that Max Bemis doesn't like black people.

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

"Don't forget that Bemis doesn't like black people."

"I could make you do things."

Slave-driving fuckwad. He probably helped the Bouncing Souls set up their DIY sweatshop...

friokir (January 9, 2009)

once you go black you're in a wheelchair.

Spazner (January 9, 2009)

I would pay $1 and attempt to recuit 149 like-minded individuals just to see this happen.

Spazner (January 9, 2009)

Sigh... "recruit" obviously.

TheeValiantRA3 (January 9, 2009)

actually he meant "recut", as in recircumcise

hate_the_scene (January 9, 2009)

THATS NOT A BAD IDEA ACTUALLY!

we could all pitch in a dollar and ask max to write a song about how we all think he sucks!

whatever the results i would probably laugh my ass off.

that way, its only a dollar and three minutes hilariousness

syr667 (January 10, 2009)

i'm in...

fuck it, i'm $5 in... but's that's only because i'm crazy loaded... i'd hope he calls it strange slow and old though...

seriously though, i think it would be amazing if we presented this guy with his required $150 and see what he has to say...

always
667

el_matt (January 9, 2009)

Have we even heard any of the previous songs?

Wentz_Equals_Death (January 9, 2009)

someone should get a song and then review it here

3+ Replies

kencollapse (January 9, 2009)

seconded

Pricey123 (January 9, 2009)

oh yes!

XberraXcudaX (January 9, 2009)

oh god yes! that would be the best thing ever

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

I'm going to undercut him by 90%, $15 for a song!

1+ Reply

MisFit4Me (January 9, 2009)

Search "herpes infested genitalia" on google and write a song about what you learn. I'll wire $15 to your offshore account (we all know how you richies handle the economy situation).

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

good use of "strawman"

1+ Reply

crayZsaaron (January 10, 2009)

Agreed.

ahopeagainsthope (January 9, 2009)

And now that I have proclaimed my entrance into this thread, here's my two cents on the issue at hand:

Takes the heart out of the music, while earning this scumfucker some poor, misguided fool's money. Oh well, at least us .orgers will enjoy making fun of this assrod.

2+ Replies

syr667 (January 10, 2009)

this is really just a cheap version of what jonah matranga was doing with his custom cds... he would do any song from any of his projects, any of his known covers, or covers you think would be cool to hear jonah do, and make a cd of them, for you, for a hefty sum...

i don't knwo if he's still doing it, but i think that while being as commercially ridiculous, it was at least honest in that these were songs he wrote, or already had a mind to cover...

always
667

ilovelamp (January 10, 2009)

actually, jonah charges about half as much for a song. i think the range was like $70-100 (he does that sliding scale, pay what you want thing). in addition, jonah writes good music, unlike this bemis douche.

Toxic_Toast (January 9, 2009)

Favorite bathroom stall graffiti???

I'll start..

Jesus saves...
but Gretzky scores on the rebound!

19+ Replies

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

"For a good time call mikexdude's mom."

Ravnos (January 9, 2009)

Does it have her number? I'm looking for a good time.

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

Call 1-900-MIXALOT

And kick them nasty thoughts.

Baby got back.

Schmurda (January 10, 2009)

"Yo Dawg i heard you like to piss so we put a toilet in your car so you can piss while you piss-xzibit"

el_matt (January 9, 2009)

In a men's bathroom in Borders (out of of all places)

"Laura was here"

And then, underneath in a smaller font

"What a whore!"

miniblindbandit (January 9, 2009)

Save Russian Jews, Collect Valuable Prizes

2Kings (January 9, 2009)

"the joke is in your hands"

TheeValiantRA3 (January 9, 2009)

at UCI(University of California, Irvine)I: "Fuck the Persian Pre-Med Assholes"

TrueBeliever (January 9, 2009)

As somebody who lives in Southern California and went to a high school where literally more than half of the people were Persian...I laughed.

nina_d (January 10, 2009)

i'm persian and you guys both suck

AnarchyPants (January 9, 2009)

With great power comes great responsibility.

spoon_of_grimbo (January 9, 2009)

Don't piss on the floor...

...Be a hero and shit on the ceiling.

damnitsderek (January 10, 2009)

Incredible.

skott_applecore (January 11, 2009)

Somebody managed to do that at my elementary school

the_other_scott (January 9, 2009)

http://www.theapiary.org/archives/2008/10/demetri_martin_1.html

Pacoco (January 10, 2009)

hahaha that's funny. i think i'll take part in this as well.

warmchords (January 10, 2009)

so many great ones...but the most recent one that made me chuckle was a detailed frawing of a sleeping cat. under it, in ink from a different pen someone wrote: lotsa time, poopin? haha

syr667 (January 10, 2009)

pooping is fun
and it feels good...

(at the last bar i worked at)

always
667

DuffB (January 10, 2009)

"I sell da weed, da crack coke and speed,
make bitches do dumb shit, I'm telling you da truth, legit,
run from the police, bust back, it don't faze me,
when he drop I take his glock, please pay me,
you crackhead mofucka, I take no change,
gimme bills, 5s, no way!
I need da 20s, 50s and 100s too,
Haha, I'm takin a poo", and then a drawing of a steaming pile.

Also, "if it feels good comin out, it probly feels good goin in!"

vaginalinferno (January 10, 2009)

unless...

HOISTDATRAG (January 11, 2009)

Someone drew a comic strip in some stall that was between a robot and a dog. and the robot just said "what is love?" then started crying.

