We read last week what happens when a quick band intro goes awry as the best darn codpiece cobbler ever spoke with HORSE the Band. Today, we're going to power through the rest of the interview in all of it's unnverving hilarity. We get to hear about their "issues" with their new Pizza EP, why their label, Combat Records, is retarded, and some "amusing" threats concerning oral stimulation. You can hear the full audio of the interview, along with cuts (still hurts) of the Pizza EP, at Sound Scene Revolution. The site will also be running a contest where two lucky winners will receive a copy of the Pizza EP courtesy of HORSE the Band. My mind is still reeling but the band is right: "We're so going to hell for this."
When we last saw the band, they had stoked the flames of the rumour mill (wait, do mills have flames?) surrounding Underoath even higher… Erik: (laughing) Holy shit! That guy is stealing a ladder. (we watch as a man takes the metal barricade that was in front of the bands van)
I think that's one of the [Warfield's] metal barricades. Nathan: Someone just stole a metal fence.
E: Aww, it's not a ladder.
N: I love S.F. San Francisco should be abbreviated to S.F.S., steal fucking shit. (The man continues well past the Warfield) He's going the distance. He's going to go put it around his box bedroom.
He's going to have the best alleyway shelter ever. N: What's weird is our tour manager is black and he doesn't sleep in a box. (laughter erupts) But he's our friend. What I was saying was that most racial stereotypes are false because our tour manager is black and he doesn't sleep in a box.
Do you sleep in a box? N: Well, I'm kind of destined for it. I'm white, so racial stereotypes are false. Unless you're Asian and that's a whole different story. We're so going to hell for this.
Going back to bands, Chiodos. They seem to get mentioned a lot in conjunction with you guys. Not in a positive light, is there any reason for this? N: We're really big fans of Chiodos. Matter of fact on the Warped Tour Eric stood in line for 40 minutes to get their autograph. Only to be thrown out of line.
E: It was sad.
I don't think Chiodos are big fans of yours. N: Well, he wanted an autograph and he had a Cutsman shirt everything and they wouldn't have it.
Did they like point you out and say, "Get him out of line"? N: Actually, yes.
E: The funny thing is that they knew who I was. It was actually veryâ¦what's the word?
N: Gay.
E: Gratifying, flattering. That's it.
N: Ostentatious.
E: (looks out side and sees a guy playing with a dog) That dog is eating a Red Barron mini pizza.
N: Dude, now that's racist because that guy doesn't even have a home. I was talking about the guy over here in the gutter, with the sweater.
E: So Chiodos. They are gaining weight. Theyâ¦
N: Have sweet swoops.
E: Have sold more albums than us. Their keyboard player is way better than me.
N: And in two years you'll never have any idea who they are. I had a long conversation with the lead singer of Chiodos during Warped Tour and he pretty much confirmed they're just going to give up as a band, after about another year.
E: Lots of drug problems.
So apparently everyone, for some reason or another, confides in you. N: I was talking to the lead singer of Chiodos and he told me his real name is Charles and one year from August 15, Chiodos is going to break up because essentially they know they're not any good. They're going to do one more album but it's essentially going to be Ray Charles covers broken into pop-punk patterns, with a couple of dissonant break downs and then they're going to say they're done. A lot of people like them so that's kind of disappointing to me, because a lot of people are going to be bummed. Really, if they're going to just openly admit to copying bands it's probably better off if they just stop, because Chiodosâ¦Matter of fact, what' is a Chiodos? I mean when know what a horse is. We know what a band is, but what's a Chiodos?
I'll call anyone I don't like a faggot but I'll suck a dick before I really hate somebody.
I think of a Mexican food. N: I picture like a quesadilla and a grundle between somebody's balls and ass and have them mixed up. Like a chode quesadilla. (Erik starts laughing) But when I asked the singer, Charles, about what a Chiodos was, he said it was a broken heart descending from the sky, catching fire because of its sorrow. (stops suddenly and looks out the window) Okay guys! Look, that guy out there is a pimp. He told me he had three girls at home looking to party. I'm pretty sure that was an offer.
E: It's Samuel L. Jackson.
N: Racist.
E: What?!
So, does it ever bother you guys⦠E: That people make us out to be racist and homophobic? Yes.
Probably the homophobic part is true. Not that you are, but that people seem to view you that way. N: You know, I'll call anyone I don't like a faggot but I'll suck a dick before I really hate somebody. You can read that any way you want. I mean if you really think I'm anti-gay people, I'll blow you just to prove that you're wrong.
