I can hear the questions already. Why would 40-something, Negative Approach-loving Tom Trauma go to this show? For that matter, why would any self-respecting punk want to see these bands? The answer is quite simple, my friends. You see, Mr. Trauma has a 14-year-old daughter and All Time Low is one of her favorite bands. I’m trying to encourage her love of music while patiently waiting for her taste to improve. We’ve gone to a handful of shows (some her choice, some mine) but this is the first one I was loathe to attend. Ultimately, I want to make her happy. That’s how I found myself at the Deltaplex on Friday, November 13th. The venue is the smaller and dumpier of our fine city’s two arenas, and not my first choice as a place to unwind after a long week at work. Yet there I was, slugging down $6 Bud drafts with a few thousand people half my age.

My companions for the evening were the previously mentioned Alex Trauma and her friend. They were filled with a great sense of excitement and I was filled with a slight sense of dread. The former hockey shed is capable of holding 6,000 or so people, but was far from sold out. The main floor was mostly full, but ¾ of the bleachers weren’t even open. The show started really early, so mercifully we didn’t catch the first band, One Ok Rock. They’re from Japan and this was their last night on tour. If they were anything like the rest of the bands, we didn’t miss much. The kids must have liked them because I saw a lot of their t-shirts and there was a long line for autographs after their set.

We did catch Neck Deep, a five-piece band from the UK. A lot of their merch said ‘Generic Pop Punk’ on it and I would have to agree. They were actually the band I had the highest hopes for, as I had read a couple of rave reviews of their 2015 album, Life’s Not Out to Get You. At their best, Neck Deep sounds a bit like Blink 182. At their worst, they’ll remind you of nu metal. One of their guitarists even out hipstered the entire room with his epic beard and by playing the entire show in his boxer shorts. The crowd seemed to love their half hour set, and a lot of kids were singing along. Alex thought they were ok. I was less impressed than that.

It was obvious that a lot of kids were there to see Sleeping With Sirens. The band has strong ties to West Michigan and currently calls Grand Rapids home. When it comes to bands from GR, I usually follow the motherly adage “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all." I’m afraid I’m going to have to violate my own policy. SWS took the stage with a lot of energy and played a couple of upbeat songs, including “Kick Me.” Singer Kellin Quinn looks like a cross between Robert Smith and Patti Smith, dressed all in black with a flap of black hair. (The rest of the guys look like frat boys.) His aggressive singing voice reminds me of Mark Slaughter, whose band Slaughter had a couple of big hair metal hits in the late '80s. (This is the first of a few hair metal flashbacks I experienced over the course of the evening.) SWS had a big stage production with drum samples, lots of fancy lights, a big drum riser, fog machines, etc...

Unfortunately, Sleeping With Sirens’ songs just kept getting wimpier and wimpier. There were three guitarists, but they barely needed one. Quinn’s gentler voice sounds like a cross between whining and crying. The acoustic songs were just about too much for me. I half expected them to join hands and sob together in the center of the stage. The kids loved it. They were hanging on their every word. It’s worth noting that this show took place on the same night as the terrorist attacks at the Eagles of Death Metal concert in Paris. I was not particularly moved by their rich political and religious discourse, including one guitarist claiming that it “destroys my soul.” They finished their nearly hour long set with a few heavier songs. Alex liked it, but it definitely wasn’t for me. Sleeping With Sirens? I’d rather be sleeping with the fishies.

They draped a sheer curtain in front of the stage so we couldn’t see them setting up for All Time Low (very hair metal). When they finally came on nearly a half hour later, they played “Satellite” behind the curtain so all we could see was their shadows. Once the curtain dropped, the crowd went wild (there were even a few flying bras, also pure hair metal). At first, they reminded me of a more bro-ish Green Day, and it went downhill from there. According to Miss Trauma they played about half of the songs from their new album Future Hearts. I couldn’t help but notice an extra guitarist/keyboardist/vocalist lurking in the shadows to fatten up their live sound. At one point, ATL played what was essentially a pre-recorded dance song while they tried not to look bored strumming along. “Weightless” got the biggest roar of approval and “Remembering Sunday” was my Alex’s favorite.

All Time Low played short snippets of Warrant’s “Cherry Pie” and Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me.” They (badly) played a longer chunk of Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer” (hair metal overload). I was shocked to hear all those young people singing along. How do they know a song from when I was in middle school? They also made dick jokes and said things like, “make some f*cking noise.” (Ozzy should get paid royalties every time a band says that.) You never realize how crude these guys talk until you go with your 14-year-old daughter. Are cursing and innuendo what pass for teenage rebellion these days? It’s as bad as when I was a kid. Toward the end of their set, All Time Low encouraged crowd surfing. The guy next to me and I helped a couple people up, then a line formed waiting for our help. It was kind of annoying, but at least it gave me something to do. (I even saw some douche trying to take a crowd surfing selfie.) This was Alex’s first time seeing this, and she thoroughly enjoyed it.

The encore included fan favorite “Kids in the Dark” and a bunch of beach balls were thrown into the crowd to be batted around. Girls were encouraged to get on shoulders and showered in blue and gold paper hearts on “Something’s Gotta Give.” The whole thing reminded me of the music of my youth. It was all style and no substance. It was nearly 90 minutes of junk food. It tasted good but had no nutritional value. It wasn’t for me but the kids loved it. Alex Trauma and her friend loved it. They were as thrilled as I would have been seeing the Sex Pistols open for the Ramones. I suppose that has to be worth something. 

*Alex Trauma gave this show a 9 out of 10.*