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

Don't be so hard on Bemis for going DIY. He's just like the Bouncing Souls.

3+ Replies

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

Stoked for the iphone skin.

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

For $150, would Bemis send you a custom iPhone skin, made out of own skin?

Sell Anything.

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

I would Pay Anything.

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

"I'd give you anything."

- Third Eye Blind.

ConsumedByMusic (January 9, 2009)

Dramarama?

billnye (January 9, 2009)

what do the bouncing souls have to do with diy?

shrapnel (January 9, 2009)

I heard he wears these when he writes the songs:

http://www.coolest-gadgets.com/wp-content/uploads/handb ra.jpg

4+ Replies

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

that old lady is hella creepy

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

the girl on the bottom right is kinda cute. too bad she's a whore...

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

The Pot necklace really pulls that ensemble together.

shrapnel (January 9, 2009)

I bet Holy Balls would do her

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

blacks need not apply.

he doesn't like black people.

7+ Replies

el_matt (January 9, 2009)

There's a separate song work shop for black people, in which they have to pay more, the songs are even more half-assed than the original ones, and you can only listen to them in the presence of other black people.

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

"You say you're a shade in my face from my father's share crops
My people were slaves before yours invented hip-hop"

IT'S OKAY TO BE RACIST AND INSENSITIVE BECAUSE I'M JEWISH, OKAY GUYS?

el_matt (January 9, 2009)

Okay!

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

Remember when he covered ODB or whatever?

TotalBummer (January 9, 2009)

Are those real lyrics? I thought black people were slaves before they invented hip-hop too. Do I have my timelines messed up?

el_matt (January 9, 2009)

Those are real lyrics. I can't remember the name of the song though.

punk_sk (January 9, 2009)

died a jew

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

http://www.superpoop.com/121508/george-bush-doesnt-care-about-bl ack-people.jpg

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

Oh superpoop. How doth thou bring such lulz?

el_matt (January 9, 2009)

If someone pays him 150 bucks to write a song about how much child pornography, pirated movies, and MP3's he has in his computer, will he end up in jail? It might be a good investment.

1+ Reply

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

I would totally copy and paste some old police report about a child who was sexually abused, and then tack on the end (like that old corny radio show) ..."and that little boy grew up to be...Max Bemis."

TheMike (January 9, 2009)

Seriously, if he wants to do this, all the power to him. Call it exploitation if you want, but people who will go for this probably consider Say Anything their favourite band, or one of them. Honestly,I would pay that much to have Pete Townshend or Lemmy write a song about an issue of mine.

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

Someone should pay him $150 to sing a song about how Israel is now the Great Satan.

Thanks guys, really took the heat off of us.

With love, the USA.

1+ Reply

IAmJetBlack (January 9, 2009)

Yea, if we could just stop blatantly supporting them over there, we might drop out of the number two spot, too!

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Max_Bemis

It begins.

17+ Replies

el_matt (January 9, 2009)

How have you not been banned from Wikipedia yet?

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

Behind seven proxies, etc etc.

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

Matt if we go halfsies, would you be honestly willing to send him money to write a song about being a Holocaust denier?

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

Find three other people to go in on it and we'll talk.

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

I'm dead serious about this.

If you're gonna be a whore, you're gonna do what I tell you to do, and not look me in the eye afterwards.

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

I would love it if he wrote a song called Iran Ackbar.

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

check my edit.

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

Was "His favorite food is a simple concoction of murdered infants and hundreds of years of oppression of black people in this nation." you?

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

oh verily

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

I joined it.

Toxic_Toast (January 9, 2009)

He is a Holocaust denier and has in song stated that he does not care for black people. He also loves green eggs and ham with white, not chocolate, milk.

Toxic_Toast (January 9, 2009)

who did max penis? made me lol

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

I already got a message.

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

somehow, one of mine is staying up.

abracadaver (January 9, 2009)

Check my edit under instruments.

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

that is a classic for a reason.

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

I'm VERY proud of my addition to the "Two Tongues" section.

android (January 9, 2009)

hahaha....I love this shit.

clam_tears (January 9, 2009)

If you wanna get in this boys hole you gotta pay the troll toll...

IAmJetBlack (January 9, 2009)

He's a master of karate and friendship for everyone!

blanktapesemptybottles (January 9, 2009)

this isn't even anything anyone changed, but apparently he's only been alive since 2000

Ravnos (January 9, 2009)

I can't believe the line about him not being able to afford the troll toll is still in there. I guess he can't get into the boy's soul.

shrapnel (January 9, 2009)

I wonder if he would be willing to write a song about my sharted boxers

MyStereoHasMono (January 9, 2009)

I wonder how many yachts Bemis owns. Probably like, umpteen yachts.

2+ Replies

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

Get rid of the Seaword.

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

I sunk it! I blew it up and I sunk it!

MyStereoHasMono (January 9, 2009)

Man overboard!
Woman overboard!
She's wearin an evening gown!
Man overboard!
It's a hell of a day at sea, sir!

Banal242 (January 9, 2009)

This made my fucking Friday. Thank you.

pufferfish (January 9, 2009)

Max Bemis is a thug.

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

Let's get 150 people to pool $1 each and commission Bemis to write a song about Punknews.org

4+ Replies

el_matt (January 9, 2009)

If i weren't unemployed right now, I would totally be willing to donate more than that.

