Son, Ambulance - Key (Cover Artwork)
Staff Review

Son, Ambulance

Key (2004)

Saddle Creek

This guy used to play with Bright Eyes. Guess what this sounds like? It sounds like a guy who used to be in Bright Eyes started a band! So you know that means. It means that some whiney kid thinks he's a singer/songwriter, you know, like The Boss or Bob Dylan. But hey, this guy can actually sing. Does it save the CD? Nope!

So when this loser isn't ripping off Bright Eyes (well, he does a much better job of writing Bright Eyes songs than Conor himself) he's busy ripping off The Boss. And no one fucking touches The Boss. That's why he's The Boss. Oh God, this next song is called "Sex In C Minor." More like "Lame In Lame Minor." And it's touching close to seven-and-a-half-minutes. Someone put this guy's ego in check. Oh, and the first song, called "Entropy," is an answering machine message left from a little kid saying, "Daddy, it's Father's Day, when do you want to watch me? Okay, bye, I love you." Boo-fucking-hoo. So your dad doesn't love you. Did you have to write music about it? To be honest, I don't fucking care. My dad loves me. That must mean I'm better than you. Or maybe your dad loved you too; in that case, you're just trying to get the sympathy vote. Well guess what? No sympathy from this guy, buckaroo.

Oh God, now he just started singing like fucking Conor Whinebuckets. I'm telling you, the only thing this guy had going for him was a good singing voice, and a knack for copying other artists' material, but as the CD gets further on, it's just a rip-off of Bright Eyes, and The Boss influence is fading. So then, what are we left with? I'm not quite sure myself, but I think it comes from eating too much hot sauce on your tacos. Oh yeah, diarrhea. That's the word I'm looking for. This record has the consistency of steaming diarrhea. Yup. It's watery, it burns, and it makes you feel unpleasant even up to an hour after it's finished.