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Epitaph Records -- Millencolin

Eh, more like suck like an early 90s alterna-rock band. Throw in screaming vocals and uninteresting rhythms for a ten track bore-a-thon. Yeah. According to the press sheet, they have "whaling guitars." In my mind, I see Captain Ahab holding his trusty Gibson over his head, poised to harpoon the alabaster beast from the depths. This band also offers a "breath of interest." What the FUCK is that supposed to mean? Jesus ass-lancing Christ, have someone proofread your press sheet.

Supposedly, they're supposed to sound like No Knife, Failure, Nirvana, Fugazi, and Drive Like Jehu mixed together. That's a lot of name dropping, especially since they just sound like a cut-rate Nirvana with a scenester attitude. You know how these new "punk" bands and "punk" kids don't really have any idea about what punk is, yet they emulate the fashion of the clothing and music and think they have it together? These guys are doing the same thing with 90s alternarock and the aforementioned post-punk bands. They heard some CDs and said, "Ooh, I want to sound like that."

Basically, what you should do instead of buying this CD or listening to this band is to go buy CDs from all the bands that these guys name drop. Each one of those bands is respectfully different in style, who needs it all in one band? Especially a shitty one like this.

This probably would fit in well on your modern nü-metal radio station between Hoobastank and Slipknot.






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    Posted by Anonymous on Thursday, December 22, 2005 at 8:55 PM (EST)

    your fuckin stupid

    Posted by Anonymous on Saturday, October 30, 2004 at 11:11 AM (EDT)
    My Score:

    Jesse is obviously a douchebag. I'd be interested in how many, if any, probably none ever, decent bands Jesse has ever been in. I am willing to bet absolutely none. I have a pretty good feeling that all Jesse does is sit around and bitch instead of just enjoying. How sad that everything has to have a label. This isn't review it's a reflection of your limited intelligence and verbal aptitude.

    Posted by Anonymous on Monday, October 18, 2004 at 3:29 PM (EDT)
    My Score:

    I think you are full of shit. Hot Like (A) Robot kicks ass. Apparantly you know nothing about music. Maybe you should find a new job.

    Posted by Anonymous on Saturday, October 16, 2004 at 12:36 PM (EDT)
    My Score:

    some people in san diego call this band
    hot like (a) cum shot!

    Posted by Anonymous on Friday, October 15, 2004 at 9:03 PM (EDT)
    My Score:

    I didn't know your sister could read?

    Posted by Jesse on 2004-10-15 13:16:05
    My Score:

    Oops, my bad. THIS was the one that got me killer head. THAT one was some random shit that I wrote because I had stayed up for 40 hours straight.

    Posted by Jesse on 2004-10-15 12:56:21
    My Score:

    Nice job on the research, but I don't understand what my bad poetic abilities have to do with my reviewing of records. Plus, I took that link down like a month ago, so the fact that you still know where it is means that you've been working on doing this for awhile, or you like my page so much that you bookmarked it.

    On a side note, that sappy, shitty-ass poem got me some really good head a few days after writing it. It's all about context man, it's all about context.

    Posted by Anonymous on Friday, October 15, 2004 at 12:50 PM (EDT)
    My Score:

    score is for the rewier's poetry. how anyone who writes this sort of nonsense can pretend to be a critic is beyond me.

    "you can't
    pull yourself
    away from sappy romantic

    entertain the thoughts in my head
    of you
    in some starry night

    where we kiss
    for the first time

    and the trumpets will sound;
    for the glare will shine a halo
    around our smiles

    when we can drown ourselves
    in bad poetry
    and ice cream

    when this feels like home"

    Posted by Anonymous on Thursday, October 14, 2004 at 6:50 PM (EDT)
    My Score:

    I don't understand why people would say this band sucks. I went to their purevolume site to listen and i thought their stuff was pretty good. To me they sound better than most of the bands out right now. I'll listen to this before any shitty mall punk bands or all those crappy screamo bands. The Used, My Chemical Romance, Story of the Year, Taking Back Sunday all sound the same and sound more like nu metal than this band!

    Posted by Jesse on 2004-10-14 16:19:58
    My Score:

    The moern nü-metal station plays a lot of old alternarock bands like Nirvana and Pearl Jam as well. And a lot of bands that try to be Nirvana. So that's what that was about.

