Milky Wimpshake - Popshaped (Cover Artwork)
Staff Review

Milky Wimpshake

Popshaped (2005)

Fortuna Pop

Hailing from what I think is somewhere in Great Britain from the accents, Milky Wimpshake sounds more or less like an indie pop band, taking just as much from the Ramones as they do Belle and Sebastian. But with boring lyrics. And terrible sounding drums on half the songs, which makes sense, since half of this album is a compilation of songs from singles and B-sides and the like.

Simple, three/four-chord pop songs. Without much pizzazz or energy. It's kind of tiresome to be honest. And the every once in a while piano chord doesn't really bring it up much either. Or the song about Spiderman. Yep. There's a song about Spiderman. I think that says something.

I don't know, man, but releases like these just get me down. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like pop music just as much as the next guy. I love lots of early pop-rock, chart toppers from the late `50s and early `60s...but there's more to it than just a few chords and cheery vibes. I mean, most of those good songs were good because they were just vehicles for unbridled teenage lust. Listen to "I Think We're Alone Now," again. The song's just about dirty, filthy sex in the grass. Or early Roy Orbison songs. Fuck man, even the Beatles. "I Wanna Hold Your Hand." That's not a song about hand-holding, man.

In contrast, Milky Wimpshake's "My Heart Beats Faster Than Techno" doesn't get too far. The lyrics transition from holding hands, to kissing lips, to untucking a t-shirt. Then I guess the dude wusses out before he gets a chance to disrobe the fantasy girl in his song. I mean, shit, the guy can't even get a pretend girl in his song naked. I guess their band name really conveys the spirit of the band.

But enough with the bad-mouthing. This album is just another mediocre indie pop record with traces of early rock'n'roll. The best song on here is "Milk Maid," an upbeat rocker that closes the album. Just over one minute of poppy rock'n'roll, giving the listener hope that this band will progress more than they have.