The Giraffes - The Giraffes (Cover Artwork)
Staff Review

The Giraffes

The Giraffes (2005)

Razor & Tie

This band confuses me in the way that a very straight-laced man might become confused when he accidentally sees another man naked in the locker room. He knew that before he really liked naked women, but now he's not so sure if he might like naked men too. A normal course of action would be to reassert his manhood in a way of lifting weights or drinking until he passes out. I'm the same way about my rock'n'roll. I know that I really like bands like Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath (you might not, but you have to deal with the fact that I do). But I've always said that alternative / modern cock rock sucks. The Giraffes, however, straddle the line so that I feel the indistinguishable need to curl up in the fetal position and wrap my body around Led Zeppelin I-IV and the first five Black Sabbath albums.

The attitude is definitely there. Self-described as "sexy metal" by the guitarist, this album is chock full of Jimmy Page riffs and Tony Iommi palm-muting, with the technical ability of Butler and Jones on bass to prove the band's credentials. The drums are spastic and well-trained, though the technical precision of Bonham and the almost-bad distinctive of Ward is missing. Vocally is where I get confused. Though I feel an early Misfits Danzig vibe, this is also where I get stuck feeling this whole cock rock vibe that freaks me out. Well, I think I just put my thumb on it. This album is like Ozzy Osbourne's solo career: Plenty of palm-muting metal riffs, parts that grab you, but nothing remarkable. In fact, it's almost laughable at times, seemingly a shell of the former greats.

Stone Temple Pilots. That's the other one. It feels put together like Stone Temple Pilots. Stone Temple Pilots with some great Zeppelinesque riffs at times. Well, that sums up the Giraffes basically in my book. Nothing mind-blowing, decent to listen to at parts, but overall sort of a let-down. But can you really expect much from a record company that put out the Kidz Bop series?