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Cyber-Jack - The Great Red Spot (Cover Artwork)

Cyber-Jack

Cyber-Jack: The Great Red SpotThe Great Red Spot (2005)
International News

Reviewer Rating: 1
User Rating:


Contributed by: AnchorsAnchors
(others by this writer | submit your own)

During my grandfather's 30-something year-long professional career, he spent his entire tenure as a civil engineer for Kodak. This meant that my mother's family moved around a great deal, living in at least four different countries before she was even old enough for college. One of the places that t.


During my grandfather's 30-something year-long professional career, he spent his entire tenure as a civil engineer for Kodak. This meant that my mother's family moved around a great deal, living in at least four different countries before she was even old enough for college. One of the places that they lived was in Brazil, and my mother has always told me how much she enjoyed the music there, and how full of life and creativity it was. So what, I ask you, happened with San Paulo export Cyber-Jack? Nü-metal, apparently. Healthy doses of Adema and Korn really help make this record what it is: virtually unlistenable.

Pop-punk, metalcore, the 2,637,788 bands that sound like Senses Fail -- none of those even come close to being as devoid of creativity as nü-metal, a genre in which every single band uses the same guitar tunings, chord progressions, lyrics, and vocal patterns. This is a genre where bands rip themselves off, ahem, Nickleback. I really had thought that the genre was more or less dead, but the computer-altered vocals and chunky riffs on this album make realize that's not in fact the case.

One listen to "Blame Game" will provide a very accurate glimpse into the rest of the album and its formula; let's evaluate:

  1. Melodic Intro.
  2. Angsty, snarled vocals.
  3. Loud chorus, with heavy, down tuned guitars.
  4. Angry lyrics about failed relationships.
It couldn't be more derivative; it honestly couldn't. Singer Andre Ston has little to no versatility in his grating, scruffy delivery and it grows tiresome before even one song can end. I understand these guys come from a trying background, seeing as San Paulo is essentially the murder capital of the world, with 12,000 murders a year there versus about 700 in New York City -- both having the same amount of citizens -- but this faux anger is really not doing a thing for them. There's no cohesive rhythms, there's no decent melodies, just a whole bunch of angst and clichés. Every single song follows the same tiresome pattern as all the ones that proceeded it, offering no reprieve other than when you realize the song is over.

If you can think of a reason to buy this album, then you are a better man than I, because there's not a single redeeming quality to be found among this mess. For years, Kodak's motto stood as "You push the button and we do the rest." Well, the only button I'll be pressing with this band is off.

 


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Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not respon sible for them in any way. Seriously.
Anonymous (October 15, 2005)

" Singer Andre Ston has little to no versatility in his grating, scruffy delivery and it grows tiresome before even one song can end."

^

Totally agree. He sounds awful

Anonymous (August 15, 2005)

You're a dicksucker....and Anchors still sucks at writing reviews.

CherryColaRain (August 12, 2005)

Call me a dick sucker but Anchors reviews well. he may go out of hand with the intros but if you are in this website anyways you probably have the time to read dont you? Or maybe you're a slow reader that needs to read "The Three Little Pigs" just a bit more. And hell a bag of Doritos!? I'm in!

Anonymous (August 11, 2005)

YEAH! and don't be late! It's go time!

Anchors (August 11, 2005)

Archangel, anonymous kid, behind the see-saw, 4 PM. Winner gets the bag of doritos stolen out of the nerdy kids lunch pail.

Anonymous (August 11, 2005)

you two pussies both need to shut the fuck up

Anonymous (August 11, 2005)

Fight! fight! fight! fight! fight!

Anonymous (August 11, 2005)

"You know what, you just suck. Shut up."

No, you suck.
Nice name, 'Archangel' thats so lame

Anonymous (August 10, 2005)

Not to defend thier god awful music or anything but Nickleback wasn't a nu-metal band. They were just a radio band playing the most generic brand of shitty post-grunge hard rock.

