Various - Short Music for Short People (Cover Artwork)


Short Music for Short People (1999)

Fat Wreck Chords

"Why can't people understand? I got a short attention span. A short attention span."
So sing the Fizzy Bangers. It pretty much sums up this bizarre concept CD from the boffins at fat wreck laboratories. If you haven't heard of this CD (very unlikely, but remotely possible), it is 101 30-second punk songs by 101 different punk bands.

The best songs are not necessarily from bands you'd expect. It's pretty hard to write a good 30-second song, and obviously a few of the more popular bands submitted half-hearted efforts. However, lots of the less well-known bands obviously took this opportunity to really impress people and get some publicity. So it's good in that regard, you get some unexpected and pleasant surprises.

An inordinately large amount of the songs done specifically for this CD are actually about doing the song for the CD. There are about 15 or 20 songs which deal primarily with bands whining about how little they can fit into 30 seconds. I know it's meant to be funny, and it is – the first 3 or 4 times. Wizo go even further and the entire song is a count from 1 to 30. Ah, those crazy Germans.

Not all the songs were recorded specifically for this album, and those are immediately apparent (as you've probably heard them before), such as ‘spray paint carwash' from Black Flag. This is fine, in the case of bands which are no longer together (or alive), but I think it's poor form from bands which are still around, but are too lazy to do an original song. If the Sub-Humans can get their act together to do an original song for this comp then everyone else should have an easy time doing it.

I'm not going to go through and describe every song (though I could, I pretty much know this CD off by heart). I will however single some bands out for special mention.

First off, the Nerf Herder song is one of the funniest songs i've ever heard, followed closely by the Offspring's effort, then Blink 182's ‘Family Reunion' (which I know is a B side for one of their cd's but I don't know which came first, the chicken or the egg. Regardless, ‘Shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits fart dirty twat' are the still the best lyrics for a song I've ever heard), and then Nofx's own sick contribution ‘see her pee'.

Fury 66's song is great. Very angry (not surprisingly).

The Ataris song I liked until it got used for an APPLE COMPUTER ad. Just kidding, as deplorable as that was, the song is still ace.

Gwar are their typical disgusting selves, though ‘fish fuck' deserves special mention for being so mind numbingly disgusting.

Stung Out's song is great.

Fat mike was being interviewed on Sydney radio station JJJ in 2000, and he said that sequencing this was an absolute nightmare, and that most of the good songs were on the first half of the CD. Strange then that my favourite songs are on the second half. And my absolute favourite is second last. This is caustic soda's submission ‘welcome to dumpsville, population you'. Actually, Fat Mike agreed that this was one of the best, and that it was at the end for no apparent reason. Two other notable mentions from the last half of the CD is the Lunachicks with ‘pretty houses', and the Dwarves with ‘the band that wouldn't die'. Also, and I know this is against all my principles, but I actually like the Bodyjar contribution…

I won't lie and say it's for everyone, but to me, this is an awesome CD and well worth the small amount of cash I had to part with to purchase it. Obviously some people will find it hard to sit through, but me, I can sit through it on repeat for hours. It certainly doesn't get repetitive.

There are funny songs, angry songs, catchy pop-punk songs, atmospheric songs, hardcore songs, good songs, bad songs, incoherent songs, boring songs, annoying songs, fucking excellent songs. Everything. With one common factor… they are all ‘punk.'