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DERRICK (Reunion Show): Can I be Tyler?
NICK (Northstar): Oh god…
D: Okay! I’M TYLER!
N: Might as well be…
(Tyler was passed out, sick, and in the Northstar van…and Derrick was noticeably down for a laugh, so here we gooooo…)
EMILY: Alright, introduce yourself, position in the band, and your biggest vice.
N: Biggest what?
SHAWN: As in….?
E: As in, guilty pleasure…that sort of thing.
N: Oh! Alright… My name is Nick. I play guitar and sing for the band, Northstar; and my guilty pleasure is… (Long pause)
E: You got to be honest.
N: Caffeine?! I don’t know!
N: What? Fine, okay…I don’t have a guilty pleasure.
S: My name is Shawn, I play bass, and I like to drink beer.
D: Straight up, nicely said.
E: (Looks around to both non-fake members of Northstar and motioning to Derrick) Should I put it on him?
(Both Shawn and Nick shrug their shoulders and laugh.)
D: (Quite enthusiastically) I’m Tyler, I play guitar, I have a big drinking problem, and I love girls. (Looks around, quite pleased with what he just stated.)
N: Oh yeah! Can I change mine to girls? Caffeine and girls…there we go.
S: Yeah, same thing for me, too.
E: Look what you did, Derrick.
D: I’M TYLER!
E: Right…So, Nick… How has the tour been for you guys, so far? Being able to hit up places you’ve never been before, what has the reaction been like?
N: It’s been amazing. This is our first time playing here, and there are like, kids singing along to all the songs, and that’s really awesome.
E: I was singing along.
N: Yeah! I know, you were sitting up front, that’s awesome.
(Meanwhile, Derrick starts messing with Shawn, who is obviously freezing his ass off…I think we all were. This recording makes me sound really giddy and I think I can hear my teeth chattering, rock!)
D: (Mockingly, to Nick) Yeah…yeah…
N: (To Derrick) Yeah…yeah…I mean all these bands have just been so amazing: Taking Back Sunday, The Starting Line, Reunion Show… All of them are awesome guys; it’s a blast to tour with them… (nodding in the direction Derrick, who is bouncing up and down in one place)…obviously.
D: I would have to say the same.
S: I would say the same thing, but the shows just get better and better. It’s a whole lot better than what we’re used to playing.
N: Hell yeah, it is.
E: Does it feel weird being interviewed? Y’all are relatively new to this stuff, I would imagine.
N: Not really “weird”, I mean, this is only our second interview…
E: ALRIIIIIGHT! I feel special!
S: I think it’s kind of weird. We don’t think we’re cool enough for interviews.
(For some reason, Nick and Derrick start laughing…I still have no clue why, and that bothers me. Damn you guys.)
E: (Thinking…) I didn’t have any questions formally written up, I’m just making all this up and I feel retarded. (Oh, that sounded professional.) Okay, favorite place to play, and why?
N: Favorite place to play…Well, so far, I guess it’s been a mix of playing at home, because everybody knows us; and I’d say Long Island. Long Island has always been really good to us.
D: Helllllll yeeeeeaaaahhhh…
E: (To Shawn, who is still freezing his ass off…that’s what he gets for wearing a t-shirt in 40-degree weather.) What about you?
S: Actually, I’ve only been in the band about six months, so…
N: Yeah, he’s pretty new at this. (Laughs)
S: I love playing at home, though.
(Around this time, the door guy for Mary Janes walked by us. I swear…he looks JUST LIKE JESUS. Do I know what Jesus looks like? You bet I do…you bet I do…)
N: (Laughing) …And that is the door guy.
E: Craziest tour story? Ready, go.
N: We get kind of crazy, sometimes; but we’re really not that crazy…the crazy ones are in the other bands. (Looks DIRECTLY at Derrick, who is mindlessly starting into space.)
E: What about that first tour y’all did with Taking Back Sunday?
N: Oh yeah, you’re right. We had just gotten done from doing a tour with the All-American Rejects, and had this HUGE like…ROCKSTAR party at this hotel. There were like, 60 people in the hotel pool at like, three in the morning; and the pool was supposed to close at 12.
D: And we were all drinking.
N: (Sarcastically) Yeah, because he was there… (Laughs) Umm…yeah, we were all drinking pretty heavily, and lots of people started getting naked…It was awesome.
E: (to Derrick) Got anything to add to that tour story?
D: Nope. He described it perfectly.
E: Oh! Wasn’t Double J on that tour with Taking Back Sunday, as well?
E: Spill the dirt on Double J, Nick. Come on…he’s a good friend of mine. I want dirt.