DarthNader (January 9, 2009)

goddamit, between when i clicked comment and when i finished typing, you posted.
great minds think alike

ConsumedByMusic (January 9, 2009)

i got five on it. someone legitimate set up a paypal account.

punk_sk (January 9, 2009)

i had that idea last week when someone brought it up on the boards

MyStereoHasMono (January 9, 2009)

Ol dudes mom is name Shifra. What is she, some sort of mystical forest creature?

2+ Replies

Babrook (January 9, 2009)

Mystical forest Jew.

MyStereoHasMono (January 9, 2009)

No wonder I had to pay the Troll Toll

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

Chris Conley is asleep, just the way you like him!

DarthNader (January 9, 2009)

we should all pitch it for him to write a song about how much he loves us.
and he'd have to do it

1+ Reply

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

150 people.

$1 each.

Dreams really do come true.

Babrook (January 9, 2009)

I'll pay him to write an epic ballad about those strange, old, and slow guys over at Punknews.org

MaxBemis (January 9, 2009)

i encourage everyone to . . . be a mcboner but to respond to the people curious about my reasons for doing this.

i remember being young and . . . spending HOURS AND HOURS a day sitting perched in front of my computer, ignoring the world . . . and i LOVE it.

Though i LOVE to tour and write albums, . . . i wanted to do something . . . that actually OFFENDS . . . punknews.org

supercalifraglisticexpialishmoshish

1+ Reply

shrapnel (January 9, 2009)

I encourage your mom

MilesQToast (January 9, 2009)

I find it hilarious that the comments on the original article begin with baldsteve saying "I don't understand the love for this guy. I don't get it at all."

2+ Replies

baldsteve (January 9, 2009)

I stand by my comment 100%

MilesQToast (January 9, 2009)

he meant what he said and he said what he meant
a baldsteve is faithful 100 percent

westofwaco (January 9, 2009)

Ad hominem...and ad nauseum.

1+ Reply

MilesQToast (January 9, 2009)

The Boss knew all about the so-called fallacy of the Argumentum ad hominem. "It may be a fallacy," he said, "but it is shore-God useful. If you use the right kind of argumentum you can always scare the hominem into a laundry bill he didn't expect."

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

I will buy a beer for whoever put the following on his wikipedia page:

"Bemis has stated several times of the course of his bands history (much to his publicists chagrin) that the diary of Anne Frank is a "great book to read on the dumper" and "serves up the epic lulz."

3+ Replies

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

That was me.

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

This is why I love you.

shrapnel (January 9, 2009)

that was beautiful

yaa (January 9, 2009)

he really should just take the $150 and put a cheap guitar in the mail for whoever wanted a song of their own

ahopeagainsthope (January 9, 2009)

"His favorite food is a simple concoction of murdered infants and hundreds of years of oppression of black people in this nation"

Glorious. This is why I love this website.

2+ Replies

Toxic_Toast (January 9, 2009)

My favorite is...

His favorite drink is "juice." Get it?

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

that is actually true

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

Curses! They already wise to our hijinx.

2+ Replies

shrapnel (January 9, 2009)

probably cause Bemis started crying about it

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

I wonder if he knows his Wikipedia page is the subject of internet terrorism and it's had to be locked hundreds of times.

shrapnel (January 9, 2009)

I wonder how many of his fans happen to look at his Wikipedia page while its been raped

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

"I had know idea Max once served as water boy in Vietnam...."

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

"Wait, what's the Holocaust again?"

el_matt (January 9, 2009)

"I thought he cared about black people..."

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

He reads the comments on this site, so he probably sits there clicking refresh on it every thirty minutes, so probably.

warmchords (January 10, 2009)

naw he only did that in his youth. now hes got more serious shit to do

miniblindbandit (January 9, 2009)

has anyone heard the songs the shop has produced?

are they cut -and-pasted madlibs style or is every one completely original?

if you share them does he hunt you down and cut out the part of your brain that remembers the song?

2+ Replies

shrapnel (January 9, 2009)

he does this: http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/D/DEATH_ROW_EYE?SITE=AP&SECT ION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2009-01-09-15-24-29

miniblindbandit (January 9, 2009)

yesss

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

"You have been blocked from editing for a period of 31 hours in accordance with Wikipedia's blocking policy for abuse of editing privileges. Once the block has expired, you are welcome to make constructive contributions. If you believe this block is unjustified, you may contest the block by adding the text {{unblock|your reason here}} below, but you should read our guide to appealing blocks first. Tan | 39 22:31, 9 January 2009 (UTC)"

1+ Reply

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

I checked the revision history discussion page for Bemis and it looks like someone posted his phone number on Wikipedia at some point.

Oh, how I wish, wish, wish it still existed...

badbrain (January 9, 2009)

I bet if 150 of us chipped in $1 we could get him to write a song about the strange, slow, and old people at Punknews.org

MyStereoHasMono (January 9, 2009)

"Bemis, Conley, and Linder have previously collaborated (IN BED) on a cover song of Bob Dylan's "The Man In Me""

I didn't realize how well this worked until after I did it. I'll miss you, me.

MyStereoHasMono (January 9, 2009)

"Bemis' mental issues continued. He moved back home to California and was cared for by his mother, Shifra (The Keeper of Secrets), until she forced him to move out because he could not afford the troll toll."

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

100th comment?

I started a new scumbag comic yesterday, for anyone who missed it:

http://setbacks.wordpress.com/

1+ Reply

IAmJetBlack (January 9, 2009)

Shameless plug exchange....click on my link for a new short story blog. The first series will be drinking tales. I'm gonna try to crank out a new one each week.

