That's right, bitches. I moved to Chicago.

What can I say about The Cuts that hasn't already been said about Styx? Arena rock is for arenas. Hence the name. Please don't think you can go on tour with The Black Keys and expect a good reception. Musically, they blended their influences of The Ramones, Styx, Bob Seger, Rush, Foreigner into one shitty, trite bundle that caused multiple people to heckle them gratuitously. Since it was a late show at The Metro, it was mostly a bar rock crowd who just showed up to drink and listen to bands no matter what they played, so there were a few thirty year olds who dug it. I guess I can sum it up best with the comments made by two young ladies that my friends and I overheard when we were leaving the club, paraphrased here.

Girl 1: "Yeah, I hate the fact that these skeezy guys in scenester bands will come up and talk to you and think that you want to talk to them just because they're in a band."

Girl 2: "I know, it's like, brush your teeth or something."

Matt: "So did that happen tonight?"

Girl 1: "Yeah, a guy came up to us and we were like, 'What do you think of that first band?' 'Oh, they sucked.' And it was the singer from the first band, and he was like, 'Yeah, we did.' And just walked away."

So, in conclusion, if you're in your thirties, like Styx, dress like Jimmy Page, and want to start a band: don't. Just fucking don't.

The Black Keys took the stage at 11:30 and proceeded to rock us for over an hour. I have to admit, I'm not familiar with Thickfreakness, but after that show, I want to be. Most of you will remember my recent Rubber Factory review (because all of you hunt down my reviews and keep yourself updated, whether you're a loyal fan [which all of you should be] or even a hated enemy [which is fine too, as long as you read what I write]) and know that I'm a fan of these Ohio bluesmen. But I had no idea what I was in for when I would see them play live. Not only was Patrick smashing out all the drum parts harder than I've ever seen anyone drum (and I've seen Akimbo twice), but Dan's guitar licks were hot and flying all over the map, bringing his blend of electric fuzz through classic jazz riffs. They had the entire place screaming and cheering and singling along. They had multiple people exploding and screaming loudly, perhaps to some existential deity, "How do they rock so hard?" Sometimes I ponder that question myself, but then I realized that thinking is for nerds

If you didn't believe my CD review, then maybe you'll believe my show review. If you didn't like their CD, maybe you'll love their show. Go experience it now, before they get huge and don't play small venues anymore.