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Seemless

Seemless [reissue] (2005)
Equal Vision Records

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Contributed by: Jesse
(others by this writer | submit your own)

Published on April 22nd 2005

Whoa! This shit sounds like a modern rock band! Scratch that, it sounds exactly like Stone Temple Pilots or Soundgarden done by a shitty modern rock band. I mean, I honestly can't even take it. I know Equal Vision is a shitty trend-riding label, but this is probably the worst album I've ever heard in my life. And that means a lot coming from me.

The album is chock full of wailing Chris Cornell/Scott Weiland vocals. Enough to make me sick. Intercut are half-ass attempts at stoner rock riffs. You can tell that these guys had their mind blown by Queens Of The Stone Age's R. And by that, I mean they listened to it once and said, "Ooooh, let's try to sound like that, at least a little bit!" Congratulations, you have formed a band bankrupt of any originality or credibility. I'm sure when you get signed to a major label that doesn't care about you and throws you into the heap of the hundred of shitty bands you emulate poorly you'll truly feel at home. Sweet Jesus, there's enough drop D on this album to give any nü-metal fan a hard-on.

I don't even know why I'm reviewing this album. Despite the record label, this is just major label modern rock nü-metal fodder. Another clone band. Fuck, I was being too nice to them with Soundgarden and Stone Temple Pilots. It sounds like Velvet Revolver. And we all know how much Duff McKagan sucks when he's not wearing a TSOL shirt.

This is honestly a release that I've had to stop 10-12 times while listening to it because I just couldn't take it anymore. Good God, they even spell their name wrong like a shitty nü-metal band. And you know what? I bet thousands of you chumpmonkeys are going to lap this vomit up like honey because it's on Equal Vision. Well fuck you, and fuck this band.

With Equal Vision behind them and an army of powerful new songs in its arsenal, Seemless are firing on all cylinders and show no signs of stopping or slowing down until they bring their honest, feisty rock to the ears of everyone smart enough to listen."

Not if I can help it.

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Anonymous (May 4, 2005)

This review is so wrong. This band kicks ass. For the writer of this review he can go home and jerk off to paula on american idol.

Anonymous (May 4, 2005)

Whoever wrote this review needs a reality check and realize there parents do love them.

Anonymous (April 25, 2005)

I love this review. Awesome Jesse!

-!GreenVandal!

StormOf59 (April 25, 2005)

This band really is that bad

Anonymous (April 25, 2005)

"Most heavy hardcore bands play Drop C or C standard, which is way lower, and some (see: Acacia Strain) play in B, despite how shitty it sounds. Well, numetal bands play B at the highest. Thats why the guitars sound like diarrhea, the strings have little to no tension at that point. "

Actually the Acacia Strain plays in A#. And they have 3 guitars. I think it sounds pretty brutal.

Jesse (April 24, 2005)

Typical Pitchfork hipster bands? Like Bruce Springsteen and Reagan Youth? How about Cougars or John Coltrane? I can't help it if my musical tastes are varied and that Pitchfork likes some of the same bands that I do. Face it man, this CD is 90s alterna-rock gone bad. Get over it, and move on.

Anonymous (April 24, 2005)

I wouldn't expect someone that listens to typical Pitchfork hipster bands to enjoy this. It's not a great CD but it isn't as horrible as you make it out to be.

Kenjamin (April 24, 2005)

I think that band The Body tunes their guitar half an octave down. Not sure how noise comes out of the guitar but this is what I've been told.

Anonymous (April 23, 2005)

"Most heavy hardcore bands play Drop C or C standard, which is way lower, and some (see: Acacia Strain) play in B, despite how shitty it sounds. Well, numetal bands play B at the highest. Thats why the guitars sound like diarrhea, the strings have little to no tension at that point. "

I'm gonna drop D...eez nuts on your face ya fuckin' guitar nerd!

P.S. Sunn o))) already won the race to the bottom in terms of brown noise tuning.

Jesse (April 22, 2005)

Yeah, I didn't realize it was already reviewed. Like a zombie, I just grabbed the next thing on my "to review" pile, and went at it.