    The reason I became a staff writer was because there was an influx of super shitty bands and the staff couldn't keep up, and didn't want to review these shitty records. The first two reviews I did were passed on through 5 people until I said I would review them. If you don't like my angry rant reviews, then try reading my well thought out ones. Check the archive, anything with 5 stars or over is generally a well thought out review.

    Posted by Anonymous on Thursday, October 14, 2004 at 3:28 PM (EDT)
    My Score:

    And although this band isn't any good, they don't really sound like what you described at all. Not only that, but your two comparissons contradict each other. A cut-rate Nirvana, yet they would blend right in with modern nu-metal? I'm confused on how that works... especially since they sound like neither.

    Posted by Anonymous on Thursday, October 14, 2004 at 3:23 PM (EDT)
    My Score:

    I think it was a very poor decission on pn.org's part to make Jesse a staff writer. Just because he curses and occasionally strings together a chuckle worthy sentence does not make him a good writer. He does not walk the fine line between amusing and insightful... he just wastes our time with childish, South Park-eque wankery.

    Posted by darkstarm on 2004-10-14 10:53:55
    My Score:

    My best friend gave me a copy of this band's EP. Absolutely horrible, I'm ashamed to own it. I can't imagine how horrible a full length is.

    Horrible, horrible band.

    Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, October 13, 2004 at 4:59 PM (EDT)
    My Score:

    i don't know about their music but that is (a) terrible fucking band name

    Posted by 8dollarclarinetsolo on 2004-10-13 15:50:02
    My Score:

    yes

    Posted by CallingLondon on 2004-10-13 10:49:48
    My Score:

    well fuck, i'm 22. should i leave?

    Posted by Jesse on 2004-10-13 08:45:55
    My Score:

    Oh no! 19! I'm too young to know music! I'm too young to appreciate music! Somebody help me!

    Tell you the truth, 19 is pretty damn old for this website.

    Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, October 13, 2004 at 4:00 AM (EDT)
    My Score:

    Don't take this kid too serious. How old is he? I'd say..... 19.. Whats your band sound like?

    Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, October 13, 2004 at 2:40 AM (EDT)
    My Score:

    why are there parentheses around the A? that gets a 1.

    Posted by FortyMinutesWest on 2004-10-13 02:09:54
    My Score:

    " Yeah. According to the press sheet, they have "whaling guitars." In my mind, I see Captain Ahab holding his trusty Gibson over his head, poised to harpoon the alabaster beast from the depths. "

    Hahah, holy shit.

    Posted by Jesse on 2004-10-12 23:47:02
    My Score:

    Oh my goodness! 5 YEARS! AND FRANK BLACK! I Should change my opinion. Now I love this band!

    No, wait, they still suck.

    Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 12, 2004 at 9:44 PM (EDT)
    My Score:

    Having seen this band live in San Diego a few times I can honestly say that this reviewer is completely missing what this band is all about. The label/distributor puts bios together to sell records and give people a reason to check something out but this band definitely rocks live and on cd. They're the real deal and have been in the underground San Diego scene for 5 years! Even Frank Black who hosted a show on 94.9 (an indie station in sd) played their songs and said they were his favorite up and coming band. so take the wax out of your ears and give it another listen! This band rocks!

    Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 12, 2004 at 9:19 PM (EDT)
    My Score:

    a wack review. and you obviously KNOW what punk is all about. jesus fucking christ.

    Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 12, 2004 at 8:34 PM (EDT)
    My Score:

    "I'm ashamed to say this, but I like the cover art. It makes me think of Clay Fighters."

    Clay Fighters, as in the SNES game?

    -ObeyYourParents

    Posted by Jesse on 2004-10-12 20:12:18
    My Score:

    I did talk about the music. And sorry you like terrible music.

    Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 12, 2004 at 8:00 PM (EDT)
    My Score:

    that's a weak review. stop commenting on the press relase and talk about the fucking music. this is band is solid. sorry you don't "get it"

    Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 12, 2004 at 7:52 PM (EDT)
    My Score:

    Nirvana really does suck.

    so fuck any band that tries to sound like them.

    Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 12, 2004 at 7:30 PM (EDT)
    My Score:

    I'm ashamed to say this, but I like the cover art. It makes me think of Clay Fighters.

    -Chinatown

    Posted by Etienne on 2004-10-12 19:11:05
    My Score:

    Wow, you really do make this album sound like utter shit... which it most probably is.