I wish I had $900.

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

http://www.absolutepunk.net/artists/showlink.php?l=2057

Time to fight the retards.

4+ Replies

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

Music mends broken hearts?

That's a truly moving sentiment...

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

Also:

TOUR DATES:
# Feb 21 Piere's, Address Fort Wayne, IN
# Feb 22 TBA Sydney, Australia
# Feb 27 House of Blues Atlantic City, NJ

What the hell kind of routing is that?

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

the kind of routing you can pay for when you pull in $150 for shitting out a song someone else came up with for you.

ConsumedByMusic (January 9, 2009)

that is physically impossible. when their show is on feb 21 in indiana, it's going to be the 22nd in aussie land.

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

Says they're going back to Australia on March 2nd, as well.

What a bunch of fuckbags.

MAX BEMIS DEFIES TIME AND SPACE.

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

Well, he is crazy. It could be one of his multiple personalities.

Bemis also has an acting career...could it be? Could he be a real life Terminator? It all makes sense now.

"...is a Real Boy" is to throw us all off. Before the ellipses, it could be "Terminator...is a Real Boy."

anarchyadam (January 11, 2009)

He's probably using the money he make in the song shop to buy a personal touring teleporter. They make those now.

LinoleumMagazine (January 9, 2009)

Best comment on their thread...

"Ah Bemis.
His words complete my life. I'd give almost anything for his lyrical talent."

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

http://www.absolutepunk.net/showthread.php?t=772272&page=1

Le t's start the machine.

And the person who wrote that better be twelve, because there's no other excuse for that kind of idiocy.

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

I just registered at absolute punk.

I need better flame material.

LinoleumMagazine (January 9, 2009)

I love all the kids that are so bummed that they don't have $150 to give to that assneck.
"Damn I want to do this, but I'm broke. It's killing me..." lol.

My kid would be getting the hardcore belt treatment (ala Goodfellas) if he just threw away $150 like that.

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

Also, what kind of 14 year old has $150 to just blow on some 80 second lame-o song?

Nameless (January 9, 2009)

A stupid one with stupid parents who said "okay!"

warmchords (January 10, 2009)

mom and dad, for christmas I want a song written by max bemis about how much I hate you guys. you coul take it out of my allowance!!

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

Bemis opened up a controversial custom song shop [1] [2]

When questioned about his reasoning for the controversial idea, Bemis was quoted as saying, "I would gladly pay you for a hamburger tomorrow for one today." and the cackled off into the night.

1+ Reply

ilovelamp (January 10, 2009)

that was the funniest thing i've read in a while. i am actually crying right now. somebody needs to make a compilation web page of these bits of trivia gold.

deadelectromix (January 9, 2009)

Off With Their Heads were fucking amazing last night, Ryan had to cut the set short a song because, "the fat guy in the band is tired."

4+ Replies

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

That's, like, everyone in the back who isn't Zack.

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

The last time they played here in New Orleans (Halloween 2006), their set was 4 songs long.

4 songs.

FOUR.

deadelectromix (January 9, 2009)

That's like, 3 minutes of music!

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

Well, they at least played "Your Child Is Dead" and "Die Today", so that's at least 6 minutes right there.

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

When I saw them, they just stopped halfway into "Die Today." It was awesome.

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

When questioned about his reasoning for the controversial idea, Bemis was quoted as saying, "I would gladly pay you for a hamburger tomorrow for one today." and then cackled off into the night.

MAD lulz.

1+ Reply

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

Twas me.

Cheesetits (January 9, 2009)

I love you motherfuckers.

shrapnel (January 9, 2009)

Bemis is infamously known for an incident where he was caught peeing on gorillas while screaming "I hate blacks" at the Central Park Zoo.

DarthNader (January 9, 2009)

from wikipedia:

Bemis is infamously known for an incident where he was caught peeing on gorillas while screaming "I hate blacks" at the Central Park Zoo.

He moved back home to California and was cared for by his mother, Shifra (The Keeper of Secrets), until she forced him to move out because he could not afford the troll toll

Bemis, Conley, and Linder have previously collaborated on a cover song of Bob Dylan's "The Man In Me" having completely misunderstood the song's metaphorical meaning, for the compilation album Paupers, Peasants, Princes & Kings: The Songs of Bob Dylan

high fives all around

4+ Replies

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

let's see who's edits are still up tomorrow!

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

Damn It! my "The man in me" edit is down. I thought it was subtle enough.

edgelife (January 9, 2009)

That Dylan part was pure gold, I'm putting it back in.
Also, do you think wikipedia ever notices that these booms of edits all happen at once? Will they ever realize it's because of these stories? Not likely. The rest of the internet will forever remain oblivious to our happenings.

shrapnel (January 9, 2009)

thats the beauty of it

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

Bemis's fiancee looks a bit deformed in this pic:

http://www.eisley.com/images/photos/sherri_stacy.jpg

I wonder how much he's going to charge her to sing at their wedding?

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

I wonder if 411 would have his telephone number...

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

"He noted that the album, which will be released in 2009, will ask "what the point of all of it was."[19] The answer: Money, lots of money."

miniblindbandit (January 9, 2009)

wow i just listened to couple of these song shop creations.

they are godawful.

el_matt (January 9, 2009)

Wait, did anyone click the link? It still has the message from last time

"We're sorry but Max can't write songs as fast as you are requesting them. As soon as he catches up we will start again. Thank you so much for believing in our crazy idea."