Anonymous (August 10, 2005)

Russe11. dude you're gay and you should be kicked in the head by a mule

Anonymous (August 10, 2005)

hahaha now thats funny, i don't care who you are

Archangel (August 10, 2005)

"i wasnt complaining, as i said, it was an opening for a ZINGER"

You know what, you just suck. Shut up.

Anonymous (August 9, 2005)

i wasnt complaining, as i said, it was an opening for a ZINGER

ohhhhhh zingeddddddd

Anonymous (August 9, 2005)

I almost miss nu-metal

stevejonestherealbones (August 9, 2005)

or maybe you werent complaining and now i am going to go back to my cartoon porn

- jones

stevejonestherealbones (August 9, 2005)

"One read of an anchors review and it will provide a very accurate glimpse into the rest of his reviews and their formula; lets evaluate:

1 long drawn out intro

2 a detailed paragraph describing the sound of the band; usually with words like "bursts" and "powerful" if its a positive review

3 the bad parts and let downs of the record, and sometimes a line about how he is content with the let downs because the high parts make up for them

4 the wrap up."

i usually only read his first paragraphs unless i know the band...but if indeed points 2-4 go like that for every review, how is that a bad thing? dont you want him to let you know what a band sounds like, let you know where the album needs work/fails and then wrap it up?

maybe his reviews are a little long for my taste, but regardless, the points you list are the make-up of a good review...so i dont know why you are complaining about 2 - 4

- jones the bones

- stevejones8770@yahoo.com

Anonymous (August 9, 2005)

yeah really. Establishes the mood?? it more or less establishes the fact that Anchors is a fucktard

Anonymous (August 9, 2005)

naw fuck that, it's useless information. just tell me how the CD sounds, the goods and the bads...i could give a shit for anything else

Russe11 (August 9, 2005)

I enjoy Anchors's reviews and it's actually pretty impressive how he keeps dishing out those intro paragraphs that tie in his life to the music. It helps establish the mood for not only his review, but for the album itself if you can relate to what he's saying. Fuck the naysayers.

Anonymous (August 9, 2005)

you forgot the stupid fucking analogies but i guess that's a subtopic in 1.long drawn out intros

Anonymous (August 9, 2005)

maybe, maybe not, i just saw an opening for a zing

Anchors (August 9, 2005)

Come on dudeee, the only formulaic part of my reviews is the intro, that's obvious to anyone. The rest of them dont' share any sort of formula or similarities as to how I go about them.

Anonymous (August 9, 2005)

One read of an anchors review and it will provide a very accurate glimpse into the rest of his reviews and their formula; lets evaluate:

1 long drawn out intro

2 a detailed paragraph describing the sound of the band; usually with words like "bursts" and "powerful" if its a positive review

3 the bad parts and let downs of the record, and sometimes a line about how he is content with the let downs because the high parts make up for them

4 the wrap up.

Anonymous (August 9, 2005)

that's Kodakcore

jamespastepunk (August 9, 2005)

My grandfather worked for Kodak as well.

Anonymous (August 9, 2005)

Yeah... It's much better for those kids to stomp around in camo and caps they don't know how to wear to their stupid conformist sound that oozes of intollerance and idiocy. Yeah, this is much better than goths who just sit in their rooms and pretend they're the Columbine kids.

-BSD

Scolex (August 9, 2005)

See, I would definitely take pop punk, metalcore or all those bands who sound like Senses Fail over a return to the days of nu-metal.

I thank Christ its no longer hip for the kids to stomp around in baggy black jeans and ICP make-up, dreading their hair and slashing their wrists to the latest Korn or Marilyn Manson release.

the_other_scott (August 9, 2005)

honestly, i don't (and wouldn't) listen to any of the bands listed below

i don't think nu-metal is better than metal-core, just not much worse

except system of a down, those guys are legit

Anonymous (August 9, 2005)

you wuold take nu-metal over hawthrone heights?

Anchors (August 9, 2005)

You'd take Godsmack and Staind over As I Lay Dying and Hopesfall? Come on..

the_other_scott (August 9, 2005)

you make it sound like nu-metal is worse than metal-core

Anonymous (August 9, 2005)

I'll be pressing the suicide booth button while this band is in one.

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