Nah, I don't care that much. N: You're anti-gay.
E: There's not much hatred in this band. I think anyone who has seen us knows that.
It'd be kind of ridiculous? E: Yeah.
N: Like you could say we hate Chiodos but the honest truth is that they told us that they suck so we just kind of go with it.
You just tell everyone what they tell you. N: Yeah, I'm just passing along the info. It's like a High School party.
E: I think we just think that stuff is funnier than most people. People shouldn't think their lives are so serious.
N: Yeah, like have you heard Dragonforce? (laughs)
Does it ever bother you that a lot of people tag you as "that silly Nintendo band" and a lot of people think all your songs are Nintendo character based. A lot of them if you read the lyrics are as good if not better than the quote "serious" bands. N: Well, even the songs that people think are Nintendo are just metaphors for something else. We only have three songs that reference Nintendo and that was seriously just based of the sound of the keyboard. I was like, "Oh, sounds like a Nintendo" and that kind of inspired me. You songs are supposed to be upbeat and fun, even if they have serious meanings underneath. You know like, "kill every black guy you see". (eruption of laughter) Oh dude, I take that back, that's fucked up.
"Anti-Pizza", that's what it's about. N: "Anti-pizza" is about killing Asians. Honestly, that's not the truth. It's not really funny at all. It's about killing white people.
It's okay to kill whitey.
It's okay to kill whitey. N: I mean we're just an upbeat, fun band but we have serious meaning behind everything. If you don't get that it just shows your level of mental instability and that's not my problem. It's there and all the people who really like us understand what's really going on and that's all that's important to me.
Is it hard to keep that sense of humor when so many people see it as that's all you are? N: Well, it's gotten to the point where I can just fart stage and tell everyone that I hate them and they'll just think it was a funny joke. I'll be like, "you guys are bumming me out. I'm sick of you retards" and everyone will be like, (high pitched voice) "That was so funny, when you told all those fuckers you hate them". And I'm just like, "I meant you".
E: The amount of people who come up to me and say, "Oh, I used to think that I hated you guys but then I actually listened to you" and that's when they realize it.
N: Can I give a question to the interviewer? Do you think that Dragonforce is a serious band?
I don't consider myself enough of a fan of Dragonforce to really say anything about them. N: Okay, they sing about dragons. Okay, here's another question, do you think that Avenged Sevenfold is a serious band?
No. N: Well, they're really nice guys who name themselves M. Shadows and Cryptkeeper S. (eruption of laughter) Apparently they're a serious band, but our names are Nathan and Erik and apparently we're a joke band. But, you can call yourself M. Fucking Shadows and that's dead serious. I'm gonna leave it at that. No offense to those guys because they've been nothing but cool to us but uhâ¦dude that was fucking hilarious.
Well you've toured with Dillinger [Escape Plan] didn't you? N: Yeah.
[Avenged Sevenfold] has a thing against Dillinger don't they? N: Well, Dillinger has a thing against them. They made a little speech every night. The funny thing is Dillinger is the better band. They don't really play pop tunes and they don't do Motely Crue covers so it kind of throws them out of the running. Honestly, we played with Avenged Sevenfold way before we ever played with Dillinger and they were nice enough to us but it's just funny seeing them the squares you grew up with in High School who could play guitar but do nothing for style and now their on the cover of AP with runny mascara looking depressed, when like the day before they had on a Devo t-shirt and spiky hair sticking up above their head, that's right I'm talking to you, drummer of Avenged Sevenfold. (laughs) Basically, end of story is people treat us like a joke band but we don't call ourselves M. Shadows.
So I want to ask you guys have the new EP that came out on Tuesday, correct? N: Now that, that was funny. We did that for fun, period. It's about pizza, end of story. There's no deeper meaning.
You covered they "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" song on there right? N: They told me I had to. Turtles love pizza, it made sense.
So I was told it was originally going to come out on your own label and you were going to title it Kanga-Rooster Records. E: We're doing the vinyl. I actually just dropped off the master yesterday, so it should be done in five weeks. We got the pizza boxes two days ago and sent them off to get printed on.
N: As a funny side note, have you seen our "Pizza" EP?
No, I have not. E: Ask us, "Is your record label retarded?"
Alright, is your record label⦠E: Yes! (laughs).