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

Bemis' mom Shifra Bemis is listed in the white pages:

http://www.whitepages.com/search/Replay?search_id=74091 390319683998431&lower=11&more_info=1&form_mode=opt_b

Who wants to write to the address listed?

7+ Replies

Skitzo (January 9, 2009)

way too far

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

I'll do it.

el_matt (January 9, 2009)

"How do you feel about your son having phone sex?"

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

Hahahaha. "I wouldn't let your son use the phone at your house if I were you."

deadXlast (January 9, 2009)

Go back to 4chan you maniac.

jacknife737 (January 10, 2009)

so i heard she likes mudkipz

JaredK (January 10, 2009)

We should send her a black male strip-o-gram and tape the performance and send it to Max.

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

Whoa, whoa, whoa....

"anamericangod's Avatar

anamericangod
Cadence Beats Down On The Tar
Posts: 15,026 | Joined: Jul 2004 | More 02:24 AM (01/02/09)
Online
I would do it again if he put a minimum time of around 3 minutes on the songs. I love the song I got, but mine (along with a lot of others) was pretty short."

Thats some bullshit right there.

7+ Replies

miniblindbandit (January 9, 2009)

did you read the lyrics to that dude's song?

http://www.absolutepunk.net/journal.php?do=showentry&e=5 1261

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

If I had to pay 150 dollars for something, and I got more than one goddamned whoa I'd fucking call the Better Business Bureau.

Nameless (January 9, 2009)

I have to say, I'm not a fan.

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

Oh wow it's like there was a fire sale on retardation and Max Bemis bought EVERYTHING!

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

OH MY GOD IT'S A FIRE!...sale

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

Annnnnnnnnd...scene.

miniblindbandit (January 9, 2009)

i'd put the link up to the sendspace site where you can hear another awful one but pn blocks it.

el_matt (January 9, 2009)

Use tinyurl

miniblindbandit (January 9, 2009)

http://tinyurl.com/9mgsne

shh dont tell aubin

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

Oh my god, this is worse than the attack on Gaza.

el_matt (January 9, 2009)

I lol'd

miniblindbandit (January 9, 2009)

this one is even worse. and shorter.

http://tinyurl.com/7zyvov

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

how did you get these?

miniblindbandit (January 9, 2009)

google skillz

el_matt (January 9, 2009)

Good god, what the fuck was that?

Nameless (January 9, 2009)

The sound of a dying, howling dog getting raped in a dark alley?

That was pretty bad.

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

man, why did i do this? It's like a shellac song if Steve Albini sucked.

averybadjoke (January 10, 2009)

Max premium downloads indeed

el_matt (January 9, 2009)

Holy shit, that's DevianArt-levels of bad

el_matt (January 9, 2009)

Holy shit, that's DevianArt-levels of bad

el_matt (January 9, 2009)

So bad, that it needed to be said twice.

miniblindbandit (January 9, 2009)

these seriously get more awful with each one i find.

http://www.vimeo.com/2351418

averybadjoke (January 9, 2009)

http://www.absolutepunk.net/showthread.php?t=772272&page=4

M attRamone
Registered User
Posts: 2 | Joined: Jan 2009 | More 03:42 PM (01/09/09)
Online
Hey, maybe if you ask really nicely, he'll write another song about how he hates black people!

6+ Replies

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

It's like these assholes just refuse to be trolled!

TheMike (January 9, 2009)

You know you're fucked when people on absolutepunk are more mature than you are.

averybadjoke (January 9, 2009)

foreverbleeds
Registered User
Posts: 1 | Joined: Jan 2009 | More 04:25 PM (01/09/09)
Online
coolest motherfucker since jesus?

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

I hope they bite.

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

Me too. People that listen to music this shitty have to be too dumb to know when they're being baited.

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

my bait ain't exactly subtle.

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

I can't believe that post hasn't elicited a single response yet.

These are dense people.

aircourtneys

I want one. I love you Max

just.Starla.

If only I had the money.

averybadjoke (January 9, 2009)

foreverbleeds
Registered User
Posts: 3 | Joined: Jan 2009 | More 04:29 PM (01/09/09)
Online
I heard he chose "The Man in me" for the Dylan tribute because he thought it was literal.

ConsumedByMusic (January 9, 2009)

bravo, maybe if old punkers spent more time nurturing (destroying the egos) of young fans we wouldn't have to deal with as much crap that they pup out.

blue_drink (January 9, 2009)

Someone post that Girls Don't Poop picture.

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

I can't believe my edit has stayed up for like an hour.

averybadjoke (January 9, 2009)

Never go full Bemis.

1+ Reply

vaginalinferno (January 10, 2009)

i liked this one.

also the troll toll reference made me lol

actually_OFFENDS_me (January 9, 2009)

Another thing that actually OFFENDS me, which is hard to to these days, are the people who are pissed that musicians make money. The strange, slow, old people on punknews.org and the few annoying stragglers on this website.

2+ Replies

averybadjoke (January 9, 2009)

always a classic.

edgelife (January 9, 2009)

I don't think it really fits here.

edgelife (January 9, 2009)

After viewing responses to this thread...
"What STILL ACTUALLY OFFENDS ME"

cronophrog (January 9, 2009)

Thread to brainstorm the best possible idea for a Bemis song. We will then set up a PayPal account for this.

