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Hard-Ons

Most People Are a Waste of Time
2006
Bad Taste

Hard-Ons - Most People Are a Waste of Time (Cover Artwork)

Review by: greg0rb
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Hard-Ons (link)

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Published on October 31st 2006

Fat Mike once said in the NOFX official site’s Q & A section that "NOFX has to be one of the worst band names ever" and that he wished they had picked a different name, but can you imagine being in a band called 'Hard-Ons’ for 21 years? Well, that’s what this Australian trio has been dealing with, but I don’t know if they even regret the name. Their consistently cartoony art and jokey album titles (from 1986’s Smell My Finger to `88’s Dick Cheese as well as this current one) indicate to me that they probably aren’t too bothered by it.

The Hard-Ons, from what I can tell, are doing pretty well for themselves in their home country. According to Wikipedia the band has sold over 250,000 records worldwide and has had 17 consecutive number one hits on the Australian alternative music charts, yet they don’t seem to have made much of a lasting impression on U.S. punk fans all this time. Much of the press stuff I’m finding online likes to bolster their name by linking them to music icons, like saying that Jello Biafra called the Hard-Ons “trailblazers” and that the Ramones, Foo Fighters and Red Hot Chili Peppers requested the Hard-Ons as their opening band for Australian tours. Bottom line is that normal shmucks like myself do not know them, and even in all my reading up on punk and rock history, I can’t say I’ve ever heard their name come up. Well, I guess they are working to change all that with a current U.S. tour with the Queers, their first trip here since `93.

I’ve never heard any of their old material, but I’m reading about how it’s got bits of metal, hardcore and thrash, I’ve also seen them called ‘punk-metal,’ and an `87 BEAT magazine article referred to them as "Motörhead meets the Beach Boys," but apparently they decided to go straight up power-pop this time out. Originally slated as a double album with one pop disc and one harder disc, they have released this Descendents-inspired nugget with the harder disc scheduled for later this year or early next year.

While I have found one metal moment -- the sudden mood change with a long-ass buildup and over-extended screaming in “Bubble Bath” -- for the most part it’s hard to imagine the band being hard with most of guitarist Blackie’s vocals sounding thin, almost falsetto. “I’m Hurt I’m in Pain” has vocals that, while mildly catchy, clearly fit the title with a whimpering tone. “There Goes One of the Creeps that Hassled my Girlfriend” features former lead vocalist (and drummer) Keish, who left the band a few years ago, and his song has a very Queers / Screeching Weasel feel to it, with a hot tempo and ‘na-na-na’s making an appearance, as well as immature lyrics of revenge. Another one of my favorites here is also featuring Keish -- “Stop Crying” -- and maybe it’s just because it grooves on a mid-tempo guitar riff and has no vocals for the last two minutes.

“The Ballad of Katrin Cartlidge” works at the start because the lower volume fits better with Blackie’s light vocals. But the guitar riff that repeats over and over at the end instantly had me singing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” (the ‘how I wonder what you are’ part) and the vibraphone certainly doesn’t help matters. “But Officer I Was Just Doing My Job” is straight up annoying, with a dizzying back-and-forth guitar thing that repeats a good 20 times, along with Blackie’s weak vocals alternating with a creepy spoken/whispered thing. Basically, the vocals do this album in.

Now, if I heard this album and someone told me it was from 1985, I would have been slightly impressed and cut it more slack on the weaker aspects, taking into account that punk this hard yet still melodic was being drawn from the Ramones and melded with hardcore by bands like the Descendents back then. But in the current day, it’s old news and rehashing. I also probably would have been easier on them had I heard of them before. My punk cred may be going down the tubes; maybe every other Punknews reader has heard of them and I missed the boat (I’m sure you’ll all weigh in on the comment board). Let me just say that Most People Are a Waste of Time is not all bad, it's got some good tunes and decent hooks with toe-tapping pop-punk tempos, but these days it takes more to impress me.

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Posted by Anonymous on Monday, November 6, 2006 at 6:00 PM (EST)

sigh.

Posted by Zorak_Ramone on 2006-11-05 16:54:49

I think that was an admission of defeat!!!

i'm the fucking winner!!!

*dances around a peach tree*

Posted by greg0rb on 2006-11-05 12:19:42

As riveting as this dialogue has been, I think we're done here. Have a nice life, I hope you're quite pleased with yourself. I'm really sad that someone is this concerned over a punknews review. I did my best, sorry I couldn't please you. Don't plan on anymore responses from me; you can go waste your time elsewhere.
-Greg

Posted by Zorak_Ramone on 2006-11-05 04:58:32

You idiot. I didn't say you'd find music in that link. I said you could use the google link to find reviews and to brush up on your knowledge of the band and how they've progressed.

As for my reviews, knock yourself out kid;
www.timeoff.com.au (my name is Steve Zemek do a search for every interview and review i've done for the paper)
wreckedkids.blogspot.com

Of course i'm just feeding into your argument by giving you those links. Which of course presumes that unless you yourself review you can't criticize the reviews of others. What a crock of shit.

Listen dickhead, my point is, and was from the start, that you didn't brush up on the band very well and it showed. This was magnified by the fact that the Hard Ons have a twenty something year history.

