Exploding Fuck Dolls - Crack The Safe (Cover Artwork)
Staff Review

Exploding Fuck Dolls

Crack The Safe (2004)


Hey, Duane Peters was in this band. I could read the bio and tell you guys all about who and how this band was, but guess what? I'm fucking lazy. That's right. Deal with it. Something about someone in the band dying from heroin overdose and Duane Peters becoming the singer because they met him at a skateboarding event or something....whatever. I got bored and decided just to listen to it and review what matters: the music. (P.S. I totally don't know who the fuck Duane Peters is. U.S. Bombs? Is that the one? Aren't there like forty other bands he was involved with?)

This album is completely '77 punk, stealing influences from both Sex Pistols and the Ramones. Holy shit! How inventive! Well, we all know that punk music isn't about being inventive, but about how many spikes you can screw into your leather coat, and then slamming out three chords into a distorted guitar. And that's what The Exploding Fuck Dolls do (or did). And it works.

In an era when double time aficionados like NOFX and Bad Religion (the elusive 90s) ruled the scene, it's nice to hear a band playing sloppy mid-tempo punk the way it was intended. The guitar solos are shitty and so simple that a cracked out toddler on, well, crack, could play them. Musically, the band seems proficient enough, but you can tell that they're playing the shit out of their instruments to the point of knocking them out of tune and missing beats. It's also nice to know that no matter where the song is or is going, you're always going to have eighth notes on the hi-hat or ride cymbals with your power chords.

I really couldn't tell you about any songs that stick out. Every song sounds the same. And that's not a bad thing. An entire CD full of high-energy classic punk music could never be a bad thing. Short songs appeal to short attention spans, and basic song structures allow you to predict what's going to happen next so that you don't look like a fool when trying to sing along with the choruses (even though the band is dead, you can sing along in your room while nobody is looking, we won't tattle on you for being lame like that).

Overall, a solid release. Nothing revolutionary, but worth checking out, especially if you have an affixation with the early punk scene, and would like to see some more of the commemorable contemporaries.