The Chemistry - The Chemistry (Cover Artwork)

The Chemistry

The Chemistry (2005)

Razor & Tie

Consider this scenario: Simple Plan and the Used are brother and sister; twins if you'd prefer. For the sake of stereotyping, let's say they're brother and sister in rural Tennessee. At the ripe age of thirteen, while poppa Mest is drunkenly passed out on the couch, the twins begin to discover their sexuality -- with each other. Long story short, nine months later, we have the ugly diseased mongoloid bastard child, appropriately named…the Chemistry.

Yes, this shit is that fucking bad. The band's self-titled debut is chock full of horrible vocals, riffs that have been rehashed a trillion times over, absolutely stupid and asinine lyrics, and what seems like seventeen hours of audio cancer. Shame on Razor & Tie for thinking that they could ever find a target audience for this that didn't think that this music was awful! Ironically enough, this album is produced by none other than Kevin Cadogan, the dude that was kicked out of Third Eye Blind after they hit it big, probably because he sucked. He continues his reputation of suckage by producing the most polished, shiniest music ever put to disc; I expect nothing less from the organization that brings us Kidz Bop.

There's really nothing left to say about this album. It's terrible, clichéd music that should not be heard by anyone that is seriously looking for good new music. Those who want a good laugh should listen in right away, however. What I really want to know is who vocalist Danny Mitchell thinks he is with all this falsetto bullshit! Yes, as if his monotone voice could not sound bad enough, the dude constantly bursts into a falsetto that makes my ears bleed, especially when they are tracked over some painful screaming -- apparently someone locked the band in a room with their own music playing on repeat, har-har! From the lame-ass violin intro to "Jones" to the pathetic ballad "Hopeless" to the vomit-inducing piano-and-acoustic closer "Last Impression," this album really, really sucks in all possible areas. To make matters worse, I'm also seriously running out of derogatory adjectives and phrases here.

To say this album is a disgrace to human beings everywhere would be an understatement. Shame on Danny Mitchell, Thomas Scriven, Tommy Hamilton, Jared Valencia, and Justin Shultz (who, mind you, also have "the look" down: Highlighted hair that flops over half the face, faux-hawks, sideburns, black clothing, tight pants, and even a fat dude who probably plays bass). Shame on Razor & Tie. Shame on Kevin Cadogan. Shame on everyone who finds this enjoyable, especially if this band finds some way to make it big. This shit is offensive.

Standout Tracks:

Click here to listen to "From Within" and "About You" (OMG WHAT HAPPENED TO THEIR FACES!!!)