If you don't know anything about a band your first point of call should be to listen to their older material and read as many past reviews as possible.

Posted by greg0rb on 2006-11-04 10:58:34

Did you try clicking that link? No music there. Don't use limewire, thanks, no time. Dolt. hehe, you're funny. Again, show me your reviews please.
-Greg

Posted by Zorak_Ramone on 2006-11-03 20:31:51

http://www.google.com.au/search?hl=en&safe=off&q=hard ons cd reviews&meta=
www.slsknet.org/
www.limewire.com/

you dolt.

Posted by greg0rb on 2006-11-02 18:32:33

Haha you're funny. The internet.. woo! Gotta kick outta that. If you wanna send me some mp3s to 'educate me' be my guest. They don't have any on their website, they don't have a myspace... they may or may not have mp3s on their label's site I cant remember. Anyway, I'm not gonna kill myself working on a review for an album that is not that great. Now point me to you reviews so I can learn.
-Greg

Posted by Zorak_Ramone on 2006-11-02 17:10:29

"Um yeah. I did do my 'homework' and found out as much as I could about these guys, but I am not going to go and buy all their past albums in order to review the one I was sent"

i didn't tell you to go buy their back catalogue. there are other resources for listening to music you know. this is the fucking internet.

besides, it reads like your research consisted of reading a press release.

Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 at 7:32 PM (EST)
My Score:

the hard-ons are one of my favorite bands of all time, but this album is just eh. everything since "too far gone" has been slightly lacking, especially with the absence of keish. there's some good stuff on this album and the last one, but i'd say avoid "this terrible place" and check out "love is a battlefield," "dickcheese," "yummy" and "too far gone" (in that order) for awesome proto pop punk with a little more bite.

Posted by Scruffy on 2006-10-31 22:27:00

I'm getting sick of people criticizing reviews because the reviewer didn't give it "the right score".

Posted by greg0rb on 2006-10-31 21:25:59

Um yeah. I did do my 'homework' and found out as much as I could about these guys, but I am not going to go and buy all their past albums in order to review the one I was sent. I merely reviewed the current album and it is mediocre sloppy pop punk.
-Greg

Posted by Ike_Ness on 2006-10-31 20:24:21

These guys had some really good releases on BOMP that I have managed to acquire. Their songs go through some crazy mood/music changes, and contrary to what the reviewer states, I do not find their music tired or played out.

Hopefully gregn00b will do a little more homework next time, and realize that these guys deserve better than a 4.

Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 at 12:16 PM (EST)

i saw them open for the queers and they definately bring it. not anything ground breaking but they put on a great show. the bassist ended the show playing upside down doing a hand stand during a noisy metal jam. awesome stuff!

Posted by wentz_equals_death on 2006-10-31 12:15:53

i saw them open for the queers expecting a queersy, screechy, ramonesy band (kind of like what this review suggests) but instead got my ass ripped in half. it was awesome. they were operating at around 90% metal, but it was the cool kind of metal. like metal from people who love screeching weasel.

Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 at 11:32 AM (EST)

I saw these guys earlier this month and they terrify me....After some "u suck" chants the guitar player/singer ripped out his armpit hair put it in his mouth then spit it at the fan....Just in case u wanted to know

Posted by Pricey123 on 2006-10-31 08:56:38

i have Yummy, Too Far Gone, This Terrible Place and Very Exciting.

Very Exciting was really good in my opinion with lots of different sounds going on. I'm not sure about their early stuff, Yummy seemed very basic, although Spew and Where Did She Come From are good. I doubt i'll buy this album soon though.

Posted by The_wang on 2006-10-31 06:54:33

'The Hard-Ons, from what I can tell, are doing pretty well for themselves in their home country'

they are close to unknown in australia. their guitarist works as a cab driver. i went and saw them on their last australian tour and they didnt even have a merch table/guy. after the set they sold eveything out of a suitcase on stage. poor guys.

they should really get a singer, as blackie does an ok job on some songs but usually just gets a bit lost in the mix.

Posted by BrandonSideleau on 2006-10-31 02:43:17
My Score:

The only thing I've heard by the Hard Ons is their collaboration with Henry Rollins on the 2 song (one cover, one original) "Let There Be Rock" EP and it kicks ass....as does the video. The music is great and Henry is in top form...check it out on soulseek or something (as I'm pretty damn sure it's log out of print). Oh and they definitely aren't "Metal"...they seem to be influenced by the heavier aspectso f the Ramones.

Posted by Zorak_Ramone on 2006-10-31 02:31:47

"hey guyz i don't know who this band is nor have i ever heard any of their songs but i think i'm qualified to review it"

shit review.

p.s. this album doesn't hold a candle to their older stuff. Yummy is where it's at, kids.

Posted by GlassPipeMurder on 2006-10-31 01:20:42

saw them open for the queers and was severely annoyed. i don't like metal though, so i don't feel qualified to give this as low a score as i would like...

Posted by ilikepunkrock on 2006-10-31 00:30:11
My Score:

too

Posted by ilikepunkrock on 2006-10-31 00:29:03
My Score:

Here is a good CD that I believe recieved way to low of a score.

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