My vote is the Little Albert Experiment.
The idea of Bemis writing a song about 'Where our fears come from....'
Too good.

http://www.betterluck tomorrow.com/character_sites/steve/Little%20Albert.htm

3+ Replies

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

I would submit a story about how I would write songs for hire because "I was a money grubbing Jew."

el_matt (January 9, 2009)

I would say make the song about Punknews

Or about how much he hates black people.

miniblindbandit (January 9, 2009)

a song about how he is a replicant.

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

AbsolutePunk.net

No one on that site seems to care that Max Bemis hates black people.

NO ONE.

2+ Replies

averybadjoke (January 9, 2009)

Max Bemis doesn't care about black people.

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

AbsolutePunk.net doesn't care about racism, apparently...

Dudley_Shale (January 9, 2009)

AbsolutePunk hates black people.

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

Black people hate absolute punk.

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

so do white people, and all other subdivisions of the group people. absolutepunk creatures are not quite human.

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

Do white people hate Max Bemis?

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

presumably

blanktapesemptybottles (January 9, 2009)

I'll write people songs for free, also I'll write Max Bemis fans a free song about how they can spend their week's pay in a better way

bolucce (January 9, 2009)

i said it once, i'll say it again.

if you find yourself considering contributing to this project, also consider this avenue for your $150:

go to a pawn shop.
buy an acoustic guitar.
sign up to take some lessons.

stop subscribing to the manipulation and exploitation of your lazy generation.

1+ Reply

abracadaver (January 9, 2009)

too many ations.

deadelectromix (January 9, 2009)

I started watching SLC Punk on Youtube and couldn't get past the second 10 minutes.
That's a shitty movie.

8+ Replies

android (January 9, 2009)

this.

dlangl4 (January 9, 2009)

I think it sucks too.

IAmJetBlack (January 9, 2009)

The only good part is when Devon Sawa runs through the sprinklers with hundreds of acid tabs in his pants pockets and gets completely fried.

demian (January 9, 2009)

agreed. my philosophy class raves about it as if it's da best movee ever though. it's so fucking stupid. the punk scene is way overexaggerated

deadXlast (January 9, 2009)

I hardly consider it an accurate representation of the punk scene, but I like it as a growing-up story. It's still depressing as fuck though.

TrueBeliever (January 9, 2009)

Exactly. I really like it, but I don't watch it as a "punk movie." The punk element is just in the background of it all for me, but like you said, it's a great growing-up story.

sugarfull (January 10, 2009)

NO!!!!

I actually thought it was a pretty decent movie.

disconnected (January 10, 2009)

Thats what happens when Hollywood try and make a flick about punks.

crackpotdemagogue (January 9, 2009)

yet again, i must express the following sentiment: what an asshole. We find ourselves currently in the midst of a global financial crisis, there is large scale war on almost every continent, and there are millions upon millions of people in industrialised nations and in the non-industrialised global south who are quite literally starving to death ... yet the almighty Max Bemis believes the best way a kid can spend $150 is to give it to him to write some futile narcissistic ballad - music for the sake of profit and profit alone. This guy, in this one brainless venture, manages to epitomize so much that is corrupt and wrong with contemporary society. fuck him.

Brett-NOLA (January 9, 2009)

My Bemis song was only 40 seconds long. What a fucking rip-off.

Ian McKaye only charges $5 for personalized 40-second songs...

2+ Replies

ConsumedByMusic (January 9, 2009)

I feel like Fat Mike could pull something of this off. It would be pretty fucking hilarious. tell him what you want to write about then he'll proceed to make fun of you in a song. That would be awesome.

warmchords (January 10, 2009)

ha ahaha I agree. I mean, if I didnt have any arms or legs, I think it would be cool if he wrote Nubs for me. a while ago there was a post asking what song you wish would have been written about you. I'd like to change my answer from Webin Fron to Nubs please and thank you

Phantom_Maggot (January 9, 2009)

Enemy You's unreleased Nitro debut is available on iTunes...stoked!

mcgregor107 (January 9, 2009)

Max Bemis = Closeted Jew = Anne Frank

Bemis = Frank?

3+ Replies

averybadjoke (January 9, 2009)

The only guy i ever loved
was born with semen in his eyes

IAmJetBlack (January 9, 2009)

Nah, she's dead from what I hear.

abracadaver (January 9, 2009)

No, but Bemis = Phone

shrapnel (January 9, 2009)

since when is this guy good enough to even sell his own songs?

2+ Replies

TheMike (January 9, 2009)

...Is a Real Boy is a solid album.

JFK421 (January 9, 2009)

Bwhahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

TheMike (January 9, 2009)

I'm serious. Also, a lot of people here seemed to love it until Max said mean things about us.

shrapnel (January 9, 2009)

I am not one of those people, which is why I made that post in the first place

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

wussemorock is no longer among us.

nwtgryan (January 9, 2009)

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=G17QIVBX

Or is it an old one?

1+ Reply

joemomma420666 (January 9, 2009)

I clicked on this thinking for some reason it was one of those personalized max bemis songs and i dont know wtf it is.

JFK421 (January 9, 2009)

Anybody going to Punk Rock Bowling next weekend?

JFK421 (January 9, 2009)

Navel Gazing isn't for a couple days people....

abracadaver (January 9, 2009)

Where should I start with American Football?

6+ Replies

JFK421 (January 9, 2009)

Opening kickoff

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

The Ravens.

JFK421 (January 9, 2009)

They're going to come out of nowhere and win it all.

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

And then my city will explode with joy. And explosive.