N: (Laughs) There is no dirt on Double J! He’s so awesome, though. He designed some shirts for us…
D: THAT GUY IS THE BEST and you can print it just like that. THE BEST.
E: Okay…what’s one thing you want your fans to know about you that they might not know, already?
(No responses, only blank stares. This interview was going nowhere fast…or maybe our brains were freezing in our skulls, eh.)
N: Say something to the fans of our band?
E: (Ignoring Nick, but addressing Shawn) You have got to be freezing, child.
S: A little bit. (Laughs)
E: Oh, yeah. Say something to the fans, Nick.
N: I can only think to say “thank you.” I mean, we’ve had people that have supported us for a few years, let us sleep on their floors, cooked us food, it’s just been great. Our fans are amazing.
E: What do you think about Triple Crown?
E: That’s it?
N: Awesome. Fred has a lot of really good bands on that label, and that’s what’s so awesome. Good bands are awesome.
E: What would your dream tour be like? Like, if you could get any bands to go on the road with you, together or not…who and why?
N: (Almost immediately) The Police.
N: Just because they’re my fucking favorite band, ever. Let’s see here…The Foo Fighters. Dave Grohl is just awesome.
E: Do you have the new record?
N: No, I don’t have it yet, how is it?
E: Soooooo gooooooood. Not as good as “Nothing Left To Lose”, but definitely amazing.
N: Yeah, that’s what I’ve heard.
D: (Randomly) I’m cold.
S: Me too.
E: Derrick kind of died there towards the end.
D: (Enthusiastically) I’M TYLER!
N: Yeah, he is…and Tyler kind of died in the van.
E: Random question time…What did you eat when you woke up, this morning? S and
N: Taco Bell.
E: What time did you go to sleep this morning?
N: (Quite bluntly) Well, the hotel we stayed in last night had free porno…
D: Like you haven’t stayed in a hotel room that didn’t have free porno.
N: Well, usually we don’t, thank you. Actually, it was nice…wait. (Laughs harder) NEVERMIND! I’m just going to shut up.
S: You know, we were just flipping through the channels and then…
D: (nods head) Free porno.
E: (Trying to change the subject as quickly as possible) Soooo…what do you think about Texas?
N: (Laughs) Well, at first when we crossed the border, it was like, ‘WHOOOOA! Are we in Kansas, or something?”
E: I have a feeling I should wrap this up before it turns into a Texas-bashing fest.
N: Okay, I’ll finish this by saying: Listen to Motion City Soundtrack…they’re awesome, we just got off a tour with them –
E: They sound like Weezer.
N: A little bit.
E: I don’t like Weezer. (Laughs) Sorry, go ahead.
N: And listen to My Chemical Romance.
S: Can I say something?
E: Go ahead.
S: If anyone wants to buy us a trailer…feel free. We’ll love you forever.
E: Oh, really? When are you guys touring again?
N: January…with Glasseater.
E: Okay, ummmm… (searching for something else to ask)
N: (Laughs) Is this your first interview?
E: (Almost offended, but laughs anyway) NO! It’s not…thank you very much. I just can’t think of anything good to ask you guys.
S: And I’m sorry our answers suck, I’m really cold.
(Coincidentally, Gabe, the band’s drummer comes walking up just about this time…)
D: Hey, look. It’s the drummer.
N: Yeah, don’t talk to him, he’s just the drummer.
GABE: Just the drummer, huh?
S: And you can tell Emily doesn’t remember your name by the face she’s making…
E: Noooo! Actually, yessss… (laughs) Okay, give me some dirt on Nick, the worst thing you can think of.
G: Well, this one time he killed a hooker.
N: Oh yeah! Forgot about that one…
G: I mean, saved a hooker.
D: Yeah, saved the shit…ehh…I’m not funny.
(Everyone laughs harder)
G: Actually, I don’t think I have any dirt on Nick, he’s a good guy.
E: (To Gabe) Yeah, well…you missed the interview, man.
G: Yeah, well…I was hanging out with… (pauses)…chicks.
E: Don’t lie. I know where you were.
G: (Hangs his head in shame) Alright, I was sitting behind the merch table.
S: Now he’s telling the truth.
G: Seriously, I’m just the drummer. Nobody knows who I am. Me and Mark (drummer from Taking Back Sunday) are going to make t-shirts that say, “I’m in the band, too.”
E: That sounds a little desperate.
G: Yes, well…it is. But I need some lovin’, too.
E: Don’t look at me, that’s why you’ve got these three guys in the band with you.
D: Because I’m Tyler. (Laughs)