Lucerin Blue - Tales of the Knife (Cover Artwork)
Staff Review

Lucerin Blue

Tales of the Knife (2003)

Tooth & Nail


I applaud those of you who are still reading this and haven't scrolled down to voice your hatred. But I urge you to act quickly, because otherwise all of the good insults are going to be taken.

Lucerin Blue plays some really bland, clichéd radio rock. Right from the first track I'm reminded of Papa Roach and Linkin Park. This is where the title of the CD comes in, because I'd rather be stabbed in the ear than listen to this nonsense. The vocals are that ever-so-clever not quite rapped, yet not quite sung style. In the background we're treated to standard riffs, you know, the kind that every band in this genre required by law to have. Besides that there are some totally out of place screams and some melodic singing. All of this just seems so formulaic. All of this sounds so amazingly contrived. Throughout the CD the vocals bounce back and forth between the "rap/shout/sing" to the standard melodic style while the guitar playing offers up no surprises.

The lyrics are uninspired to say the least. "Are we just wasting time? Or should we just give up and die? Are we a voice without words?" Well to answer your questions: yes, yes, and huh? The cover art is a mix between an abstract, artsy design and a more vintage oriented design. You know what's better than one ridiculously overused layout, two ridiculously overused layouts in one! It's like a two for the price of one sale at Unoriginality Mart.

Whenever I review a CD I make sure a listen to it the whole way through, but I knew right away that this was going to be a losing battle. My attention kept straying to more interesting things like how the sunlight reflecting through my blinds kind of resembles a pair of eyeballs. I don't know why this album exists. I don't know why Tooth and Nail distributed it. I guess I'll just start crawling in the dark looking for the answers.