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Scissorfight

Victory Over Horseshit (2005)
Tortuga

Reviewer Rating:

Contributed by: Anchors
(others by this writer | submit your own)

Published on February 10th 2006

Every day of my senior year of high school, I would sit in my Calculus class for 44 minutes a day, and without fail, every day I would think, “I can’t think of a single thing in life that would come close to being as boring as this is right now.” And two years later, I still had not managed to find anything quite that boring. That is, until now. Scissorfight’s Victory Over Horseshit attains new levels of monotony that I didn’t know existed.

Scissorfight play a Southern style of rock that draws a bit of classic rock influence, throws in some alterna radio rock, and just sees what happens. I’ll tell you what, I need to drive a chisel down my ear canal. To paraphrase Lewis Black, at least then I’m inflicting the pain on myself. These drudging tracks are all slow-paced, heavily distorted, and devoid of any possible semblance of the creative spirit. It’s next to impossible to differentiate any of these five songs from one another, as they all use the same heavy, slow-churning rhythms, and scruffy, scowled vocals. Each song is seemingly crafted for the sole purpose of radio success, as the formula never strays even an inch away from verse, annoying chorus, verse, annoying chorus, verse, and the final annoying chorus, that somehow, some way, manages to be even more annoying than the last. “Rules Are Different for Dead Men” has possibly the most boring, repetitive, and just all around awful chorus I have ever heard, and the slow chug, chug, chug, chug, of a rhythm doesn’t help to improve things any.

Nothing else really needs to be said. This is awful, even by radio rock standards. Yeah, that bad.

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Anonymous (March 23, 2006)

scissorfight kills. tortuga was around long before the movie. have a nice day.

Anonymous (February 24, 2006)

Anchors likes Alexisonfire.

Anonymous (February 15, 2006)

SCISSORFIGHT F*ING Rocks if you ever saw them live they
would blow your faces off your skull. Pure Northren Metal
Death Ass Rock!

Jesse (February 10, 2006)

"The Most Dangerous Animal is Me."

Best Scissorfight song.

Anonymous (February 10, 2006)

Yo, Anchors, you're out of touch on this one. These guys are just a joke band, basically.

Also, when I think of "radio rock," I don't think Southern Rock. Maybe in the 70's...

-Will

davebrave4 (February 10, 2006)

doesn't tortuga mean turtle or something?

Jesse (February 10, 2006)

Dude, Scissorfight is awesome. Mantrapping for Sport and Profit. Listen to that album.

They're totaly tongue in cheek. They're from New Hampshire.

dakotacore (February 10, 2006)

I'd rather have horseshit over Victory (records)...

Anonymous (February 10, 2006)

Looks like they failed to acheive the album title. Oh, and the link is great.

Anonymous (February 10, 2006)

How do "drudging tracks...devoid of any possible semblance of the creative spirit" seem "crafted for the sole purpose of radio success"? When I think radio success, I think ear candy.

givemeamuseumandillfillit (February 10, 2006)

Are they really that bad now? I bought one of their albums 4 years ago and while it wasn't amazing, it was pretty damn ridiculous and funny.

Cos (February 10, 2006)

Well, at least they have a funny name.

Pirate of the Carribean references are getting old (the label name)

--Cos

Scruffy (February 10, 2006)

Yeah, I've only had one math class in the last 7 years, and I can't do anything now.

Anonymous (February 10, 2006)

ok, i take back my statement that anything on hydra head is worth your time. i saw these dudes with old man gloom and i was not into it at all.

kenfuggit (February 10, 2006)

I fucking aced my AP calc I and II classes. Here I am, 6 years later and I can't even do long division anymore.

-ken

Anonymous (February 10, 2006)

When I was in Finite mathematics during my senior year of high school, I would pass the time by writing Broadways lyrics in my notebook over and over and over as neatly as I could.

Good times.