N: Okay, check it out. The concept was that it was going to be a digi-pak which is a cardboard CD with no plastic casing, where it looks like a pizza box and you open it and the pizza's inside and the bottom is covered in grease and the inside cover is cheese and sauce. So, it gives you the feel that you open the CD and it's a box of pizza and the record's a pizza. Our record label, without warning, we get our copies and they like flipped the art upside down, put the CD on the inside of the cover, so the sauce mark is underneath the pizza itself. Then where every other CD has been on an album they put a giant advertisement for our last album, without telling us, over the art that we had made. We had to pressure our artist and be like, "We really want it to look like what it looks like under a pizza" and they threw a giant picture of our last album. So if you buy our new CD it looks like a cover of a pizza box, you open it up and the first thing you see is the cover of our last album. It's a first in musical history, to have a full entire ad of your last album inside the cover of your new album. It's never been done before.
E: The fucking pizza is on the ceiling of the pizza edge. Stuck to it.
N: Cutting fucking edge. Cutting edge.
E: I encourage you to not buy that album from our record label till they start making better life decisions.
N: Or, order them pizza for delivery at the label office but tell the guy on the phone, be like, "Listen I want a large pepperoni but will you flip it upside down in the box? And throw a copy of Mechanical Hand underneath it". Then when the people get it they'll think, (high pitched voice) "Why the fuck is it like this?" Then they'll think really long and hard about what they did to our fucking life.
E: No one takes us seriously.
N: See those guys are faggots and that's not anti-gay, they're just deserving of gapping rim dangelation.
So the vinyl is going to come out on Kanga-Rooster? E: Yeah, I think that's what we're going to call it.
Where did that being of the Kanga-Rooster come from? E: The land of Let's Pretend.
I saw the video on your MySpace, it's nice. N: I love the Kanga-Rooster. Half the animal is kangaroo the other half's a rooster.
E: I don't know. He's just always been there I think. There's a lot of characters in the HORSE world. We're making a video game.
Are you? E: Yeah, not that we associate ourselves with video games in anyway.
N: I just beat Mario 6 the other night. Did I say Mario? I meant Mega Man. I beat Mega Man 6 on the Mega Man Anniversary edition for the Game Cube.
If you can beat Mega Man 2, let me know how because⦠N: No, I beat 2 back in the day.
I could never, eh, I suck ass. N: Well, you're born in a hole you live in a hole. I beat six. That's all I got to say. Did it in one sitting. Yamomato Man with inpiercable (sic) armor and master of spear went down. He was susceptible to Senitar (?) power which isâ¦
E: An atomic bomb. Your sound guy's a fucking dick.
He just tells me how much time we have left. (At this point Nathan begins a freestyle that continues to the next question). So you guys are probably going to get asked this a lot, your drummer Eli is not in the band anymore. N: (still "freestyling") He sucks fucking shit, I hate fucking Eli. He's a piece a crap, he is shit, I hope he dies. Eli is crap. There's no lie, he's a di-a-rrhe-a face he doesn't have any place, in our band. (this continues for some time)
Alright. So is there like an official statement? N: Our official statement is that we don't like him.
Is that as far as it goes? E: (in very legally formal tone) Due to differing personalities among band members.
N: (in similar tone) Due to three quarters of the band hating the drummer, he was let go. To never ever do anything with his life again. I'm sorry sound guy dude, I'm bumming you out.
Sound Guy Nariman: (curled up in the front of the van) We just went hiking today and sitting like this is making my knee sore, that's all.
N: So you climbed a mountain and then interviewed HORSE the Band. You guys had more fun than I did.
What'd you guys do today? N: Drove. Our skinny, black, Muslim merch man who only speaks Chinese and only sleeps on a hard floor drove 97 miles down the free way honking for two and three minutes at a time at anybody who switched lanes in front of him.
E: It was so bad.
N: 20 feet ahead of us someone would change lanes and he'd be like, "(horn noise for about 15 seconds, then in a high pitched voice) What the fuck? Boing dong boi chi bei". (laughter breaks out) "Bing ding, biggity bing bing" Fuck Eli.
He said that as well, eh? E: (in a high pitched voice) "Orange Chicken and wonton soup".
N: (maintaining high pitch voiced) "I hope Eli die from water". (laughs) Dude, Eli you're sitting at home and you want to die and it's just funny to me. Wait what are we doing?
E: This is like the first interview I've done in like a year.
I apologize for being born the way I am.
Well I want to thank you guys for taking the time to talk to us. N: I apologize for being born the way I am.