Well kids, here it is. The interview you have all been waiting for! Today, at 11 PM, I welcomed a very special guest into my computer room. The guest was Thrice's newest album, The Artist In The Ambulance. He showed up decked out in some very impressive packaging. Not to sound shallow or anything, but the cardboard case with the interchangeable pictures, and the production commentary is really cool. You could fall in love with this album without even hearing it! But anyways, enough vanity, and back to the point at hand. Me and my guest (who I, from now on, will refer to as Art) shared a good 45 minutes talking about the goings on in his life over the past year or two. I made sure to record, and transcribe, the whole thing for your reading enjoyment. Now here's the interview, I hope you enjoy it!
ME: Hello, please state your name and what you do.
ART: Hi, I am the Artist In The Ambulance, and my job is to rock you to your very core.
ME: Well put. Anyways, let's start with the interview, shall we?
ART: Bring it.
ME: Okay, now I have heard alot of rumors that you are a bit more watered down then your brother.
ART: Watered down? What do you mean?
ME: Well, there's been talk of you being written to cater to a radio audience. And also that your lead guitar parts are much more simple then your older brother's.
ART: Oh...that stuff. Well it can't be denied that I am not the same beast as my brother. My song structures were obviously written with function over technique in mind. But that's not to say that I am simple! There are still many odd time signatures and complicated structures. And there are times, like during "Blood Clots and Black Holes", that I am just as crazy as my bro. And on the guitar issue...the riffing has been toned down...but in its place I have more tasteful playing, and some more experimental tunings and effects.
ME: Experimental? Could you give me some examples?
ART: Sure....let's see, we have "Stare at the Sun"'s spacy riffing. The tuning used on "The Abolition of Man". And also some more odd guitar sounds on "The Artist in the Ambulance".
ME: Ahhhh.....I see. I really like that riff on "Stare at the Sun".
ART: Thanks...my guitar guy is really great, he always comes through for me.
ME: Well except on "All That's Left".
ART: Hey now. That was meant to be a very straightforward song. I heard a lot of complaints about my brother's structure, so that's what you kids got. I don't really mind it. Its not like it's that bad of a song.
ME: Yeah it ain't bad...just a little simple, but it reminds me of your oldest brother, Mr. Identity Crisis.
ART: You still remember that geezer? hahaha. Yeah, some poeple prefer that sound...but whatever. That's just one song, it doesn't represent me as a whole.
ME: Yeah, I would say some better representation for you would be "Silhouette", "Hoods on Peregrine", "Blood Clots and Black Holes" and "The Abolition of Man". Man I love "The Abolition of Man".
ART: Ahhhh, so you favor my harder stuff eh? Yeah. I wont deny that I'm at my peaks when I'm just wailing away. But that's not to say my softer songs are bad. I mean, "The Artist in the Ambulance" is one of my best songs.
ME: Yeah but there are some rather cliched moments. I dont mean to be rude, but it's true.
ART: Well no one's perfect...but I guess you could say I lack at some points.
ME: But hey, it's okay, your boy Teppei usually just riffs ya out of the tight spots a couple of minutes later. I mean, even your weakest moments are undeniably strong. And your vocals are good. The lyrics are also very good most of the time. It just felt like there could have been more....
ART: Well I thought the string arrangements could have helped that.
ME: Nah...they only really work in "The Melting Point of Wax", the rest of it sounds fake...like its all synthetic keyboard shit.
ART: Well that's odd....it was all real instruments. Oh well, thats a issue that you will have to blame on production.
ME: Well it's still bearable...speaking of your mix, I like it. What do you think about it?
ART: Well I'm running low on time now...so I'll get straight to the point and say, I am nice and clear without being overly clean. A few moments do suffer from overproduction, but in general I sound great.
ME: Ummm, running out of time, well in closing I would just like to say, I think you were very much worth the wait. As a whole, you are a very good album. Heavy, melodic, intelligent...
ART: Don't forget how seamlessly I combine both metal and softer riffs together in my songs. You don't even see that shit coming half the time.
ME: Very true. You did your older brothers proud. But your bag of tricks is starting to run low. Your little brother better start really messing with the formula or your family could be in trouble. And I would tone down the vocal harmonies too.
ART: I'll keep that in mind. Well you know, I'm only about 45 minutes long, so it's time to go. See ya later!
And that was my evening with the Artist In The Ambulance. He is a overall incredibly solid album that I can pretty much recomend to anyone. He won't convert any fans, but he won't lose any either. Well, I'm gonna go have some more quality time with Art, so until next time, goodnight!
(If right now, at this moment, you still do not understand the points that this review made, or the opinions expressed, then do not buy this album. It is quite obvious you dont understand things like, "attempting something different" "having a attention span" "understanding conversation" or "reading and decoding the english language". There are many more suitable albums out there for your taste, seeing as the lyrics to these songs alone would probably make you forget what your name is. they occasionaly use words as well. And sometimes these words form sentences and/or whole stories. For the rest, thank you for reading this.)