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

and stabbings

MattRamone (January 9, 2009)

Dude, I was at a bar when they won the first playoff game and I thought a fight was going to break out.

scientistrock (January 9, 2009)

I was surrounded by drunken pats fans during the superbowl. I was happier than hell, but they threw stuff.

abracadaver (January 9, 2009)

I think it proves I spend too much time on here that I anticipated the above responses. Seriously, though, I was referring to the band.

JFK421 (January 9, 2009)

Seriously though, I never heard of 'em.

deadXlast (January 9, 2009)

The first album, fuck me for not remembering the name off the top of my head, but yeah, the first.

And I know the guitarist has a dickload of side projects, but my personal favorite is Ghosts and Vodka, they're really creative and fun.

joemomma420666 (January 9, 2009)

Max bemis 150 dollars blowing chris conley exclusively hot water music

shrapnel (January 9, 2009)

Lil Wayne and Max Bemis should do some music together, it seems like they would make a good pair, oh wait....Bemis doesn't like black people

2+ Replies

averybadjoke (January 9, 2009)

http://www.absolutepunk.net/showthread.php?t=788532&page=5

averybadjoke (January 9, 2009)

no wait http://www.spin.com/articles/lil-wayne-record-rock-album

shrapnel (January 9, 2009)

I might have to kill him

Bryne (January 9, 2009)

Anchors has already given it four stars.

rebeccaa (January 9, 2009)

i can't believe i'm so late to this

JawbreakerSucks (January 9, 2009)

$75 from you, $75 from me.

A song about being bipolar, and having an argument with yourself about whether or not Jawbreaker sucks.

Deal?

The olive branch gets extended ONCE. Only ONCE.

2+ Replies

warmchords (January 10, 2009)

if someone paid you enough, would you write a song about how great jawbreaker is, and how you love them? and how blake got you through the tough times? what kind of $$$ would it take

JawbreakerSucks (January 10, 2009)

Everyone has a price--a lesson I learned from Blake, actually.

Send me an email and we'll talk.

Jawbreakersucks@gmail.com

warmchords (January 10, 2009)

This is weird, does anyone else just think about things randomly? Today when I was putting on my shoes, long before this was posted I randomly thought about the difference between a song writer and "actual" writer. This whole bemis song shop just stinks of wrong to me, and I was trying to figure out why. Writers will sell their words and thoughts to newspapers and news publications on demand, and are paid by the word or what have you. Even poets and non-journal writers want to sell books, and that's not considered selling out. So why is the idea of someone tailor making a song for someone so weird and wrong to me? I'm not quite sure. Because I'd equate a lot of my favorite songwriters and their lyrics to poets and poetry. (max bemis not included. sorry sir. maybe wow I can get sexual too is the exception lol)

1+ Reply

Dakotacore (January 10, 2009)

Because a novelist or poet doesn't ask his or her fans for ideas and then charge them for using their own ideas. Pretty simple.

eazyd2 (January 10, 2009)

grow the fuck up, punknews.org

1+ Reply

MattRamone (January 10, 2009)

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/4177RRDWMHL._SL500_AA240_. jpg

SydBarrett420 (January 10, 2009)

I wonder what song that homo tate will have him write this time? Something about having a baby dick I suppose...

joemomma420666 (January 10, 2009)

um, i dont know why max bemis hates black people. i want to know. help.

4+ Replies

MattRamone (January 10, 2009)

Google say anything lyrics died a jew.

Brett-NOLA (January 10, 2009)

For Max Bemis fans who may be too high to use Google (which probably includes most of them):

You say you hate the shade of my face from my father's share crops
My people were slaves before yours invented hip-hop
Apologize but I'm in on the joke
Another brother to scoff at the dancing patterns of white folk

I think I'm fine the way I am
(And yes I chase my milk with ham)
I think I'm fine the way I am
Jesus died a jew
Pupils painted blue
You haters know it's true
Jesus died a jew

You say you hate the breadth of my nose for my daddy's ear locks
Shunned before you pieced it and sold it and called it punk rock
Apologize for the murder of god
Like Judas the traitor we are both favored and deeply flawed

I think I'm fine the way I am
(Although we broke our p

show rest of comment

jacknife737 (January 10, 2009)

no one can really understand racism, all we know, is that bemis is a racist, self-hating jew, who wishes nothing but harm upon the innocent children of the world.

SydBarrett420 (January 10, 2009)

Does Bemis not undertsnad that Jews are not a race of people?? Last I checked a black person can't stop being black.

damnitsderek (January 10, 2009)

I'm quite upset that I wasn't here for the peak of this thread.

2+ Replies

el_matt (January 10, 2009)

I hate it when that happens.

AnarchyPants (January 10, 2009)

Let's start a new peak, right here, right now!

Heu Max Bemis, where did you get those songs? The Toilet Store?

