Clownvis Presley - A Very Clownvis Christmas [7-inch] (Cover Artwork)
Staff Pick

Clownvis Presley

A Very Clownvis Christmas [7-inch] (2018)

Failure Records & Tapes

I used to hate holiday music. I used to hate novelty acts too. Somewhere along the way, my stance has softened significantly. As a matter of fact, it appears I’ve come full circle. For exhibit A, I offer A Very Clownvis Christmas. Somehow, the A-side of this two song single has become my favorite Christmas song EVER. (At least at the moment.) I simply cannot stop singing “Don’t be a Bitch (Or You Won’t Get Stuff for Christmas)”, whether it’s appropriate or not. Pretty much everyone I’ve shared it with has experienced the same shameful sense of glee.

I must admit to not being familiar with Clownvis Presley, “The King of Clowns”, prior to this release. In case you haven’t put two and two together yet, he’s an Elvis impersonator who also happens to be a clown. Apparently, he first made a name for himself by appearing on America’s Got Talent way back in 2010. (He performed an unforgettable version of “Old MacDonald Had a Farm” and insulted the judges.) Since then he’s toured with Mac Sabbath and Insane Clown Posse, just to name a couple. He also has a Youtube channel, and it’s a wonderful way to lose an hour or two.

Anyway, back to the songs. “Don’t be a Bitch (Or You Won’t Get Stuff for Christmas)” is set to the tune of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”. Despite its title, it’s much closer to PG than R. It’s ridiculously catchy, and you will get hooked on it. (Watch the official video. I dare you.) The B-side is the slightly more provocative, but only slightly less catchy “Coming For You On Christmas”. “Santa only comes one night a year/But I’ll come every night if you let me.” It’s tasteless and self aware in all the right ways.

A Very Clownvis Christmas is definitely a bit out of the ordinary for Failure Records & Tapes, which has been a punk and metal label to this point. This thing has the potential be be a perennial holiday best seller. (Maybe the musical equivalent of the movie Elf.) It’s Clownvis’ first time on vinyl, and it will be available in very limited quantities of red and green, as well as black. If you’ve been looking for the perfect Christmas gift, look no further. My only complaint about this is that there's not more of it.