One True Thing - Finally... [reissue] (Cover Artwork)
Staff Review

One True Thing

Finally... [reissue] (2004)

Play The Assassin

There are so many things wrong with this record I don't even know where to begin. How about with the pink Cthuloid creature on the cover with a fairy wand and crown? Cthulu is an Ancient! He wears no fairy crown! Neither do the creatures inspired by him! Next, the band name/album title are just horrible in general. Finally, if there is one thing I hate more than whiny bullshit lyrics that are "dark" and "brooding," it's "dark" and "brooding" lyrics sang by a tiny girl with a cutesy voice over the crappiest and wussiest screamo accompaniment. It's like listening to your little sister joining a metal band and trying to rock. You know, the one who's 13 and has posters of pop stars lining her walls. Unless, of course, your little sister is Patti Smith, Mo Tucker, or Chrissie Hynde.

Every song is the same. Something like "there is a monster inside me," or "will I make it through the day?" for the chorus. NEWSFLASH: your life doesn't suck. Obviously you have enough money to buy your equipment, a record label has decided to put out your record, and I'm sure you have tons of fat teenage girls that live in your hometown who love you. Come back after you've spent a few years on Welfare and have crack burns on your thighs because your pimp thinks you been holding out on him.

This band is about one degree away from being cutesy indie pop, and God knows how much I hate cutesy indie pop. These kids need a heaping serving of Black Sabbath. Maybe "Sweet Leaf" will show them that metal is all about slaving yourself away to drugs, not sweetly singing about there being a metaphorical monster inside. That is, unless she got knocked up by Satan, in which the monster wouldn't be metaphorical, and the band would be sweet. But that is not the case, and this band sucks.