Elkland

Elkland: ApartApart (2005)
Sony Music Entertainment

Reviewer Rating: 0.5

Contributed by: JesseJesse
(others by this writer | submit your own)
Published on February 15th 2005Chooooo Chooooo! Get on the Cash Train everyone! We've got enough shittastic dance-punk on this single to make you want to shoot anyone who tries to utter the words, "DANCE PARTY!" Leave the dance music to the professionals, people. For those of you afraid that Columbia Records wasn't going to.

Chooooo Chooooo!

Get on the Cash Train everyone! We've got enough shittastic dance-punk on this single to make you want to shoot anyone who tries to utter the words, "DANCE PARTY!" Leave the dance music to the professionals, people.

For those of you afraid that Columbia Records wasn't going to ride the wave of the future, then you can quit your qualms. This band is as marketable to the MTV crowd as three naked guys singing about pubes, screwing moms, and pooping is.

Think: the Killers, pt. II. Think: four sceneters trying to sound like Depeche Mode. Think: shitty Casio pop with a "dark" side. Think: asstabulous press sheet writer who references Joy Division, the Smiths, New Order, and Björk and says things like "The group recorded all the album's electronics using vintage gear exclusively..." Think: the Faint, but if pussy-ified. And let me tell you, the Faint kind of smells like tuna already. Offensive? So's this recording.

Honestly, who sends a single to Punknews? Do we look like the kind of webzine that appreciates radio/MTV-friendly singles? Oh, and did I mention they covered the Cranberries' "Salvation?" They did. And it seriously sounds like a preset beat on the keyboard that I got in third grade for piano lessons. Shit. I should have pressed it more often, then maybe I could have gotten a contract with a major label and raked in the sweet, sweet cash while sixteen-year-old girls were drooling over my whiny voice when they watch me on the TV.

You know, dance punk used to mean something. Gang Of Four, Q And Not U, other groups that I'm too lazy to cite...they all had something. What we have now is a furiously terrible cash crop prime for the picking. Dear God I just hope that you don't ride the wave.

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Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not respon sible for them in any way. Seriously.

Anonymous (February 28, 2005)

Uh yeah I go back with Jon as friends and let me tell you that he isn't trying to craft masterpeice musical theater here but just some damn good pop...He does a good job too and so what if its catchy as hell?Its fun and I guess you'd have to have some semblance of fun in your heart to appreciate it anyway instead of being so jaded and cyncial.They are also some of the kindest future rock stars out there so if you're lucky enough to talk to them, tell them you want to take a shit on their record and they'd probably buy you a burrito.

Anonymous (February 28, 2005)

Oh and annother thing i dont even know why they are even being reviewed buy a punk anything they arnt even close to punk

Anonymous (February 28, 2005)

And they arnt raking anything in yet so get off the kick that they are you dont have to like their music but you dont have to bash their integrity they are good people *Band family member

Anonymous (February 23, 2005)

Jesse need's to not be jealous of other's success. If synthpop is coming back its because people like it. So if people like them and buy their records than what the hell is wrong with that. Just because you don't like their music doesn't mean no one else can.

Anonymous (February 21, 2005)

Aw someone doesn't understand pure pop music. A beautiful record reviewed by someone who says this is "dance-punk" HA...so sad.

Anonymous (February 21, 2005)

they can't ride the cash train if they were around before this music was popular. If you don't like the music thats one thing but to call them just another one following the money trail isn't accurate. Obviously this definitely wasn't the site to send a pop record to for review HAHA. Anyway learn where a band has been before you criticize their type of music. I think the review was harsh but thats an opinion. Thats why different kinds of music are good, so different people can listen to their preferences.

Anonymous (February 20, 2005)

HA! Just realized that Jesse made the band's link say:

God Help You If You Want To Visit Their Site (link)

Me slow, but Jesse funny.

Anonymous (February 20, 2005)

Hahaha so I got this funny/disturbing idea today. The people that make sims make an expansion to the game called Emo Dance Party. It will feature a soundtrack of Elkland, Head Automatica, the Faint, and every other dand out there that makes you want to blow your brains out! (Hawthorne Heights ::cough cough:) Be the first hipster on your block to own it....and invite all your myspace pals and have a stupid emo dance party. Then Wolfman Jack comes in and fucking slaughters all the little terd boy kids. Fuckin right!

-Ninja

Jesse (February 17, 2005)

Fuck off and get out of our forums you fucking whore.

Anonymous (February 17, 2005)

Great Album!! Hey!!! I'd like to post a quick one...the Band Diana Gone WRong is about to be signed by a major record lable, but have lost their main guitarist...damn...drama...but, go to DianaGoneWRong.com and check it out. If interested, e-mail Diana at DianaGoneWRong@hotmail.com Orange County REgister did the largest article ever on a OC punk band..this past Sunday...and it was Diana....peace out and thanks * family member of Diana

Icapped2pac (February 17, 2005)

"And it seriously sounds like a preset beat on the keyboard that I got in third grade for piano lessons. Shit. I should have pressed it more often, then maybe I could have gotten a contract with a major label and raked in the sweet, sweet cash"

Sounds like Swizz Beats or Cash Money. The score is also for them.

Inspection12e (February 17, 2005)

Usually i don't agree with Jesse but this is terrible. I just watched the video and hilarity ensued

Anonymous (February 16, 2005)

Heard these guys about a year ago on a Cornerstone sampler. I saw them in NYC and they are all the rage. All I had was a few MP3s to hold me over for the last year, but I downloaded the full length last week and it's a complete fucking stinker. I think they are a god rock band because they played cornerstone.

Anonymous (February 15, 2005)

Yes, they were also known as "Goat Explosion" before. Doesn't change the fact that they still suck and sound like every other group getting signed to a major label these days.

Anonymous (February 15, 2005)

YOu guys are totally missing out, these guys came from the bottom and they are working their way up, they were around way before the killers, saw em fall of 03 at Eastern University, and they are great, we'll see you eat your words yet.

ElVaquero (February 15, 2005)

I like The Bravery.

TahoeJeff (February 15, 2005)

Good review

inagreendase (February 15, 2005)

Yep. Deeefinitely groaned out loud as soon as I heard this.