Updates from Horse the Band: Warped Tour, recording, Pizza

The nice young men of HORSE the Band have written an update on their future plans as well as what could be called "reflections" on the summer. The band will be recording a new album over the holidays and supporting the record with a headlining tour set to begin in March.

Among the choice words:

Sometimes it is hard to believe how many douchebags there are in the world. Most of them are in bands on Warped Tour.

Cannibal Corpse dedicated "Fucked with a Knife" to us and women!

The pizza boxes are going to look REAL. On the real.We're going to limit the vinyl to 500 copies, so keep checking back, cause when they go on sale they're going to go fast. I think they're gonna be sort of expensive but who cares? You won't be quick enough to get one anyway.

The band recently released the Pizza EP. The 5-song disc follows the band's 2005 Combat Records debut, The Mechanical Hand. The album is due out September 5th, 2006.

For the entirety of the update, you can click Read More.

OK now I can tell you. Haha I made a new webpage! Jose Gonzalez rules!!!! Thanks Danielle! Pizza is coming out September 5th on CD in every store in the world. I just got started on the vinyl so it should be about 5 weeks before that makes it out. But we will let you know. The pizza boxes are going to look REAL. On the real.We're going to limit the vinyl to 500 copies, so keep checking back, cause when they go on sale they're going to go fast. I think they're gonna be sort of expensive but who cares? You won't be quick enough to get one anyway. We'll only be selling them through our label (still picking a name) and the Merchnow site (www.merchnow.com/horsetheband)

Fucking Chiodos. They never got Fucked with a Knife dedicated to them. They probably got a Motion City Soundtrack song dedicated to them called "Sorry for Never Writing Back (PS- I Miss You)" or some gay crap.

Sounds of the Underground was fun. We are really tan now. Gwar killed me and Dash at the end of it on stage. Cannibal Corpse dedicated "Fucked with a Knife" to us and women! That is the definition of success. Corpsegrinder dedicating a song to you. You guys in bands should all just give up… Just stop right now because that is NEVER going to happen to you.

Warped tour was fun too. The funnest part of Warped Tour was looking at the other bands. Sometimes it is hard to believe how many douchebags there are in the world. Most of them are in bands on Warped Tour. All the singers of the bands dress exactly the same and have the exact same haircut. The best part is when you see a real high profile singer in his designer shades walking around the bus his label paid for. Then at 2:00 in the afternoon, in the sweltering heat, you see him and his band of fags dressed up in jeans with their hair done playing out of a little trailer that gets pulled around by a truck to approximately 47 people, that is called the Ernie Ball stage. Then he is on his sidekick later. But everyone knows. 47 people dawg.

A favorite pasttime that everyone loves is to ride motorcycles at Warped Tour through the buses at night. There was this one fucking DORK who rode his gay yellow motorcycle around the buses all night every night. He was like look at me I have a mini motorcycle and I'm backstage at Warped Tour EVERY FUCKING NIGHT for 3 hours. I don't even know what band he was in, but he definitely wins Biggest Douche of the Summer Award. Next year I am going to shoot him with a shotgun. He even surpassed the "Biggest Douche, 2004" from Iowa who was telling me Norma Jean's guarantee and how he personally knew the dudes in "Personal Mistake" and what great dudes they were, the greatest guys ever, really great dudes. Other highlights were dipping the stick in the Portopotty residue every night and then rubbing traces of feces all over all of Halifax's stuff when they weren't around (we were sharing a bus). Man we got them so many times and never even told them.

Chiodos also kicked me out of their autograph line after I waitied in it for 40 minutes. FUSE even got a shot of me hyperventilating and almost fainting cause I was so excited to meet their keyboardist while I was in line. He is sooooooo good! I had a Cutsman shirt for them to sign. We still tricked them though and got someone else to make them sign it. But for some reason they wrote HORSE the gay on it.

The tour with Dragonforce and All That Remains starts in 4 days or something. I think a lot of the shows are already sold out. Good thing Dragonforce put us on! Besides that, it will probably be the last time you see us unless we do something short in the winter, which we probably won't cause I hate winter. But we're going to write a new album (in the winter) and record it hopefully by March. It is going to be the best album ever. It isn't going to sound like Pizza or the Mechanical Hand, it is going to sound better, with better parts that you can't even conceive of! And we are going to take it to the next level, if you can even believe that. No way are we going to puss out like the new Senses Fail!!!!! Man I was really bummed on how there was NO SCREAMING AT ALL. I was REALLY looking forward to that record. What a bunch of vaginas!!!!

So after we write that, our breakthrough record, and we begin our career defining moment, we are going to do a North American headlining tour playing all your favorites from R. Borlax and the Mechanical Hand, and even Pizza and a couple of new songs. That will be in March. It will be our tour, it will be cheap, and in good smaller fun places, with really good opening bands, and you are all going to lose your minds and we will playing for 80 minutes every night. And when I say North American, I mean USA #1, Fucking Mexico #2, and Canada. But mark my words we are coming to Mexic O and we are coming to SEVERAL cities, including the baddest motherfucker of them all CIUDAD MEXICO. We are going to rock your Mexican balls off of your frijoles and show you what complete pussies other bands are, and our van is going to get stolen, no insurance, our organs will get cut off and we will wake up in a Igloo cooler in Acapulco on the beach and eat mangoes with you tilwe die 15 minutes later!!!!!!!!!! We are coming!!!!!!!!!!!! USA, MEXICO, FUCKING I CANT BELIEVE IT BUT YES EVEN CANADA! We are coming. Mark my words.

Oh and we replaced our old drummer Eli with our new drummer Chris Prophet, a child prodigy. He learned all our songs in 2 weeks for this Dragonforce tour, so come say hi to him. I know you all want to know the dirt on Eli and what led to our (not his) decision. Well, fuck you.