Apeman_On_The_Moon (January 10, 2009)

Those lyrics are a pretty weak arguement for "Bemis hates black people!". I think he just REALLY likes exploiting his judaism.

vaginalinferno (January 11, 2009)

you guys don't have to pay him to write a song about punknews, i'm sure he's already gonna do it. i didn't care for in defense of the genre, but i'll admit to enjoying at least half of ...is a real boy. i'm not too opposed to his song shop either. if people are willing to pay it, it don't bother me. power to him, any publicity is good publicity, yous are just helpin him out

also, for your consideration:
mattramone= 'Haha, "anal loogies."' (strange)
shrapnel - 'since when is this guy good enough to even sell his own songs?' (slow)
baldsteve "I don't understand the love for this guy. I don't get it at all."' (old)

3+ Replies

TheMike (January 11, 2009)

For a while there, I thought I was going to be the only one to have held this opinion on the .org. Say anything has a large, dedicated fan base, and consequently, the song shop and its price tag do two things: 1)Filter out the frivolous requests so that real fans of the band get the opportunity, and 2)Bring the band (or just Max) closer to the fans. Call it exploitation if you want, but those fans seem to have no problem paying $150 to have their favourite artist write a song about them. If it makes them, and Max, happy, then that's fine by me. I, for one, will not be participating, but I still think this is a good idea.

shrapnel (January 11, 2009)

thanks for the call out
I would argue and say that the people that buy into this shit are SLOW. write your own songs! what kind of pride is that? paying someone else to write your songs is pointless, if you have to pay someone else to write your songs, then why are you even making music in the first place?

TheMike (January 11, 2009)

You're missing the point. It's not just about the song. These are people who really look up to Max Bemis as their favourite songwriter. It's the idea of a song written for you by some you idolize, and not "gee, I can't seem to write a hook for this, let someone else do it for me". Like I said somewhere else, if the option were available, I might consider something like this if, say, Pete Townshend had a song shop. And I consider myself a good songwriter. But there is something to be said about hearing a song that speaks your mind when it is written by someone else. It's someone else speaking to you instead of just ranting on your own.

TheMike (January 11, 2009)

In simpler terms, it is a powerful thing when someone you really look up to can put into words something you're feeling. Despite the price tag, it obviously makes Say Anything fans really happy, and if an artist wants to bring himself closer to his fan base, then I support it.

shrapnel (January 11, 2009)

I see what you're saying, but as you already know, I don't like max bemis at all and I don't think he is a talented songwriter whatsoever, so I think it is a ridiculous idea that people would put their money into something like this, and I can't imagine that bemis is writing these songs with his whole heart, and from what it sounds like there's a pretty good chance that he's putting in a lot of effort and time into writing them, because he obviously has his own songs to write for his own band

if it was a different, more-talented artist that was doing this, then I might think differently

TheMike (January 11, 2009)

I can respect this opinion. But just keep in mind that his style does appeal to a lot of people. Like other styles of music, such as punk, for instance, his writing is a bit of an acquired taste. I don't think it's right to insult projects because one just doesn't get his music. Like I said, I really like ...Is a Real boy, and I think he has a talent for clever arrangements and a good hook. The baseball album was pretty decent as well. But it's obviously not going to appeal to everyone, you know?

From what I've heard, these obviously aren't his best songs... I'm getting a Robert Pollard (Guided by Voices) vibe from them, which makes a lot of sense (that man has to be the most prolific songwriter in history). But everyone who has participated seems to be pleased, so that's what counts to me.

shrapnel (January 11, 2009)

Yeah, but don't you agree that there probably is a large amount of Say Anything fans that have yet to discover where actual great music and songwriting is? I'm sure there are a lot of Say Anything fans that are ignorant to the real punk influences, and also ignorant to great modern day songwriting, I mean, all you have to do is take a look at absolutepunk.net in the Bemis threads and you can tell that a lot of his fans are oblivious to where real songwriting and music is

TheMike (January 11, 2009)

In many cases, I agree. Although, I was turned onto a ...Is a real boy by my old roommate, who knew a lot more about music, and had listened to a lot more punk than I had. He is by no means ignorant to great songwriting, and is also a huge fan of such bands as Hot Water Music, etc. I haven't spoken to him in a while, though, so I don't know how he feels about the song shop, but I imagine he would be supportive.

shrapnel (January 11, 2009)

Sure, there's exceptions, but I'm just talking about the majority of people, and that's what my main point is aimed towards - the people who are "brainwashed" by "emo/pop", and that's all they know... are the ones who are most likely buying into this
and I was also defending myself towards the original poster of this for saying I'm slow

TheMike (January 11, 2009)

Point taken.

vaginalinferno (January 11, 2009)

"paying someone else to write your songs is pointless, if you have to pay someone else to write your songs, then why are you even making music in the first place?"

this is why you're slow. these kids are giving him a couple paragraphs- he's writing the songs. the kids aren't writing the songs- and there's alot more to songwriting. he has to create rhythm, melody, meter, arrangement, choose notes, choose keys. i think it's obvious that the people who're pissed about this are mostly people who consider themselves songwriters. bemis is a songwriter, and (as for the original post) he has proved that people are willing to pay to hear/see him. he's at least half decent at it by acquiring this much buzz through is a real boy. the people who are spending the money to get a song written are people who probably can't write their own songs- i'm willing to bet it's m

show rest of comment

Blackjaw_x (January 11, 2009)

The Swellers did this for free, and those songs turned out really good... and they actually... happened. Has Maxy-poo actually done one of these songs yet?

1+ Reply

TheMike (January 11, 2009)

I heard that he's done about 100 or so. He's finished the first batch, as far as I can tell. The price tag here is filtering out the more frivolous requests, because with a band with as big a following as Say Anything, you're going to get a shitload of requests. This leaves only the most devoted fans of the band making requests, which, might I add, brings them closer to the band.

Anyone who can appreciate Guided by Voices can probably enjoy these songs. He has to write a lot, so they're obviously not going to be as developed as proper album songs, but they're not just three chords with the same melody over and over.

RossHostage (January 12, 2009)

God is love...
Love is blind...
Ray Charles is blind...
God is Ray Charles?

Green Room wall of 3 Kings Tavern in Denver, CO

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